July Flew By

And so did the rest of this summer. I can't believe that in two weeks I'll be heading to college to start the rest of my life. So far away from everything that I know, and love. So far away from everything that's familiar and home to me.
I will be beginning this year far away from home, in the dorm room with two to three new girls that I barely even know. I will have to get used to their faults and their flaws, and will have to fit my flaws, and my faults to them. And after all this hard work, when I get back home once every two weeks for the weekend, when I'm tired, and just need to rely on something comfortable and familiar, my momma is not going to be here.
I have said goodbye to my momma after a two week long journey with both my parents in the entirety of Norway, which is one of the most insanely beautiful spectacular places I have ever been to. It was incredible for both the beautiful landscapes of waterfalls, and lakes, and fjords, and just water in general. God, they have so freaking much water it's not even funny, but also for the beautiful cities they have there like Oslo, Bergen, and Alesund, every single one of which is unique for its own reasons, and its architecture, which you must know is one of my favorite things in the world, and one of the things I find the most beautiful to see in different cities and countries. Some of my favorite places include the beautiful Viking Museum in the outskirts of Oslo. I am usually not a museum person at all, but those freaking Viking ships are freaking incredible. Such elegant woodwork was done on these ships with so many decorative intricate detailing that I almost peed my pants out of pure joy. Another lovely lovely place was the city of Bergen, which is all the way out in the west of Norway, and the old pier that they have restored and placed some stores in. It's just so goddamn beautiful. I also found this adorable freaking cafe in a street called Lille Ovregaten, that's both a cafe and a book store. So beautifully designed, really good coffee, amazing baked goods, some homely, amazing smell of cinnamon, spices, and coffee. If you ever pass by Bergen by any chance, just run there. It's inspired me to want to open a similar place in the future maybe. Making people fall back in love with books, music, and the small beautiful things in life. There's also a very good restaurant called Zupperia in Bergen that makes amazing soup dishes that are so freaking big, and so freaking tasty and heart warming on a rainy day. I have never in my life tasted a clam chowder so delicious.
Alesund is another beautiful city all made out of stone buildings because of a fire that burnt the city down to the ground. Not only is the architecture absolutely beautiful, but they have amazing fish and chips, an adorable glass workshop, and and an amazing little antique shop I spent hours in by the beautiful pier. And the beautiful way between those cities spread like a web of incredible waterfalls, streams, lakes, and fjords. I know I have possibly said beautiful in the past few sentences more than ever in my life all together, but that country is astonishing, remarkably unique and pleasant.
And then we parted ways with my momma. And I didn't cry then, and even though it's choking me up a little right now, thinking about how much I miss her, and need her, and feel like telling her every single thing that's been going on in my life, I just won't. I can't afford to break down so easily.a
Good thing I've been keeping busy in the two weeks since I've come back. Firstly, I've been working as a secretary at my dad's office, and every night since I have been going out, tiring myself out to the max, trying to fit as much in with my friends before all of us leave for college in our different paths.
We went camping this weekend on the beach, and I have come really close with a guy that was in my grade, but we never really spoke too much, and then on Thursday during the little camping trip we just stayed up the entire night, literally the entire night, talking, and he told me about his trip to Greece that he went on with his group of friends a few weeks later than we did, and about his first time, and I told I haven't had my first time, and never even been kissed, and he listened to me like no other straight guy before him. I told him about my stupidity and humiliation with Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome, and he just didn't even judge. By the way, I saw Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome last night walking in the street, when we passed by in a car, and he looked amazing, and I just reminded myself of how freaking stupid I am.
This morning, though, two of my very good friends left for college, which is yet another goodbye to have said, and then my dad drove out of town to my extended family, and I came back home, and it's all quiet, and dark, and empty. And for the first time since Norway, since saying goodbye to momma, I have time to think. To process my goodbyes, to think about the scary future that I don't know anything about, those eerie moments that I will have, wanting to come back home to momma, and she's far away, and I can't talk to her because of my stupid busy schedule, and my friends leaving, and my stupidity and my cowardice with boys, and all of a sudden after letting it out now, and talking about some of it has broken my promise earlier not to cry. And I'm choking back tears, but they won't listen and stay down, they just fill my eyes until they burn, and there's no way to get rid of that sting besides blinking those tears away.

