Once upon a time, like a week ago, a new sandbox was placed in the playground. It's MY playground, and the rules state so. But an oh-so-familiar intruder decided to walk into my playground that one night, and tread all over my rules. He sat in the sandbox, and started playing as if it's his playground. I said fine I guess this intruder's lonely, I'll just play with him, because no one likes to play alone in the sand box. Turns out little intruder over there didn't really want any company, and he started playing dirty. This is when I decided I will grab him by the ear and kick him off my playground. My ground. My rules. Rather play alone than have my mouth stuffed with sand.
Once upon a time, like a week ago, I got tired of seeing Mr. Guy's face on my Facebook chat, and I pulled a second grader trick deleting him off of my friends list. Shamefully, he decided it's OK to ask my permission to be my Facebook friend, yet again. I decided to add him anyways because otherwise he might ask questions about it, and maybe find out the truth, where as the last thing I wanted to happen through deleting him was him discovering that I like him. So I added Mr. Guy to my playground, ehhh I mean Facebook, yet again.
He then started asking how come we weren't friends and I just said "oh, weird, how did that happen?". Yeah right. How DID it happen?! Gee, I don't know. And then the thing I wanted least right after him discovering what not happened- it started a flirty chat. Crap. He literally, in the chat, obviously, said that he wants me, that I am the most beautiful girl, that he loves me. And me remaining the second grader naive tuba face I am, I fell for it, yet again, surprise surprise.
The next day he kept playing, and toying with me, and playfully teasing me, touching me, hugging me. I realized he was playing, but little tuba face here ignored the crap out of the facts, 'cause she wanted this to be true. Second-grader-fairytale-ending come true. Not cool, Roni, not cool.
And then comes the next day, yesterday, and we do a little barbeque evening with our some people in our grade, and he ignores me like fudge. Like rotten, ugly, tuba face, fudge being ignored.
Yeah, I thought I was gonna play with you in the same sandbox, but seeing as all it did was replace my saliva with grains of sand, I would rather kick you off. You want to play dirty, mister? Go ahead, but not on this playground. "If you're playing me, keep it on the low, 'cause my playground won't take it anymore".
So screw you, Mr. Guy. You've had a whole lot more than enough chances to intrude this playground peacefully, but if you aren't willing to play by the rules, and you wanna play dirty, play with yourself. You'll need your right hand's help when you are left old and alone.
Life isn't always black and white. There are shades of gray, 50 to be exact. No, I'm just kidding, but it takes a lot of time to separate and notice those shades of gray. We kind of love that definite answer; black and white, "yes" and "no", up and down, when in reality you can be up, but hanging upside down. Does that mean you're up or down?
The past two days I was depressed. I was angry because I wasn't getting a definite answer from the universe. What I didn't realize was that "yes" and "no" are beautiful wonderful answers, but they can't answer "why?", and they never will be able to. Instead of asking "is it...?", and "does he....?", I kept asking questions like "Why do I..?" "Why does he not..?". Truth is that if I had wanted to get a definite answer, I wouldn't have asked those confusing question. I would have found better questions, definite questions that can be answered with either a "yes" or a "no".
I just didn't want a definite answer. I wanted a "maybe", an "I don't know", and the forever loved "it might take some time". I wasn't honest with myself, because I wanted the dishonest answer. I wanted to think there's a chance we'll ever end up together. I wanted to think I'm his only one. I wanted to think he is different to what he is in reality. But things don't work out that way.
I realized I need to change the way I think about it. It has dawned on me that I have.. Real strong feelings for him. I refused to say that I am in love with him, because that's weakness in my eyes. But then a good good childhood friend of mine came to me with an honest answer. She said a definite answer to an indefinite question, because she knew it would hurt more to keep being delusional, than to actually know the answer. She told me I will keep feeling stuff for him until the end of the year, when we will both part ways practically forever. I will go to one college and he will go to another, and... That's how it's going to be. And then it dawned upon me. On one hand, I want him out of my life so that I can move on, but on the other hand I almost tear up at the thought of us parting ways forever, and I would rather watch him make out with thirty more girls than to never have him in my life again, even if it means I'll never actually have a hold on him. They say you know you love a person when you can't imagine your life without them... Well, I can, I really can, but every body part of mine doesn't want to accept it.
So life is both black and white, I want him as far away from me as possible so that I can forget him, but I also want him as close to me as possible, so that I will never have to say goodbye. It's not really that life is gray, it's just that the black and white live together like a checkered board.
