What The Fudge?!

Want me to tell you about the weirdest night of my life?! No? Well, I really don't give much of a fudge so I shall tell you anyways.
Just a few hours ago I found myself in the middle of a parking lot very late at night. A girl two years younger than I am being sick all over herself, all over my friend's car, and all over Mr. Guy, who's surprisingly being the responsible adult in charge, and a total gentleman holding her hair up for her while she's sick. And the entire class of '13 watching from the sidelines, except for a few guys that volunteer for the Red Cross and tried helping her in positioning her and keeping her hydrated. Me included; I was watching from afar as if she were a sad clown at a circus that came from a far away land, in which the culture had nothing to do with my own. People just ran back and forth carrying car parts that had sick all over them to wash in a nearby yard of some abandoned house, including Mr. Guy, again acting like the responsible adult, and like a total gentleman. How did we get there?! Well, this is it from my point of view.
Class trip 2013, about a week ago, during a great, amazing, awesome party. It was literally great. The energy was so high up, and, although most people had a few (not so few) drink (at all), most of my friends, surprisingly enough, didn't drink at all, and yet we all came out thinking it was the best party we've been in in a long time. We all had so much fun. The setting on the beach at night was so perfect, as we got a little far from the desert and inched towards the ocean for that night. It was windy enough, but not cold. It was't humid a single bit like it is back home. And all of a sudden, the wind carried whispers about an odd pairing in our grade. Mr. Guy, and a very desperate girl, who shall be named Miss Sunshine, for the sake of this post only, I shall hope, and for reasons who shall be kept secret for my ears only, walked hand in hand towards the shore, which was the far end of the club we were in. Whispers like "she's been all over him for months, maybe he's finally giving in even though she's ugly" reached my ears, but me, having my eyes set on Mr. Perfect, and Mr. Guy at the same time, didn't take it to heart much, because I wasn't too into the story (even when Mr. Perfect himself had his heart broken by another girl that very party). I also didn't care much about those rumors, because I know this girl a little better than most people that talked about her like that because we were on the same delegation, and although she might be a little desperate, she's a sweet girl, and if they care for each other, than all hale Mr. Guy and Miss Sunshine.
I was kinda tired of all the things boy related until a very weird thing had occurred with Mr. Guy. On the last night the school had decided that we'll sleep in huge tents- one for the boys and another for the girls. Before heading to the showers that were there, I had taken a walk with a friend of mine to catch up seeing as we haven't talked in a long time, and she had a few things to tell me. As we walk out of our own tent, where we had placed our stuff, Mr. Guy walks out of the boys' tent and asks me a question I have no answer to. I then told him that I was freezing, because the desert nights will freeze you booty off. A second later, as if synchronized, we both tug at each others' sweatshirts, pulling each other close into a very deep, very long hug. He put his hand in my hair pulling me even closer, and we were just standing there for, literally, two minutes while my friend's waiting for me, and while  his friend is waiting for him. Just standing there, breathing in and out. My friend then proceeded to look at me weird. And I felt weird enough about that hug even without her looking at me funny. That odd feeling spread across my face in the shape of a warm, blushing smile the entire night. That is until I saw him sitting with Miss Sunshine all cuddled up together.
Come yesterday night we go out sitting with a group of a few people, comprising of Mr. Guy, Miss Sick who tagged along for no apparent reason, myself, and many more. We sit there talking, and some how when Miss Sick gets drunk stupid, and then drunk sad, people say that she's drinking so much to grab Mr. Guy's attention. Obviously, the curious person that I am, I had to ask, having absolutely no personal interest in the matter whatsoever. They say that she's been in love with him since last year when she was a Freshman and he was a Senior. She has written him on Facebook all the time, and he, being the playaaa that he is and the manly man that he is, didn't really put her off. Then we get many many texts in our groups on WhatsApp talking about how Miss Sunshine and Mr. Guy might have been together on the party this passing Friday. I know Miss Sunshine didn't really give it to him, because she said so herself, and we are friends, even though she can come across as a smidge desperate. So then Miss Sick's friend takes her to the side, and they disappear for a while, and Mr. Guy goes in to check on them. A half hour later we go there on the way home, and realize that she's been sick all over herself, almost lost consciousness, and a few guys from my grade that happened to be there with the rest of my grade that didn't come with us, but went on their own to the very same place, giving her first aid, trying to help her. And that's after she's already  been sick in my friend's car, a friend who wanted to take her home.
I then realize that Miss Sick over heard all the people laughing at Mr. Guy and Miss Sunshine's supposed affair, and got jealous. That's the reason why her friend texted Mr. guy to come help her with Miss Sick, and that is the reason he felt obligated to help her. Actually, no, that was a complete lie. I did not realize it then.
What did happen is that today I spoke to him for hours and hours. I started a conversation telling him it was sweet and gentleman-like of him to help her like this, and hold her hair away from her face and all. Then again we went on and on talking about many other things. Many of them were him complimenting me, and being all sweet. Later on my friends come over, and my friend talks to me about last night saying how she's pissed at him for playing Miss Sick like that, and that was weird, because that friend of mine has always been very loving towards him, and she's really good friends with him. And she was mad at him for saying that he's doesn't want to play girls like this anymore, and he's looking for something different. "Different my ass" were her words.
THAT was when I realized what happened. And that was the moment I realized I've been acting just as stupid as Miss Sick, letting him play me like he actually cares. I don't know if that is true, but I do know that that friend of mine (she's not single if you thought she likes him or anything. She actually really wanted us to e together this entire time) is a really good friend to the both of us, and that if she tells me something like this then:
a. She's not lying
b. He probably is the one who told her, which makes it rather truthful, more than the rumors about Miss Sunshine and him, that is.
I've been played. Over all before Miss Sick got terribly sick, the night was really great. I had a few nice bonding moments with all sorts of people that I haven't a chance to talk to much, or at all in the past.
This is a song he sent me today while playing me. I quite like it, so at least we've found a new song we didn't know about it. There always is a bright side :)