"Wasn't it easier in your lunchbox years, always a bigger bed to crawl into? 
Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything, and everybody believed in you?"

SO, if we choke back the tears and talk about some of the things I have loved the month of July that has long been gone, and flew by without me even letting it go. I held onto it's wings tight, I promise, but it didn't care at all, it just took off without noticing the dead weight I was imposing on it in order for it to linger.
Song:
The Girl Running duet by Passenger ft. Jess Chalker. I don't know what about this song, maybe the first verse and the last verse, make me think of the loss of innocence and childhood, which, as you might have been able to see was pretty much the theme of this month, fuck, it's been the main topic this entire year.







Artist:

Bon Iver. He's always been a favorite, but playing his beautiful songs while driving across the beautiful landscapes of Norway was an incredible experience. The pure meaning of joy and serenity to me is waking up from sleep in the back seat, grab an apple, with my parent, passing incredible views, and having songs like towers play in the background.




Make Up Item:
See Sheer by Mac is a beautiful sheer peachy pink color. I bought it new during the month of July at the airport's Duty Free. It's as nude as I can go without looking like someone shot me. I love it because it's light, and not intense, but adds a little bit of color to the face. It's a Lustre finish meaning it looks wet and smooth on the lips, but it's not glossy or sticky. It's slightly rosy, slightly coral, but it's absolutely beautiful. I love it. It's also soft on the lips.

Deodorant:
Dove's Go Fresh, which smells like cucumber and mint, and just kept me fresh this entire months running errands, partying, tanning, and so on. It's just very comfortable, and the smell isn't too perfume-y, but lingers, which makes it perfect for keeping me fresh in this "deafening heat" as they say in The Girl Running.

Perfume:
Number 8 by Abercrombie and Fitch. I FINALLY got my hands on a new bottle after ages of living a sad sad life without it. It can be used by both sexes and smell just as lovely and fitting for either sex. It's clean, but not soap-like smelling which is good for me for staying fresh smelling during the summer. It's also a little sexy, dew to it's spices and ginger tones, but floral. And listen to the weird part, it has jasmine petal tones to it, which is my most hated scent ever, but it smells so good, I honestly can't even detect the strong scent of jasmine.

Shows:
Baby Daddy and Melissa and Joey are back! I just watch the new season like a junkie. My comic relief.
I have also started watching Suburgatory. Delirious.

Books:
I have just finished Pretties and proceeded on to Specials, but these books honestly don't get old. They just keep me on my toes and surprise me every freaking time. I think I'm going to cry when I finish Extras. But hey I've got Eve's second book that came out in April when I was still reading Divergent and Insurgent and stuff, and for some reason I had started Uglies before I read it, and I have the Maze Runner at hand, so I will be filled up to the brim with good books. I am a slow reader as you might have noticed, because I like to read when I'm calm, so I read in Norway a boat load, but I haven't since, because I was stressed out and tired.

Hope you're all having a lovely summer, or winter, if you're in the southern part of the equator! Loves you all, and thanks for being there and letting me take out everything I don't dare say on the outside, even if you don't even care about all my nonsense. XOXO Roni J.
By the way the first picture is from the way from one  city to another on a ferry, the second and third are from Bergen on the old pier, the third and fifth are again on the way from one city to another, and the fourth photo is from Alesund. Hope you enjoyed my little journey in pictures!