"Does he love me?", "yes, he does". "Does he love others?", "yes, very much". "Does he care for me?", "yes, yes he does". "Does he care for others?" "yes, he does, with all his heart". "Will he ever want to hurt me?", "oh God no". "Did he ever?", "hell yea".
So I think I better define this indefinite story. I love him. I probably will always have some kind of feeling for him. I don't ever want to tell him, but I hope that I will someday, because it's weighing down my chest when I walk past him, and when he looks me in the eyes with his beautiful blue eyes, and the most when he touches me. I don't think we'll ever be together, and it hurts in every bone in my body. I never want to say goodbye, but I know that I will have to soon. I will have to love him from afar, because I have a feeling that other wise I might jump him, or burst. And it will go away, even if that's the last thing I want. I will not prevent myself from living on the life I am supposed to have. I will go to all the parties that I want to go to in spite of the fact that he'll surely be there, and be there with another girl, at that. Because I need that pain, and I need to have it go away, and it will in the end.
This spring, much like life, is all about the combination of black and white, and making them work together side by side. Although the look is amazingly classy and clean, it can be a bit boring. So here are some items that will help you create an interesting monochromatic look:
1. The easiest way to make an interesting black and white outfit is by wearing a dress. It's a no fuss kind of outfit. It's summery, breezy, and easy. This dress from Freepeople.com is a perfect combination of black and white. The black lace gives off a sexy feel, and the soft lace detailing at the bottom and the cut at the bottom make it super feminine and soft. It can be dressed up with heels and a clutch for a cocktail party, or dress it down with a chambray top and even low top converse for a casual day. 2. Another easy way is to incorporate different textures into the outfit to make it a little more interesting. A good example is leather (faux leather) shorts into the outfit. They give a little edge and a different texture like these from Urbanoutfitters.com. Another option for texture is a light weight cable knit sweater like this one from Topshop.com
that has amazing knitted detailing.
3. Third way to do this in a more interesting way is studding or embellishments. Things like these shorts from Pullandbear.com that are embroidered beautifully, and are light and breezy and comfortable for even the sweatiest of days, because they don't stick. Another pair of interesting shorts is this one from Hm.com. It's not just a regular studded pair of shorts. There are different kinds of studs on it and even skull studs, but subtle ones so that it's not too dark.
4. Last way to incorporate it through clothes is by wearing distinguishable patterns. A lovely trend is crazy pants. I found a pair in Zara.com that I absolutely love, the print is so beautiful and different. I really like the way it looks from afar and from close up. Another cool pattern is the window pane pattern that was all over runways and is perfect, and is displayed through this blazer from Forever21.com . Not only do I love the pattern, but it an easy thing to style up or down. It's great for chilly spring days.
Hope you all have a great fantastic day, and that just like yin and yang you find a way to balance out your blacks and you whites. XOXO Roni J.
Hello,
How are you? Me? Not too glamorous. Wondering why? It's quite an interesting story, if I may be completely unbiased.
The musical I had been working on the past month or two, played for the first and last time yesterday. It went fairly smoothly (even though I made a couple of mistakes on stage, but screw this, I ain't no professional), and the rehearsals beforehand were all a lot of fun, although nerve wrecking and tiring as heck. It was very rewarding being on stage and finally completing the whole thing from start to finish with a crowd dotted with people who care about you, and came to see you watching.
In the final song I started crying, because that's what I always do, and as I walk off stage Mr Guy shows up out of nowhere, and sees me crying, and he looks at me, and for a minute I think I might see some love in his eyes, but that's my dilusional self. He comes and hugs me for a quiet minute. There's so much noise in the background, so many people trying to get out of the big auditorium, but all I can hear is my stupid sobs on his freaking shoulder, and that's all I care about.
The after party, on the other hand, went down........Less than OK, at least on my behalf. I had such high expectations, wanting it to be a special, fun night, when I might even get to become brave and step out of my shell, but then again, the higher the hopes, the harder they fall, and these hopes, my sweet friend, came crashing down. Crashing down like a pilot flying a plane with flaming engines. So we walk in, and I'm having a good time. I am dancing, feeling hot because a lot of people complimented me on my looks yesterday, and mostly because I was looking good. I am looking for Mr. Guy, because, hey, obviously in order to have fun I need him around. Pffft, yea, of course, because that has proven itself right in the past. NOT. And I see the mother chucking bastard kissing another girl. Now, I am angry. I am angry not because he is to blame. God no. This guy has done nothing wrong to me in his life. I am the stupid one that knew this was going to happen in the after party and not my stupid hopes that he will be with me, and that we'll drive off into the sunset together, as if this were a freaking fairytale. I knew it was about to happen and I still hoped and wished and wanted him to pick me up and fly me to the moon. Idiot. And my heart cracked a little, but then he comes up to me like two minutes or so after I see him sucking face with that other girl, Miss Sunshine, if you remember what I'm talking about. He comes to me and puts one hand on my waist and the other cups my cheek, and he whispers to me "You look good. I love you", and kisses me on the cheek. Obviously he was a bit drunk, much like many more people in that after party. So you remember how I said he hasn't done anything bad to me his entire life? Yea let's rephrase that. He has never in his life done anything to intentionally hurt me. But then again when he says something like this to me right after I saw him kissing another girl.... What am I supposed to feel?
