Sunday, April 22, 2012

Too Little, Too Late

This week is crazy intense, but i don't want that to harm our beautiful relationship that we've developed here. I went shopping with my mother today, so a haul should be up pretty soon. My life is really quite boring since I decided upon moving on and not looking back. That doesn't mean I regret doing so, because for now I really need my focus to be on school work and studies rather than on a stupid guy that only hurts me (true about most of the time), but still I wish some excitement came my way, because these days feel quite empty right now. I wake up, go to school, come home, maybe do something small, finish school work or study for a test and then go through the process of getting ready to sleep, and, on a good day, falling asleep fast.
I have these weird periods of time when I don't sleep all too well or all too much, and then I have these weird, crazy, freaky, and really creepy dreams. All sorts of dreams like walking with my friends in a field and reaching a house with a lawn and then the house suddenly explodes and all sorts of things like that that I really have no idea where they come from.
I went to a friend's birthday party today, and it was a lot of fun. We, 15 friends or so, sat at a restaurant for dinner and chatted and stuff. I really like those evenings when it's not so boring. I like having social life I guess. Sounds like I'm human. Oh darn.
I talked to my beloved guitar teacher about getting back into the guitar playing thing. I haven't had the time this year to really play around with it, but I hope that I can go back to it during the summer. My guitar teacher is the nicest, sweetest, most intelligent man I have ever come to meet. He's quite old and I honestly feel like he's my grandfather. My life has been full of adopted grandparents since all of my grandparent died well before I was born. I can honestly say I feel them being there for me and helping me in my everyday life, but sometimes I do miss that role in my life, and my guitar teacher does that very well for me. He teaches me far beyond the music and into all the arts and the important facts of life. Recently he has lost his wife and while she was sick he couldn't really give me any lessons, and then I got busy and our connection got a little lost from there on out, but I do need him in my life.
The loss of my first nanny this year and the upcoming loss of my beloved dog, as weird as that may sound, shook me a little bit to remind me how much I don't want to miss out on the people I love most in life. I'd never lost someone close to my heart up until this year when my first nanny died. She was very close to our family and has been battling with diabetes and all of its outcomes for years now, but, since I'd never lost anybody that close to me beforehand, I took her existence on this earth and by my side for granted. A week or two before she passed both my sister and my mother went to visit her not knowing that the end is this close, and I didn't come. Looking back, during her funeral, I realized how sorry I am that I had missed out on having a last day with her before she was gone from my eyes forever. It struck me really hard that people are temporary, and that every moment spent with someone you love should really be treasured.
 My dog has been diagnosed with some kind of cancer, and to some people that might sound stupid and cliche, but the truth is she is as human to me as many other people around me aren't. She is so good to people, so kind, and so intelligent, loving and caring. I know that once she's gone it will be another hard loss on me because I've had her now for about 11 years, and she's so dear and close to my heart that I really can't let that go.

I hope that my guitar teacher's life is as long as possible, but I know that, after he has lost his wife, that wish is very selfish. He loved her very much, so I imagine that life without her is really hard on him, but I want him to be there for me forever, because he has taught me so much and been there for me through my toughest years when I was rejected by so called friends and humiliated a lot.
The losses that I've both experienced and will experience soon, I guess, have both made me come to the conclusion that I should spend more time with him, get back to playing, get back to learning music and all other things from this amazing man before it's too late.
Don't do things you know you will regret doing and don't miss out on people you know you won't regret meeting. 

Here for another outfit of the day :D Cheers! 
My cardigan is from Forever 21 and it is striped black and gray. The lacy tank top is from Aerie. I love lingerie tops (as long as they don't expose any unnecessary parts of your body. They are lacy and feminine and a good quality. Rings as usual. The necklace is from a local store. Hit up the comment section if you want a more detailed answer. The jeans are my Lee Cooper, high rise, light blue washed jeans.
That's basically all.

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