Shiva

Shiva, in the Jewish tradition, is a period of seven days, in which people mourn for their loved ones' deaths. In this period of seven days, a week basically, all of the family gathers in the house of the dead, and mourn. And sit. And mourn. And talk about their beloved. And mourn. Relatives and friends come, too, usually carrying food, because the family shouldn't be bothered with cooking and hosting all the people there, when they literally can barely handle themselves.
When I was four or five years old, we went on a trip to Paris and Euro Disney, from my dad's 44th birthday, and my brother's 13th, which they always celebrate very closely, because they are two days apart. Two days, 31 years, and ideals and ideals apart. In that period of time in my life, or rather  in their lives, they went head to head a lot. They bickered on a daily basis, and they casually would fight real bad, slamming doors, yelling at each other, insulting each other and all. Thank God, past my brother's rebellious years, all this stopped, and they love each other infinitely.
One day, during that same trip, my father and brother started fighting another one of those serious fights. I barely remember a thing, but I do remember yelling in the middle of the street. My brother, being the idiot he was, ran away from us. My mother, being the caring mother she is, ran after him. My father, being the idiot, the stubborn idiot he was, resulted to grunting and smoking (God bless him he's been smoking-free for a year). Me, being the four year old girl I was, and my sister, being the ten year old girl she was, sat in a bus station, watched the sun turn to rain, crying hysterically, because our brother might be gone for good this time. Again, I barely remember any of it at all, but I do remember the bus station was right next to a florist, and the florist saw we were crying, and I remember him in an apron, coming out to hand us a flower to cheer us up.
An hour goes by and my mother can't find my brother, until she sees him, hiding behind a bush in the park she's been raiding for an hour, and watching her look for him like a little bastard. She comes to him, almost crying (that woman has the strength of a pack of wolves), trying to explain to him that he should com. He doesn't come. Trying to tell him he isn't a French citizen, and the police will find him and take him away. He doesn't come. Trying to remind him he doesn't even speak French. He does not come.
Nevertheless, my mother is not one to give up (reminds me of someone......(me maybe?)). She comes back and grabs me. She takes me to him. I don't remember any of this at all. I tell him that we need him, that I need him. I tell him that we love him. That I love him. I cry. And then he hugs me. And he finally comes.
Ever since that day I know that he and I have special connection with my brother. My sister has always had it easier with my father, but with me and my brother, especially when we were younger, he would expect the world from us. He'd be really hard on us. He would be on my sister, too, hadn't he noticed that she doesn't take his crap much. I love my father infinitely, don't get me wrong. He's the best father I could have ever asked for. We have grown to know each other, and to respect each other more since we both did a little bit of growing up separately, but me and my brother always had to protect each other from his sudden bursts, and help the other one not take it to heart. Even with the nine years separating us, we'd still fend for each other all the time.
On Saturday, only two days ago, at around four in the afternoon, my mother got a call from my brother. My brother was crying to her, and I could hear it from the other room. When she hung up she told me and my father that were home, that my brother's girlfriend's father has died.
My brother and his girlfriend had been together for four years, now. Her father is relatively very old, because he's much older than her mother, and because it isn't his first marriage. He's been sick for many years with all sorts of things that come with age, and was getting better the past month, and my brother got to hang out with him a lot, got very attached to him. He was getting better, until he wasn't getting better anymore, and then he wasn't anymore.
I can't stand seeing any person cry in my presence, so when it was him, I basically broke down. I knew I shouldn't go see him right away, because he was crying, and I would start crying, and it wouldn't help him at all, and all I wanted was to  help him, to drench the pain away from him.
The man used to be Jewish, so his sister, who's the only sibling he had that is still alive, wanted to mourn him the way she knows. The family respected it fully, and they sat, after the burial on Sunday, in his house, and started the Shiva.
After talking to him yesterday, when I realized he's not crying anymore, at least not out loud, I decided to come to the Shiva today. When my parents went, my mother bearing tons of food, and my father trying his best to be supportive, I knew I had to  be there.
Walking into the house I realized just how much my brother needs me. His girlfriend's family is crazy. Not that they are bad people, on contrary, they are really great people, but they are as complicated as it gets. She, being 26 years old, had a brother who's 55 year's old. Each one of her parents has been married at least once before and they had kids. So on one side sits his sister, a religious Jewish woman that's very old, right next to her sits one of his children, a 55 year old gay man with his partner. Then the wife's friend, her best friend, who's been known to be controlling of  the couple's life, being a part of every decision making process in the house. And she, she is telling the wife she's not dealing with the death of her husband properly, and I am thinking, WOMAN! HER HUSBAND DIED TWO DAYS AGO, CAN YOU PLEASE JUST LAY DOWN THE JUDGEMENT?!
And then in the other side of the room, where we were sitting, my brother and his girlfriend were sitting, and their eyes hollow. I imagine the Shiva really did help some of the people. Some people, like the wife, talked so much that they didn't have time to think of the dead. Some people, like his son, were listening so hard to the noise in the background, they didn't have any time to think of any of it at all. But some, like my brother and his girlfriend, just needed to mourn in silence, alone.
And I ached. I ached really bad, because I know my brother. I know him. He is strong. He is fierce. He is amazingly capable of anything. But he is also a sensitive guy. A guy that gets attached very easily, and loves many people. He appreciates their kindness, wisdom, and respect.
So when he hugged me, and was hanging onto me as if in need for physical support, so weak he couldn't handle himself alone, I wanted to break down, curl up and cry. But I knew I couldn't, not there. I had no right to break down in front of his wife that's been holding in the tears since the moment he got sick. I don't get to cry in front of his children, I simply don't. So I hold it in. Even when I can't look him in the eyes too long 'cause they've been red and puffy from crying and sleep deprivation, even when he has to run around, exhausted, to host the people coming in by the hour, even when he talks on the phone and his voice cracks. I have to hold it in when his girlfriend's eyes are just as vacant, and even when they both try to force smiles on their faces, but it doesn't reach their eyes, even when I notice that his girlfriend, the most high-maintenance girl I know, was in no make-up for the first time since I first got to know her, holding onto her knees hugging them close to her, curling up into a ball, wanting to disappear. I don't break when I say goodbye to her mother and she's tearing up, whispering "thank you" words for my mom for bringing my brother into their lives. I don't even break down when he hugs me goodbye and hangs onto me and my father as if he's holding onto dear life. But the moment we're out the door, I burst into tears.
So here's the reason why I had trouble writing the past few days, but I had to get this off my chest.