Am I supposed to feel sad? Scared? Crushed? Like my lungs are burning, because I am losing that glimpse of hope that I was still holding onto, wanting him to want me back so bad that I was willing to give parts of myself up?
Being the stupid, idiotic masochist that I am, I see them walking out of the club together, and I am so curious that I go out right behind them. When I reach the other side of the door I realize no parts of myself are ready to be handed over yet. I am not selfish enough. What I saw on the other side of the door was about half of the 120 something people that were supposed to be inside the club, outside, either drunk to almost death, or helping others through them being this drunk. One of these was a really good friend of mine, one of my best. I wasn't there when she drank, but I should have been, and I still blame myself for letting her, and another friend drink when I wasn't there, because I should have kept them safe. That's my job as a friend. Instead, they both almost lost consciousness. I took care of that friend and another friend that was right next to her, supposedly fine, that was crying hysterically telling me the only reason she's crying is because she's freaking out, but I'm telling you straight up, this girl was in over her head as well. Her head was spinning as well, and she was crying so hard in a way that, I swear, no one in their right, sober mind would ever cry. She bawled her eyes out uncontrollably. And I mean I, myself, was pretty stressed out, heck I was about to pee my pants, but I kept it together through adrenaline rush, because I knew they needed me. If she really was as sober as she claimed to be she would be full of adrenaline and not acting like a stupid idiot interrupting me while I try and help the other girl.
Truth is I did drink a little in the beginning of that evening. I am so very sorry I did. I made drinking legitimate and OK, when in reality it is everything besides that. To be honest I didn't even get the slightest bit drunk, and was faking my drunk behavior in the beginning just to get people off my back so that they stop trying to tell me to drink. I did. That's where it ends. I know I was sober because I didn't feel even the slightest bit dizzy, and when I saw my friends outside.. I sobered up instantly. So whatever did hit me, and made me feel like I was drunk or whatever, cleared up, and I was ready and geared for anything that people could have thrown at me.
In the end we decided to call her mother because it was above my abilities to help her and try and help the rest of my drunk friend, which I can honestly say was something I never thought I'd see to this degree. Today she woke up fine, but I still felt a pang of guilt in me.
When trying to help another friend that got back together with her freshly broken up two weeks ago ex, the one that she's been on and off with for 2 years already, it humiliated me how sick my friend sounds. It's the same one that thought she had cancer, thanks God she doesn't, but I mean a different kind of sick. For starters she got crazy drunk, blind- I am not going to remember any of this at all- kind of drunk. She got back together with her ex after saying how much of a douche he is (I, personally love him and he's one of my best guy friends), and how weak and spineless he has become. Then she starts crying when her mom arrives to take her home, as well, because she's throwing up and having a hard staying awake, and she starts saying things like "never leave me", "why did you leave me? Is it because I am fat and ugly?", and stuff like that when he literally has to pull himself away from her tight grip saying "why do I deserve to feel like this on what is supposed to be one of the biggest nights of my senior year?" And he is fully right, but she is sick. I think it's becoming an eating disorder, and she's known to be harmful to herself in sorts of things like that, but I thought it had stopped around 9th grade, when I barely knew her. Apparently I still barely know her, because she hasn't changed a bit.
After all this and trying to take care of tons of others, as well, I sat down and a guy from my grade that I am not too close with, but we do share a close group of friends, joined me We'll call him Sir Boy. Sir Boy and I talked and all, and it seemed to me like he might have been flirting, but I might have been a little too tired, and too upset by then to even notice. Then he offered we walk to the beach, and I mean, I think he might have intended the two of us alone, but me being the stress case I am I offered some other people that got tired of the drama to join us, very innocently, not sure if that is what he meant or not. The club's literally on the beach so we went in just to our calves, and froze our ovules and sperms off. It then started raining. We walk under the roof of where the club was, and wait for the buss that's supposed to take us home, and then we see Big Guy walking to walk of shame with another girl from my grade... Why am I always attracted to players?