Sorry I have been a little MIA. Talk soon. XOXO Roni J.

The Perfect Guide To The Perfect Valentineless Day

Hello girls! How are we?
 Well, this week is Valentine's day. Now there are two reasons you might know this. Either you're preparing to buy some sweet present for your valentine, planning a sweet date and thinking about the perfect date, or you're like me and you don't have a valentine, and worse, you're being reminded of how much you don't have a valentine right now, more than any other day. Instead of being Valentine's day, for me, and I know that for plenty other people, this is a reminder of how freaking lonely we are on that date. To me it has become Valentinless day a long time ago.
Now I would like to give pointers for the perfect date, and the the perfect date outfit, and relationship advice, but I would be a hypocrite. Why? Because I know best how to celebrate this miserable Valentineless day. I have celebrated this day 18 times in a row, not once did I spend it with a valentine of mine, and if we want to get really into details, I have actually celebrated it three times each year: the western Valentine's day, the Jewish, and the Chinese that are usually around the summer. If we sum it up quickly it has been: 18 western+17 Jewish+17 Chinese= all in all 52 Valentine's days alone.
Now, this ain't a story about my miserable love life. It is miserable, but that's not the point. I thought that since I have so many years of experience, some good some bad, I will share my perfect guide to a perfect Valentineless day:
Step one- best to not spend it alone even if not with a valentine. Result to spend it with some more single friends, preferably in a group so that you don't feel forever alone. If not in a group try to find one single friend at least, and if not, spend the day with a family member, which could turn out great. Don't be afraid of being alone, nonetheless, as long as you know you won't end up bawling about how miserable you are. There are plenty of things you can do alone to feel good on the day. Try your best not to make plans with people that will cancel last minute. It sucks even worse on Valentine's day.
Step two- pamper yourself as if you have some really important person to meet. So what if it's just you?! You are just as important as any love object you might fid because loving yourself is indeed the most important part. Take a bath, a bubble bath, with a book, a glass of red wine and maybe some candles in the side, preferably have your favorite cheerful music playing in the background. Paint your nails in a nice cheerful color, or any favorite color that would make you feel nice. Dress up. More is more tonight! Especially if you're not going to go in public. Put on make up that your favorite YouTube guru taught you how to put, do your hair, and then go on with your plans.
Step three- the plans. Go eat, make dinner, watch a movie in or out, shopping maybe, a good book if alone. Don't read or watch sappy romantic crap- it doesn't give hope it just makes you feel more miserable.
Step four- sleep a lot. Because you have time. Be happy you don't have to stress over impressing a guy or girl, or over the disappointment that guy or girl might cause you during the day. Just enjoy yourselves.
Step five- spread love. You can do so much by showing others love. No matter if those with whom you share love are lover, relatives, friends, or complete strangers. Take this as a chance to show real gratitude to the people who love you all year, and to random people, who might as well feel just as lonely as you might have hadn't you read this guide before. Remember: all we all really need is love. Whether it's love that comes from outside or inside. If you show people your love for them you can help them, too.

Step six- if you're me, just let the school solve your problem, and take you on your last ever class trip. This time we'll be owning the desert, because there's no better place to be alone with your thoughts than the desert. See you (or rather... not see you?) in four days!
Hope you all have a lovely-loveful Valentine's or Valentineless day. It doesn't really matter whether it's love for a lover, a friend, a family member, or yourself. XOXO Roni J.