Here's a song that's been getting me through the pain a little.  

"Woe in my head, my soul, my memory, my loving home, my family. I know they'll come for me if I need, if I need, for I see the love in you. It feeds me, it feeds me."

XOXO Roni J.

Fragile (May Favorites)

Hey girls (and boys. Do we have any boys here? If so, tell me, I feel like I would hate it if no one referred to me when I was reading a blog of theirs). How has this month passed? Was it any better than the last? Any worse (oh gosh I hope not).
So when I was about 13, I think, I went to a summer camp with a friend. It was a bible camp, even though that's not really my thing. I went there because she is my best friend (to this day), and it was a lot of fun, when I look back. The subject that year was fragile. How the world is so very fragile, how relationships are so very fragile, and how we need to take care of our surroundings, because we can never put together the pieces exactly the way they were before they cracked or shattered (depends on the case really). English is not my first language, so I didn't really know what the meaning was at first, but as time passed I came to know what this means.
The definition of fragile from dictionary.com is: easily broken, shattered, or damaged; delicate; brittle; frail.

In other words, I guess, it means breakable.
I don't know if I told you this before, but my sister left about a week ago to live abroad for a few months. I don't think I really have to stress how hard it was to have her leave, and how much I miss her every day she's away, and how hard it is to hear she's going through something hard and not to be able to hug her and to be there for her.
Yesterday my mother talk to her on Skype before she came home and she texted me "Will be held back a little, on Skype with your sister. Boy crisis". My sister met a guy before she went abroad who lives there and they talked almost everyday on Skype, and when she visited a few months ago they were doing alright and all this time he seems interested. As well as since she got there about a week ago.
Yesterday, after spending an entire day with her, a day she felt was perfect, a day when he was, apparently, marking his territory in front of his friends, after all that, he decides he doesn't want her anymore, and he just told her it's not what he wants.
Understandable. The guy decides that's not what he wants. I actually appreciate the honesty, but he could have said it sooner, he could have made her understand that he's not interested rather than making her believe that he really wants something to happen between them, he could have not waited this long, he could have not marked territory or waited a whole day to say it. But he didn't.
My sister is much more breakable than I am. Part of it is the fact that I let no one in maybe, and I am very calculated rather than gut follower. I almost never break, surely not in front of the person responsible, and I'm able of holding it in and not letting at show through. It's my specialty really.
I can honestly say I had a thousand scenarios of what I should have done to the guy who broke my sister's heart like, to the point where every time she heard our voices (voices from home) she started weeping. I am so protective of my family, especially her since she is, as I've said, so fragile.
My heart breaks at the sight of any person with a broken heart. I cry like a little girl. I mean, while watching Kyle XY, there were quite a few heart broken moments and I cried in each and every one of them. While watching the Hunger Games, I cried when Gale saw Peeta and Katniss kiss even thought I like Peeta better, just because I knew his heart must have been breaking, and those are fictional characters, so seeing someone real going through heartbreak, and someone that I love as much as I love my sister, I simply broke down.
Good thing I talked to her over the phone last night, because my voice did crack a little, but I really didn't want her to see the tears. Just hearing her cry, her voice so aching, her wanting to come back home, it was so hard not to cry.
Over all I think today she's probably better. I hope so. I will move on to my favorites right about now.