It ended alright I guess, and I had a lot of fun with one of my guy friends that I used to really love until the beginning of this school year. I don't if you remember, but anyways he is one of my favorite people. Secretly I will always love him, because he just always knows how to make me feel better.
I hope you guys take care of yourselves. Don't test your limits too much, because hurting yourself badly, and humiliating yourself to that extant in the name of getting high or whatever is simply not worth all the pain and suffer that you cause yourself.
I am starting to write my next post- Interviews With Mr. Charming, this is a sarcastic question and answer post about my stupid ideas of what love is..
I love you very much, be safe, and love one another, XOXO Roni J.
Hello sweeties,
How are you? Are you doing well?
I hope you are! I really want to thank you all for getting me over a thousand views this year. It might not sound like a lot when other people get this number daily, but the fact that anybody might be remotely interested in hearing what I, a complete stranger, have to say, baffles me, intrigues me, and excites me. So thank you, even if it doesn't mean much to you, it means a lot to me.
I guess that besides writing fashion, beauty, and all sorts of other not very personal posts, this kind of became a journey. I can look back at posts from directly a year ago, and laugh at how pathetically naive, and how it hasn't even changed a bit, and of how I miss some things that I used to be, or some people I used to be close to.
Today I woke up feeling... Rather less confident about myself. I guess it's not that I woke up this way really. I went out for coffee with two of my friends. One of them is someone I used to be really close with up until this year, and for some reason I'm starting to feel like it's fading away.
I don't know what it is about her that's changing, or maybe I have my eyes opened wider, but she's becoming.. Someone I don't feel comfortable around, someone I don't feel safe sharing my secrets with, someone that I feel like is judging me to the bone.
We talked the parties that are going to take place this week, and there are many, and she kept saying "Roni has to drink to one of these parties to open up", and such things. I mean she might have good intensions wanting to help me open up to a guy maybe, or share my first kiss with someone, but it's starting to sound like it's bothering her that I have not been kissed at 18 more than it bothers me. She's talking about it like it's some sort of impediment, like I'm fucked up (sorry for the use of language), like I'm not ok, and my values are not ok, and they need to be changed in order for me to ever get a guy to look at me. I know this might sound like I'm over thinking the use of her words just a little too much, like I do about everything else in my life, but then again it's not the only thing she said.
She used to have a theory about me becoming a player after my first kiss, and now she's starting to say how she has a new theory about the rest of my life. Her new theory being that I will get tired of being scared of men, that I will unwillingly become lesbian. Not only is that the most ridiculous stupid thing to say, but that's actually really mean. She doesn't want me to break out of my shell anymore, she's just excepting the fact that I am going to live in this shell forever. She doesn't believe in me anymore, which is really not a... Best friend-y thing to do.
I might be wrong about this, and this might be some hidden jealousy for her situation speaking in my name, but I feel like ever since she got a boyfriend, about a year ago, she slowly starts feeling more and more like she has it better than me, like my way is wrong, and maybe even a little like she is superior to me. And that hurts. I don't want to feel like my friend, one of my best, lost faith in me. That beats the purpose of being a best friend.
Big Guy hasn't really contacted me since that phone call a few days ago, which made me realize how beautifully naive I was to think he wants me just because of what he said, probably jokingly, and that phone call that was possibly only so that he could ask a question about biology, and nothing more.
Mr. Guy on the other hand has been acting weird. You know how I said he paid me no attention the day I got the call from Big Guy? Like he intensionally ignored me the moment he found out that I know it was he who gave Big Guy my number. The days later he was acting completely different.
He kept bugging me, and touching me, and being playful, and pushing and tormenting.. Like some kind of courtship that I might be hallucinating. He kept teasing, and looking for attention, seems like especially physical. Yesterday he saw me crying. There was a man who had lost his son, and in the background a song was playing, by a guy that died soon after writing the song saying how he can't stop thinking about his father saying "If something ever happens to you, I have no other reason to live", and I saw that man's pain, and his face contorted with tears. I saw his heart breaking in front of me and could do nothing about it. And when I see another person crying, especially this hard, and this heartbreakingly, I cry.