Much Much Happier (Haul)

HEEELLLO!

How are we doing today? Anything special happening in this world? I must say that past my birthday blues this world seems like a much brighter, much better, much happier place to live in. I am a much more loving person, more than I have been in far longer than just January. I feel like I'm coming back together with myself, my old self, the one I've missed dearly for far too long, the one that's been hiding under a rotting fake smile, and under the layer after layer of a bitter prune. It feels so much lighter.

I have Mr. Guy to thank for this, really. Ever since I've found myself done with him, and with the bitterness that came with knowing that I'm not what he wants, and that he's not really truly what I want nor is he what I need in my life, ever since than I've been better. It was just an endless cycle that lasted for so long, because I wanted him so bad, but for the wrong reasons. I wanted him, but I knew I shouldn't. It was like a campfire. Every once in a while I would feel warmth and light from it, but every once in a while I'd get too close and get burnt by it, then escape it quickly back into something that's much darker and much colder. So thank you Mr. Guy. Now that you're gone from my heart it is much simpler, much much easier to be happy.

Now I am just splitting up the coins I have a hold on in between a few different bags, so that if one gets stolen I don't lose them all. I don't focus on one guy for now, because I can, and because none of them has done something to deserve all of my coins quite yet.

Speaking of them guys, dear Mr. Perfect made my day. The smallest comment from him literally made me smile so big, and that smile lasted.... The whole day. I was walking in the hallway towards a couple of my friends and he was there. He gave me a good morning hug, and told me I smell nice (new perfume-review's on the way. You'll see it hauled down below in this very post). Then, another good guy friend of mine came and said "Hi perfection!" (We call each other perfection jokingly), and Mr. Perfect in his sweet honesty said "She really is perfect". I swear on the inside I was squeaking of joy. My endorphins and serotonins were rocket high. It was amazing. He is perfect and if he says that with all his honesty then it must means something. Not that I'm perfect, I don't think, but still.

Ever since that moment I was a much happier person. I was kinder, and I think it was notable, as many people just told me I'm glowing and many unexpected people approached me, while as in my previous gloom I'm guessing they would have ran the other way. Even Mr. Guy was more interested in my whereabouts than usual. It's amazing what an honest smile can do.

So yes, men (or rather boys) have an affect on my smiling habits, but it used to be much worse during the past few months. I was hysteric, I'm not gonna lie. Now I am happy because I'm back to my old self. I am a much better friend. I am less self centered, which I hated about myself. 

A part of it is that I started walking again. I felt like for the longest time, probably because of the weather, I have been avoiding walks home. But the weather has warmed up a few days this week, and I decided to use the sunshine for my good and walk a little. I swear that not only was it good for vitamin D, which is said to affect good mood, but the activity itself, and the fresh air. The time to think away from other people is also a great deal. 

Now I can honestly say that shopping a little doesn't hurt either. For exampleee:

1) Two necklaces from Forever Twenty One. I have been wearing many more silver jewelery the past few months and hence I've been buying a little more of them than needed. These two necklaces are both amazing in my opinion. One is a little tribal inspire. It reminds me of a spear. The center of it looks a little like mother of pearl, but it doesn't come across too well in the picture. The second one reminded me a lot of something I saw on Jenn from Clothes Encounters, or maybe of something she might wear. It has the combination of black and silver, which is like my favorite combination. It's really long which is a great quality as well, in my opinion, because this time of year I can wear with scarves and it will still be enough of a statement, and long enough to see, both of these are. I love the detailing on it. All the black marbles and the little pattern around them are gorgeous.

2) Media lipstick by MAC. I love it on Jenn from Clothes Encounters (yes you'll see her name appear many times, as I am in love with her style like nothing else). It is a very very dark wine color. It suits my skin tone perfectly, because it makes my skin look a little less green (I have an olive tint to my skin). It also makes my teeth look flipping white, and my skin have a little more color. It dresses up an outfit like nobody's business.

3) Last, but most definitely not least is Tresor perfume by Lancome in Midnight Rose. It has very deep woody elements to it. In the very first few minutes it smells strongly of peach, but after a while you can start smelling the deep rose and raspberry. The bottle is classy and absolutely beautiful with the purple gradient effect and the deep purple rose attached. Will write a more full review on it soon.

I have also bought a two bras at Aerie, but decided I just would rather leave them out.

Over all I am very pleased with all the things I bought. 

Hope you guys are all well. XOXO Roni J.

The Little Things (January Favorites)

Happy Sunday to us all! How are we today? I hope that great, because we all deserve some greatness in our everyday life.