*Favorite T.V. Show: Kyle X.Y. I have literally talked about this a thousand times it feels like, but this is genuinely THE best show I have seen in a REALLY REALLY long time. It is a complete fiction, kind of science fiction teen drama show. I love it. I'm still not able to see the last episode they shot before the show got canceled, because I seriously don't want it to end.




*Favorite Person: Jean-Luc Bilodeau. This is the guy that plays Kyle's adoptive brother in the show and I can seriously say that, besides his good looks, he can portray so much emotion, he's funny, and half of the times I cried about something in the show (I cry a lot at seeing other people's pain) it was because of him. I am happy to say that he's coming out with a show called Baby Daddy very very soon, so I'll be on the lookout for it :) (It's going to be on ABC Family for whomever is in the U.S. and would like to try it out). Hopefully it's good. Just don't kill me if it isn't.

*Favorite Mascara: Loreal's Telescopic in brown. I know I said last month that I love PUPA's mascara, and I do think it is a great mascara, but the wand is SO extremely thick and uncomfortable. I love the formula, but the wand kills it for me. So I got back to using Loreal's Telescopic, which is also more lengthening, I would think, than the PUPA one, which I want more of than I want a thickening one. The wand is absolutely tiny, which is perfect for the bottom lushes as well. I like it!




*Favorite Artist: Paolo Nutini. This guy will forever, I hope, be my favorite artist. His lyrics are amazing, his voice sends chill up and down my spine, he is amazing (I haven't said it before enough). I have discovered new songs of his and I just fell in love all over again.

Favorite Song: Wake Up by Arcade Fire covered by (surprise surprise) Paolo Nutini. Amazing cover. So heartfelt and.... I just love him obviously.
Have a great weekend!!! XOXO Roni J.!

Saying Goodbye

Hey girls,
don't get freaked out by the title this does not mean by any way that I'm ditching you, but I had  to talk to you about something that's been weighing me down.
I'm sure this probably happens to everybody and surely in a much worse way than it happened to me, but today I said a rough goodbye to someone. That someone is my dog. She lives with my aunt and uncle, so I won't see her again before they put her down tomorrow. She is a beautiful dog, smart, kind and innocent, and she is so human; more human than a lot of other people I know. We named her Joy when we first got her, and the truth is she really did bring us all joy.
Lately, though, she hasn't been feeling too good, she was weak and old, and she was diagnosed with a tumor. She is not as full of joy as she once were. She can barely get up or wiggle that cute little tail of hers. I knew I had to see her before she was put down, and hence I went over and sat down with her for a while, hugged her, tried to ease her pain as much as I could, but I realized I have no healing powers in my hands, and after an hour or so I left her.
I thought that saying goodbye to her would be better than what had happened to me the last time I lost someone that was close to my heart. She was my nanny when I was just a tiny little thing, and she had diabetes for a long time before she had passed, but I didn't want to see her hurting so bad I guess, and so I put off seeing her for a long time, and then she passed away, and I was so full of shame and regret that I still haven't gotten over the fact that I should have at least paid her the respect she deserved and come and visit her.
My rule to myself in life is to never do something that I know I will not be proud of, and when I do something that I'm not entirely proud
of, to not regret it and look on the bright side of doing it.    "You're gonna have to leave me now, I
This was the first time I actually really regretted                  know. I'll see you in the sky above, in
something that I've done, or rather haven't done,                  in the tall grass, in the ones I love.You're
and couldn't look past the guilt to the bright side of it.         gonna make me lonesome when you go"
When I went to see Joy, my nanny's funeral kept popping
into my head and I thought that this was the right thing to do, but it didn't hurt any less. I didn't feel guilty, but I saw her in her misery and all I could wish was that there truly is a heaven, and that she gets to be the first in line to go through the gates of it.
I'm sorry for the rather sad post. I just really had to share you know?
On a brighter note...