Mr. Guy was stunned. I don't tend to display many emotions around guys, especially if I have feelings for them, because it's some kind of defenses I put up, I guess. Many people say I remind them of Daria from the Nickelodeon show Daria. Not because I look like her, at all, but more so because I don't shine through like someone that gives a shit too often. He was shocked to see me cry, and I was bawling my eyes out for this man. He said "I didn't think you had it in you".
I don't know what's gotten into me again. How come all this makes me forget how much of a jerk he is some times. How come all of his mistakes disappear, and mean absolutely nothing when he looks at me with his blue eyes. I just melt looking into them.
I swear he's just a piece of cow poo, but then he looks me in the eyes with his mischievous smile, and I melt away forgetting how big of a bum he is. And he calls me queen bee and I look at him trying to look angry, like I don't like that he calls me that at all, but then I see his smile, and my frown is contorted into a smile.
Dear Mr. Guy, if only you knew what power your eyes have over me, that they made me start craving you all over again, even though you are such an unfitting match for me, I wonder what you'd do. Would you even care? Would that matter to you? Would you just try to use me like all the other girls you've been with or would you actually give a crap about me and my values, and respect them? Or maybe would you just be grossed out?
I wish I had an ability to read his thoughts only. I don't care what anybody else thinks about me, not really. Just him. To know. I don't think I would ever change who I am, even if I knew he wants me and the only thing separating between us is one small flaw I have, because even if I give a crap, I really do like the person that I am, and I work by my values, but maybe just a hint to know whether this is completely useless.
Thanks again for reading this nonsense, hope you come back for some more nonsense soon. XOXO Roni J.
Hello pretty girls.
How are we? You know me, always getting better. Thank goodness my friend got her test results a few hours ago, and thank goodness yet again, she doesn't have cancer, and it was just a scare. I cannot express the happiness I have in me for her being well and healthy. It was a weird weight to bare the past month. Ever since she went to the doctor's and he said cancer might be the reason she was getting these stomach ache all the time, I was scared out of my mind, praying for her well being every night, worrying that she is going to get lost in fear, because she has before in her life.
So things are always looking up. I'm not saying you have to believe in God, but it has so far in my life (knock on wood) proved itself to be a good way to deal with things. Not believing in God necessarily, but believing in yourself, believing in the good, believing that things are for the best, and will get better soon. I just had to share the relief. It's the most amazing news I've gotten recently.
Another weird thing happened to me yesterday, while we were practicing for the senior musical. I don't know if I've talked about him, but in the musical I play a part with a guy in my grade that is absolutely dear. I mean I am insanely attracted to him, and I know he's kind of a player (Mr. Guy's best friend... No wonder), but he is insanely sweet, and he just lights up my world... We shall name him.... Big Guy (yup, most of the guys I'm attracted to will be named guy, because that's the way I am. He is really wide and tall, hence the name-Big Guy). Anyways when we were at a party last weekend, after a long break from rehearsals in which we hadn't seen each other. He is also my bio lab partner, so we've had quite a lot of interaction lately. And at the party he came up behind me and held me, I'm guessing that slightly drunk, but he didn't smell like it, and said "I've missed you". Needless to say I melted like a freaking marshmallow in s'mores.
Me being the stress case I am, every time he's supposed to kiss me on the cheek during the musical, I melt like a butter on a freshly toasted bread. I know. A kiss on the cheek, how much of a stinking shy girl can I be. The answer is infinitely shy.
So what happened yesterday in rehearsal, anyways, was me resting a little on the bars that were hanging at the gym. The bars were the kind that are just two bars sticking out of the wall, and you rest your hand on them and lift your legs up and down in order to get you tummy muscles working. So I was just leaning against the wall with my arms on the bars that were lowered, because it's the middle school gym. I was watching from the sidelines, basically, and saw him and thought how funny it could have been if he had cornered me. Guess what happens... He comes up in front of me, and puts his hands on the bars lifting himself up, so literally, he basically cornered me. He lowers himself down to my ear and says "Roni, I think it's time we talked about the tension between us", and I'm like...... WHAT?! WHERE did that come from just now?! Laughing on the inside at how weird it was that I was just thinking about it happening and kind of pushed the thought away like that ain't gonna happen. So I push him away slightly thinking well, hello, Big Guy, aren't you just a smidge too close?
Because that's what a stress case thinks about straight away rather than did he just say he wants you? And I say alright Big Guy (I didn't really say Big Guy, I said his name), let's talk. He said aww you ruined the atmosphere, and we talked for a short while, not about the tension between us, but like two seconds, and then we had to go back and dance the dance number that we are both a part of.