If you're asking what's going on with this home bud, then the answer is that I am abso-freaking-lutely exhausted, in a good happy cheerful way, but still. I had an amazing birthday. I was reminded of how lucky and fortunate I am to have some of the people I have In my life. My family of course is a big part of it. On Friday morning we went on to the country to eat brunch on a ranch where it was peaceful and green. And the rain came falling down in gallons but we were inside by the fireplace and we sat there for hours drinking cider, which is my favorite hot drink, and talking. We sat there doing what seems like only my family would- solving crosswords and answering trivia questions that come in the Friday newspaper, and I had the time of my life. There is no group of people I would rather spend time with than my family.

I was joyed by a number of people who wrote me some really wonderful things for my birthday. A few that stuck out were a guy friend of mine that I have only gotten to know this year really. I was really quite emotional to get what he wrote to me. He proved to me what I thought was true, that we're turning to be really good friends. I just love him. Another is a guy that went to primary school with me and he and I were barely in touch through the course of the past few years, and then started reconnecting through mutual taste in music that we posted on Facebook, and he sent me a song "Winter Song" saying he knows it's both weather and music taste appropriate and this is one little thing that made me light up. Another is my best childhood friend. I know her literally since I was born and she sent me the most emotional "thank you for being here for me". Her family and friends always judge her a lot and she thanked me for being the only person in her life that doesn't, which to me is the best thing someone could ever say. It means that she really is grateful for our friendship just as much as I am for it. Another was an old crush of mine. He's what I would call the perfect man. He's smart as hell, athletic, looks good, terribly sweet and caring, funny. He has it all. It's been two years or so since my crush on him, but I'm always gonna have something for him because how could you not? And then. He started talking to me on Facebook and then realized it's my birthday and congratulated me and all and then asked me how I was planning to celebrate it so I said jokingly "family friends and a lot of guys" and he asked "oh really? Which guys?" So I replied-"whichever. I am desperate", and then he said the sweetest thing "you? Desperate?! You have absolutely no reason to be desperate״. I know it's a small little thing but I love this guy so much, even if as a friend, and hearing him, Mr. Perfect, say that to me is like the peek of my dreams. Later on in the conversation he told me that he misses me, and that he wishes we'd talk more. At this point it was like my heart was taken out of my chest by him and then put in the microwave until it exploded. I just love him!! My friends then made me breakfast yesterday after a long night at a club (probably one of the worst club experiences of my life 'cause we were all so tired) and I was reminded of how grateful I am for them as well. So those are the little things that made my birthday.

Now these are the little things that made my month:

1)T.V. Shows: 

*The Carrie Diaries. It tells the story of little miss Carrie Bradshaw before her Sex and the City, when she was still a young little virgin. It's a really sweet teen show, and it's really quite entertaining. You're sure to love it if you loved Sex and the City. It premiered earlier this month and I am addicted.

*Skins the British edition. I'm not kidding when I say I finished the first four seasons in less than two weeks. I was a hardcore addict, but you know what?! THEY KILLED ALL MY FAVORITE FREAKING CHARACTERS! Not to spoil anything, hence you don't know who they killed. I just love that show so much!

2) Movies:

*The Silver Linings Playbook. I thought it would be more of a comedy, but it has quite a lot of nutcase drama in it. Nonetheless I loved it very much. 

*The Intouchables. Really good french film. I saw it with my family this past week, and we all enjoyed it. It's terrific. The acting is amazing, the story is inspiring, and the comedy is top notch! 

3) Musician: 

*Passanger. I discovered this guy only this month, and I honestly don't know how I had lived prior to hearing his music. Absolutely up my street. Hits every note that makes my heart melt or my eyes tear up. I don't have enough good things to say about his lyrics and music. The lyrics are all so descriptive, and so picturesque. They truly tell a heartbreaking story in so little lines. They melody is so serene and soothing.

4) Song:

*What You're Thinking by Passanger (surprise surprise). Better hear it for yourself. I think I have already put it up in one of the posts lately, but darn it, I am an addict.

5) Perfume:

*Number 8 by Abercrombie. I have already written a few reviews and descriptions of it. The shame is that I am running out of it, and I haven't been able to find it in any near Abercrombie recently for the strangest reason. Don't run out on me please!

6) Nail Polish:

*Markwins. I never knew this brand, but I bought four of their nail polishes in Target I think, and I fell in love with the red shade "Dark Red". I'm not even sure it has a name. Apparently they've got something to do with Wet n' Wild, but honest to God I have no idea really. It's sparkly, and wintery, and lovely and I just love it. Good application with only two coats that lasts a long time. 

Love a lot and hope your week turns out to be great :D XOXO Roni J.