Here's an outfit of the day from a while back.
The polka dotted cropped top is vintage from my mother's closet. The black high waisted jeggings I think were from Urban Outfitters, but I was gifted them so I don't know. The necklace again is from Michal Negrin. If you want the link to her site, I posted it a while ago so look in previous posts. The earrings are from H&M last year, and the shoes I wore are my Aldo black sandals that have been in basically every post.
Take care! Roni J.

Too Little, Too Late

This week is crazy intense, but i don't want that to harm our beautiful relationship that we've developed here. I went shopping with my mother today, so a haul should be up pretty soon. My life is really quite boring since I decided upon moving on and not looking back. That doesn't mean I regret doing so, because for now I really need my focus to be on school work and studies rather than on a stupid guy that only hurts me (true about most of the time), but still I wish some excitement came my way, because these days feel quite empty right now. I wake up, go to school, come home, maybe do something small, finish school work or study for a test and then go through the process of getting ready to sleep, and, on a good day, falling asleep fast.
I have these weird periods of time when I don't sleep all too well or all too much, and then I have these weird, crazy, freaky, and really creepy dreams. All sorts of dreams like walking with my friends in a field and reaching a house with a lawn and then the house suddenly explodes and all sorts of things like that that I really have no idea where they come from.
I went to a friend's birthday party today, and it was a lot of fun. We, 15 friends or so, sat at a restaurant for dinner and chatted and stuff. I really like those evenings when it's not so boring. I like having social life I guess. Sounds like I'm human. Oh darn.
I talked to my beloved guitar teacher about getting back into the guitar playing thing. I haven't had the time this year to really play around with it, but I hope that I can go back to it during the summer. My guitar teacher is the nicest, sweetest, most intelligent man I have ever come to meet. He's quite old and I honestly feel like he's my grandfather. My life has been full of adopted grandparents since all of my grandparent died well before I was born. I can honestly say I feel them being there for me and helping me in my everyday life, but sometimes I do miss that role in my life, and my guitar teacher does that very well for me. He teaches me far beyond the music and into all the arts and the important facts of life. Recently he has lost his wife and while she was sick he couldn't really give me any lessons, and then I got busy and our connection got a little lost from there on out, but I do need him in my life.
The loss of my first nanny this year and the upcoming loss of my beloved dog, as weird as that may sound, shook me a little bit to remind me how much I don't want to miss out on the people I love most in life. I'd never lost someone close to my heart up until this year when my first nanny died. She was very close to our family and has been battling with diabetes and all of its outcomes for years now, but, since I'd never lost anybody that close to me beforehand, I took her existence on this earth and by my side for granted. A week or two before she passed both my sister and my mother went to visit her not knowing that the end is this close, and I didn't come. Looking back, during her funeral, I realized how sorry I am that I had missed out on having a last day with her before she was gone from my eyes forever. It struck me really hard that people are temporary, and that every moment spent with someone you love should really be treasured.
 My dog has been diagnosed with some kind of cancer, and to some people that might sound stupid and cliche, but the truth is she is as human to me as many other people around me aren't. She is so good to people, so kind, and so intelligent, loving and caring. I know that once she's gone it will be another hard loss on me because I've had her now for about 11 years, and she's so dear and close to my heart that I really can't let that go.