Today comes around and I am still quite shocked about what happened. Like how it happened, and what he said all seems blurry and odd. Oh, but then, yes, then, I get a text message from dear Big Guy, and I'm like... What? Where does he have my number from. Anyways he asked me if I could help him study for a test we have tomorrow, and I mean I don't know if it was just him thinking I'm smart, and that if he wants success he should ask me for help, or if he wanted to use that excuse for talking to me.
Funny thing is..... He asked Mr. Guy for the number. Yup. The one that I have had mixed feelings about for the past something that looks like 8 months maybe, maybe even more. Why? Because they are freaking best friend, and guess what? Mr. Guy gave him my number. And it pisses me off like nothing else. The most sarcastic joke was just pulled on me, and it is really not funny. What? You had to give him my number? Not that I have a problem with Big Guy having my number, not at all, I actually quite like the guy and am extremely attracted to him, but... Ugh, why would I ever think something was going on between us? There was nothing, and I do mean nothing. Nada. Zepooo. And I just got hurt by you not even rejecting me, but just giving away my number to your best friend who wanted my number, God knows what for. I know there was nothing between us, and even when there was the slightest sign that there might be something worth talking about, even then you kept going making out, and other more graphic stuff with other girls, so hell, why would I even think that? Why would I ever get mad at you for giving away my number like there was nothing between us, when there was actually nothing between us? I am the one that's messed up for being mad at him, you see?
Anyways, I'll keep believing and being positive, and I will keep being true to myself, and I know this is probably for the best. I know Mr. Guy is unhealthy, and isn't serious or driven or caring. I also know that Big Guy is a lot of these things. He's not perfect, not at all to say the least, but I can see better things coming our of liking him than came out from being attached to Mr. Guy that doesn't even give a darn yarn about me.
Back to the actual topic, let's talk spring. And let's talk our favorite spring things if we may. Here are the questions, courtesy of Missglamorazzi, Ingrid, on Youtube, that did this tag a week or two ago, and I thought it was cute and fitting. Here are the questions:
1. Favorite spring nail polish: This spring-summer season color is pistachio, which is really light pastel green, a little different from the mint that we saw last spring in the fact that it is more green than teal. And I love that color. So the nail polish I naturally chose for this category is in the pistachio shade. First Timer by Essie is my choice. It is from the latest collection called the Resort collection, and all of the colors are quite sweet, but this one just... Grabbed me, as I was grabbing it. So, yup this is it.
2. What is Your must-have lip color this spring? On Hold, my dear beloved lipstick from MAC that I have just talked about for hours in my March Favorites post, Marching On. It's such a pretty pink color that suits my skin perfectly, and I love the fact that It's a cremesheen so it's light. I also don't like going too light or bright on my lips, otherwise it washes me out, which is not a good look on me, so the fact that it's not the lightest shade is a great thing in my opinion.
3. Show us your favorite spring dress! Alright, alright, just don't yell at me. It's this beautiful blue floral dress from Topshop a few years ago. I love that it sits perfectly on my body, and looks like it came from a 50's housewife. It cinches in at the waist, which gives your body a really sweet feminine look, and the neckline is not deep, so it's feminine, but not cheap.
3. What's your favorite spring flower? My favorite spring flower is daffodil. It's simple, and beautiful, and smells really fresh and good. I love it. I especially love the white daffodils, and we grow them in the garden every spring. They make me happy.
5. Favorite spring accessory?
My favorite spring accessory is my beautiful wool sun hat. It is a little warm because it is wool, but it is just... Beautiful. I have nothing more to add.
6. What spring trend(s) are you most excited about? Stripes. I love my stripes. I just adore that pattern, and it comes back every year, which makes it a really good staple piece that you can use over and over and over again, every year. I also adore the fact that black and white outfits are in. The monochromatic look is so classy and modern, and I love me some black, so it's another perfect trend for me.
7. Favorite spring candle?
For me it's definitely Tiki Beach by Bath and Body Works. It's a warm scent, which I love, but are less popular scents around summer, and more around winter. But let me assure you, it is fabulous. It smells like coconuts, vanilla and musk. Ahh it makes my nostrils melt with joy.
8. Favorite perfume for spring?
I think it's quite obvious. I will not repeat this again. Just look at last week's post, and you will know why I freaking love Tresor Midnight Rose by Lancome.
9. What is spring like where you live?
Here it gets slightly chilly every once in a while, and at night, but mostly, it is sunny during the day, and warm, and humid at times, but still very lovely.
10. Favorite thing about spring?
I know this will sound... I don't know... Sappy, but the thing I love most about spring is the way it makes my mother feel. Every time she sees a flower blooming, and every time she sees that the sun doesn't set so early in the day, she is ecstatic, and whatever makes her happy, makes me happy.
11. Are you a spring cleaner?
I'm a spring messer. Does that answer the question?
12. Any plan for spring break or an upcoming vacation?
I just came back from Rome, so I can't ask for more.
That's all. Hope you have a wonderful day and that you stay kind, and loving, and generous. I tag you all to do it if you want to. Love, XOXO, Roni J.
Hello girls,
I planned on writing this post today, but it seems like that decision was made so long ago... I had a great day. We had a long rehearsal for the musical I talked about in the post When In Rome that I wrote about a week ago. We started doing the dance number where we dance in couples, and one of my most lovely beloved guy friends and I are dancing that number together, which I couldn't be any more happy about.
The problem is... I got some news today, that kind of make it hard to remember all that. I... got the news that a good friend of mine, with whom I got quite close this year, might have gotten cancer. And now... "it sure makes everything else seem so small".
I'm so scared, God, I'm frightened out of my mind. The thing that scares me the most, to be honest, is not the fact that she might be sick, or the fact that I might lose her, God forbid, that scares me a crapload as well, but the thing that frightens me the most is, actually, the fact that I have no idea how to help her. I want to say the words that would heal it all, and would cure her of anything bad. I want to be there for her and hold her hand through anything she might have to face. I just don't know what to say. I just don't know what to do. I just get sick to my stomach just thinking that I might have to find the words.
How can you march on from something like this? How do you get up, and walk on forward, being strong, because you have to be that way for someone else? Moving forward seems like the hardest task in the world right now. "For all of the times we've stopped, for all of the things I'm not, we put one foot in front of the other, we move like we ain't got no other. We'll go where we'll go- we are marching on".
As long as this is not a sure thing yet, which I hope it will never become a sure thing so bad, I shall now put my thoughts and prayers aside for a second, and go back to something shallow, something that freaks me out a little less, something that will help me forget for a second, and maybe that break will help me find the words, because, otherwise, I really don't have any idea in mind as of what I should do.
March has been, the most fantastic, most amazing, most crazy most hectic, most full of friends and laughter and joy I've had in a long time. I could live this month over and over and over again, and never get bored, because it was full with everything I could ever ask for.
I kind of summed up all that happened in the last post that I linked somewhere up there right above those few lines of simple and honest melt down. There was Rome, and there was quality time with my sister, there were amazing sleepovers, crazy parties, amazing times with friends, boys, rehearsals, dancing, singing, acting, sleeping (barely), there was waking up early for a quick chem class after a crazy night out, there were pubs and bars, there were trip with old friends, and there were trips with new friends, there were family dinners, there was past, and there was future, but, mainly, there was present. I lived in the moment almost every moment of this month, and nothing makes me more grateful to God, (I've been sounding religious in this post, so I'm sorry if that offends you in anyway or angers you, but I do have my beliefs) to my family, to my friends, and anyone who's made this month possible, than the times I've had. This is everything I could ask for.. I just wish it could last forever...
So I'll tell you about a few things that made the past two months (yes February you were pretty darn great yourself, and I was too busy to talk about you, and I'm sorry) into what they were.
#Favorite hair products:
1) Hair mask- Elvive Damage Care hair mask. I have never really had to use a hair mask before, because I have naturally healthy hair, but, when I dyed the ends of it blonde for the Ombre, it drained the life out of my hair. I bought this mask, because I used another conditioner from that company previously, and I loved it, but there wasn't the matching mask to that conditioner, so I took this one. It's helped my ends feel softer, and not so brittle. There are still split ends, because it's not a magical worker, but it helped tremendously. I use it once a week ever since February, and, since you don't need much (about ping pong ball amount-randomest description ever), it still isn't even close to running out, which is great, because you get value for the price you pay, which isn't even that much. I don't remember exactly how much it cost, but it wasn't bad at all.
2) Conditioner- Elvive Damage Care conditioner. From the same range as the hair mask, as you can see. When I saw how great the mask was, I picked up a matching conditioner to try it out, and it is amazing. Not only does it leave your hair really soft, and really easy to detangle, it also has the best scent ever. I am not kidding you about the amount of people who smelled my hair these past two months, and complimented me about how amazing it smells. I also got great compliments on the shine that I have to my hair, which is thanks to both products listed above.
#Makeup Products:
1) Eyeshadow- Charcoal Brown by MAC. I will be honest now, the most I did with this eyeshadow was really not eye related. I contoured with it. I know it sounds freaky since it's really pigmented, and dark, but what I did was place it in a thin line with my finger right below the jaw bone, and then blended it in really well with a blush brush. I also have a really high brow so I blend this in right at the bottom of
the brow bone, and a little into the crease if I want to look more put together. I love this shadow to pieces
2) Blush- Fleur Power by MAC. I was really into cheeks this month, which is quite an odd thing to say, but for the first time, if I hadn't done my cheeks I wouldn't have felt complete. This blush is absolutely gorgeous. It is really pigmented, especially if I use my Ecotools blush brush, for some reason, so you need to use it with a really light hand. I apply it a little off of my apples and more on the outer part of my cheek bones, and blend it onto my temples, because it makes you look younger than when applying to the apples themselves. I love this blush. It is a peachy, rosey, pink matte blush, which I love, because it looks natural, and I hate high shimmer on my cheeks.
3) Lipsticks:
*Media by MAC. It is a dark vempy color. It suits my olive skin tone so well, and makes my teeth look whiter. I love it, even though, when going into spring I was supposed to ditch the dark lip colors. I don't care. I sometimes play it down in the day time by putting Vaseline on first, and then it looks light and glossier. It's a satin finish, by the way.
*Racy by MAC. Unfortunately it is a limited collection lipstick. WHYYYY?!! It is from a collection that came out in 2008 I think, I found it in my sister's stuff, unopened, untouched, fabulous and ready for me to steal it from her, which I obviously did. Beautiful deep red color with golden shimmer running through it. Of course I can't find it now, and I can't find what finish it is online, but I think it might be frost. Doesn't matter, because you can't buy it anymore... *ANGRY*
*On Hold, also by MAC. Lovely lovely cranberry pink shade. Looks like the color of my lips but a few shades deeper. I love it for everyday, because it looks quite springy, but still a bit dark, because light lipsticks look pasty on me. It looks far too dark in the picture, but, oh well. It's a cremesheen finish. It's freaking lovely and comfortable to wear.
#Beauty:
1) Perfume- Tresor Midnight Rose by Lancome. It smells freaking delicious, and I've been complimented on the smell of it, as well as the smell of my hair because of the conditioner, so many times it's gotten ridiculous. It smells like roses obviously, but not an overwhelming scent of roses, because I, myself don't like rosey scents all that much. I like deeper sweeter scents in general, so if you don't like a sweet scent, this could be quite sickening to you. It also smells like raspberries, and a little bit like vanilla and woody scents. I have not worn ANY other perfume since I got it last month, and I am one to choose perfume by mood, so I basically usually change it daily.
#Entertainment:
1) Musician- Ed Sheeran. He is.... He is just... Unbelievable, and unbelievably talented. Not only does he sing like an angel, his lyrics are phenomenal, and his compositions are heartbreaking, he can cover any song like nothing in the world. I just... adore him. I've been listening to Miss You, Kiss Me, Small Bump, Give Me Love, Cold Coffee, Little Bird, his cover to Thrift Shop with another great artist, Passanger, that was in January's favorites, and to his cover of Don't Think Twice It's alright. He's one beautiful ginger man
2) Song- Surprisingly, not by Ed, is the beautiful A Thing For Me by Metronomy, but not the original one, although I love it, as well. I am talking about the remix. It's the best thing, most catchy thing this world invented. It's my cookie to crumble if you know what I mean.
3) Movie- 21 Jump Street. I watched it for the first time about two weeks ago, and I laughed my eyes out. I just loved it.
4)T.V. Shows-
*Smallville. Started watching it again. Best show ever.
*Everwood. Had a fun time going back in time watching that show. Quite a crappy teen show but I liked it.
*New Girl. The new episodes just crack me up like nothing else.
4) Books-
*Divergent and Insurgent. Once I finally had time I read through them as fast as lightening. Love them both for their distopian creativity, and the amount of detail put into the book in order to create that world.
*Uglies. Another distopian series. I've just started Uglies, and I freaking love the book so much. I hope to read through them fast, but I barely got time. Again, so much detail put into the description of the place, but not in a boring dragging it too long kind of way. Love it.
*Kindle. Took it to Rome with me and read every night until I fell asleep holding it. I love that little thing. It holds up greatness.
Hope with all of my heart that you have a great weekend, and that you are safe, and healthy, and surrounded by people you love. If there's ever a time of need go to the Contact Me page. I'm here!
XOXO Roni J.
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