I hope that my guitar teacher's life is as long as possible, but I know that, after he has lost his wife, that wish is very selfish. He loved her very much, so I imagine that life without her is really hard on him, but I want him to be there for me forever, because he has taught me so much and been there for me through my toughest years when I was rejected by so called friends and humiliated a lot.
The losses that I've both experienced and will experience soon, I guess, have both made me come to the conclusion that I should spend more time with him, get back to playing, get back to learning music and all other things from this amazing man before it's too late.

Don't do things you know you will regret doing and don't miss out on people you know you won't regret meeting. 




Here for another outfit of the day :D Cheers! 
My cardigan is from Forever 21 and it is striped black and gray. The lacy tank top is from Aerie. I love lingerie tops (as long as they don't expose any unnecessary parts of your body. They are lacy and feminine and a good quality. Rings as usual. The necklace is from a local store. Hit up the comment section if you want a more detailed answer. The jeans are my Lee Cooper, high rise, light blue washed jeans.
That's basically all.

Familiar Things

Hello girls.
Today I'll speak about something I have found to be the most important thing. I think I have already mentioned in another blog post about the famous saying by Jean-Paul Sarte: "L'enfer, c'est les autres". If you aren't a French speaker, just like me by the way, so in simple English this basically means "hell is other people", which in my opinion is true. What would be hell for us? Death, the unknown, darkness, and other people symbolize that. We have control on almost everything in our surroundings, objects, animals, plants, but the two only things we don't have control over yet are earth and other people, which terrifies us.
On the other hand, I also believe that the opposite is true. Heaven is other people, too. We can never really be happy without other humans. Our unpredictability is one of the only things that keep this world an interesting place, one of the only things that makes us appreciate life, one of the only things that can actually put a smile on our face. Happiness is our heaven, isn't it?
Sometimes these people are friends. Sometimes it's a love interest. Sometimes they're our kids. Sometimes they're our parents or siblings, sometimes other family members, teachers, role models. These people are what brightens our days, what makes us smile, what makes us forget about those whose unpredictability causes us pain and suffering. Heaven and hell are other people.
My little piece of heaven has always been my family. They're a little bit nuts, a little bit insane, maybe even a little bit annoying, many, many times. Yet, these people love me unconditionally, they make me laugh, they make me truly happy, and they drive away almost any fear, almost every threat.
It's a shame that sometimes it takes us being away from something to really understand its meaning in our lives, but once we do it's so very beautiful. It took me being two years away from my family, continents and continents apart to make me realize how much I need them, and how much they need me. I am thankful for this every day and every night, every season that comes and goes, because most teenagers around me just don't know that their family is true gold. These things make me want to smack people across the face. They make me want to shake them until their eyes open, and I'm not speaking about families necessarily.
Your Friends can be your heaven, your love, your teacher, any person you meet in life really, but I beg you, on my knees, please, please, be grateful for them. There can be fights and pain and ache, because they are also our hell, but they can also make us so very happy if we only embrace them.

Anyways, after all this emotional little thing up there, I actually started talking about this because today, well, today heaven was other people.
We had a big family and friends dinner today, and I got reminded of how much I am grateful to be where I am with the people I am with.

Hope you all find or already have found your heaven, and I hope you feel it everyday. Here's the outfit I wore today. XOXO Roni J. 
I decided to go for a little colorblocking today.
I went for a shirt with a nice cutout at the back that covers up the back of the bra so it's not a big deal, and I also think it's a great way to be sexy without showing too much cleavage. It shows off skin, but it's not too outrageous.

The pants are also from a local boutique, but with all the colored pants being out lately I'm sure you can find something similar. The belt is from Ebay I'm pretty sure, and the necklace is from accessorize.
The flowers' ring is by Michal Negrin, and I love her jewelry this is her website. Although some or her pieces are plain CRAZY, I do love her more simple things.
The earrings are from my parents' trip to Iceland, and I think they're made out of Basalt, which is a rock formed by volcanic eruptions, which is awesome, in my opinion.
The sandals, yet again, are by Minnetonka, which is a native American brand, and I love these and have been wearing them to death and beyond four or three summers already, I think.
Sorry for the stains on my shirt by the way. I put perfume right before taking pictures. SMART.
Love you all and hope you find your heaven and have someone's arms be your home, and on that note (cheesy pun) today's song is: