Much Much Happier (Haul)

HEEELLLO!

How are we doing today? Anything special happening in this world? I must say that past my birthday blues this world seems like a much brighter, much better, much happier place to live in. I am a much more loving person, more than I have been in far longer than just January. I feel like I'm coming back together with myself, my old self, the one I've missed dearly for far too long, the one that's been hiding under a rotting fake smile, and under the layer after layer of a bitter prune. It feels so much lighter.

I have Mr. Guy to thank for this, really. Ever since I've found myself done with him, and with the bitterness that came with knowing that I'm not what he wants, and that he's not really truly what I want nor is he what I need in my life, ever since than I've been better. It was just an endless cycle that lasted for so long, because I wanted him so bad, but for the wrong reasons. I wanted him, but I knew I shouldn't. It was like a campfire. Every once in a while I would feel warmth and light from it, but every once in a while I'd get too close and get burnt by it, then escape it quickly back into something that's much darker and much colder. So thank you Mr. Guy. Now that you're gone from my heart it is much simpler, much much easier to be happy.

Now I am just splitting up the coins I have a hold on in between a few different bags, so that if one gets stolen I don't lose them all. I don't focus on one guy for now, because I can, and because none of them has done something to deserve all of my coins quite yet.

Speaking of them guys, dear Mr. Perfect made my day. The smallest comment from him literally made me smile so big, and that smile lasted.... The whole day. I was walking in the hallway towards a couple of my friends and he was there. He gave me a good morning hug, and told me I smell nice (new perfume-review's on the way. You'll see it hauled down below in this very post). Then, another good guy friend of mine came and said "Hi perfection!" (We call each other perfection jokingly), and Mr. Perfect in his sweet honesty said "She really is perfect". I swear on the inside I was squeaking of joy. My endorphins and serotonins were rocket high. It was amazing. He is perfect and if he says that with all his honesty then it must means something. Not that I'm perfect, I don't think, but still.

Ever since that moment I was a much happier person. I was kinder, and I think it was notable, as many people just told me I'm glowing and many unexpected people approached me, while as in my previous gloom I'm guessing they would have ran the other way. Even Mr. Guy was more interested in my whereabouts than usual. It's amazing what an honest smile can do.

So yes, men (or rather boys) have an affect on my smiling habits, but it used to be much worse during the past few months. I was hysteric, I'm not gonna lie. Now I am happy because I'm back to my old self. I am a much better friend. I am less self centered, which I hated about myself. 

A part of it is that I started walking again. I felt like for the longest time, probably because of the weather, I have been avoiding walks home. But the weather has warmed up a few days this week, and I decided to use the sunshine for my good and walk a little. I swear that not only was it good for vitamin D, which is said to affect good mood, but the activity itself, and the fresh air. The time to think away from other people is also a great deal. 

Now I can honestly say that shopping a little doesn't hurt either. For exampleee:

1) Two necklaces from Forever Twenty One. I have been wearing many more silver jewelery the past few months and hence I've been buying a little more of them than needed. These two necklaces are both amazing in my opinion. One is a little tribal inspire. It reminds me of a spear. The center of it looks a little like mother of pearl, but it doesn't come across too well in the picture. The second one reminded me a lot of something I saw on Jenn from Clothes Encounters, or maybe of something she might wear. It has the combination of black and silver, which is like my favorite combination. It's really long which is a great quality as well, in my opinion, because this time of year I can wear with scarves and it will still be enough of a statement, and long enough to see, both of these are. I love the detailing on it. All the black marbles and the little pattern around them are gorgeous.

2) Media lipstick by MAC. I love it on Jenn from Clothes Encounters (yes you'll see her name appear many times, as I am in love with her style like nothing else). It is a very very dark wine color. It suits my skin tone perfectly, because it makes my skin look a little less green (I have an olive tint to my skin). It also makes my teeth look flipping white, and my skin have a little more color. It dresses up an outfit like nobody's business.

3) Last, but most definitely not least is Tresor perfume by Lancome in Midnight Rose. It has very deep woody elements to it. In the very first few minutes it smells strongly of peach, but after a while you can start smelling the deep rose and raspberry. The bottle is classy and absolutely beautiful with the purple gradient effect and the deep purple rose attached. Will write a more full review on it soon.

I have also bought a two bras at Aerie, but decided I just would rather leave them out.

Over all I am very pleased with all the things I bought. 

Hope you guys are all well. XOXO Roni J.

The Blackest Friday Yet? (70th Post!!)

Hello there! How you doin'?- Yup this is me affected by the much needed excessive watching of reruns of Friends yesterday. I need VACATION! WINTER BREAK COME SOON! So many exams! I just kinda wish tomorrow would really be the end of the world (I don't really want that, but the stress is making me cave).
I mean, I wonder how many people have actually given this whole theory much thought. With all the movies self titled by the event or speaking of its existence, and no one really can say what will happen. On one hand it's kind of insane to think of something that one thing's there one day, and the very next it's gone. It's weird to think of one person dying, but the entire world? Nuts. I'd rather think tomorrow's not going to be the blackest Friday of all. I'd rather think they just ran out of stone to write on, or that this day is a day of enlightenment. "The end of the world as we know it" might refer to ending all the murder and pain and ache. I hope that is it.
I'm sure you're all wondering what happened during the trip and the winter ball (actually I'm not sure that interests anybody on this earth at all). Mr. Guy is the most confusing guy I could have chosen to like.  Before the trip has even started I have gotten the most lovely information that he had been with another girl the night before, a girl of whom I've heard before.
During the trip he did and said tons of things that I think will forever remain a mystery (especially if the end is tomorrow). For example(s) he came up to me and said something nice I'm not really sure what it was, looked me in the eyes, and stroked my cheeks. Of course that made me melt like a chunk of butter being put into the microwave and run over by a truck, or he kept calling me queen bee. I'm not too sure why. And then one night he came up to me held my face in his hands, and looked me in the eyes (melted chunk of butter, anyone?), and then went on saying something along the lines of "I'm trying to show you some love, but I'm afraid you'll sting me" only much later did I think of making the connection between that and "queen bee", which both occurred on the same night.
I will try to insert a picture from my outfit in the winter ball, but nothing was really mine, so no outfit of the day it is. During that night one of the guys, a very sweet guy said something along the lines of "There's a giant elephant in the room, and someone needs to refer to it. Roni, your legs are endless!", which made me a little uncomfortable walking in heels, because I'm self conscious about my height anyways, but then another guy said "what are you talking about? That's really sexy", and I blushed a little, and a friend of mine said to the first guy "this so turns you on!", at which point I was absolutely RED, and he stuttered.... Hmmm.
Mr. Guy on the other hand made a similar comment, and another friend of mine said "she looks like a model". He then replied "she's better than a model. She's not only good looking, but she's also sweet like honey" continuing with the whole theme of me being "queen bee". Later on he said he loves me. He was, by then, much drunk from beer.
I hate being attracted to him. Not to speak about the possibility that he's taken by that girl, and completely unclear to me. Today in school he said, yet again, just before I was about to leave and thank God that he didn't say anything to me today wanting to stop this mad cycle, that he loves me. I asked him out of a scale of one to ten just how much, and he said "99". Just means how much these words mean nothing to him. When to me, as stupid and innocent as that might sound, they mean a whole lot more. These are three words that their combination scares the holy bejeebees out of me. He scares the bejeebees out of me. When he looked me in the eyes, he made me feel like I was about to pee my pants basically, and if these words mean so little to him, when speaking about him, then this thing is only friendship material.

I'm tired of being scared. I'm not scared of the end of the world as much as I am scared of one look from him. How does that make any sense?

Speaking of the blackest Friday yet. I have yet posted a Black Friday haul for you. So here it is:
From Urban Outfitters:
A gray speckled  wool backpack with forest green flaps made of velvet. I love backpack, if you haven't yet noticed it after my backpack post- Watch Your Back that I made in May. I love this one. Super nicely made and durable. Fits everything I need for school which is important.

A gray speckled maxi skirt that has colorful metallic thread weaving through it. It has a black mini skirt slip attached underneath, but the rest is fairly see through. It has two slits down the sides, and it is extremely winter appropriate.
Third and most exciting is the maxi dress. Beautiful black a little sheer maxi dress with cutouts in the back. GORGEOUS, sits perfectly, possibly the best thirty bucks I've ever spent on clothes. Love the stinking thing to pieces.

Moving on to Bath and Body Works, I made a candle purchase, but I bought the mini ones that were on a big sale, and I didn't want to have one scent burning on forever in my room especially since the holiday season is fairly short, and I have my Ikea vanilla candle burning as of now, and as of the past fourteen months or so (it's NEVER ending, but delicious).
1. I bought this mini candle holder that's beautiful. Nothing really special about it except for it being a sweet decorative way to light your candles.
2. Snowed in- description: Escape the frigid winter wind, wrap up in your toastiest blanket and warm up this inspiring blend of fresh juniper, sugared sap and sage for the perfect day in!
One of my two favorite candles I bought this time around. Smells like a winter wonderland, and like the mall right before the holidays when you walk past Bath and Body Works or Slatkin and Co. Love it. So nostalgic. A little perfume like, but in a good way. It's more florally than it is sweet, spicy, or fruity.
3. White Barn No. 1 Nutmeg and Spice- description: A toasty treat of spiced caramel sprinkled with nutmeg, this fragrance evokes delightful memories of relaxing weekend getaways in the country.
Smells liking baking and decorating Ginger Bread with friends. Nostalgia. Sweet, a little spicy, gorgeous. Also a favorite of mine.
4. Fireside- description: Fill your home with a cozy blend of cedarwood, leather and rich deep amber that warms you up like an evening by a crackling fire on a dark winter's night.
I love this to pieces, but I'm not sure everybody would love this. To me this smells like fire, leather, and men. I don't really know what about it, but there's something that rather reminds me of manly cologne.
 5. Cinnamon & Clove Buds- description: This warm and spicy blend of classic cinnamon, simmering clove buds and exquisite vanilla is sure to bring back happy memories of beloved holiday traditions!
Definitely not my favorite one because it reminds me a little of medicinated scents, because that's what clove and cinnamon do to me, but it still smells nice. My parents actually picked this one up so I don't mind it too bad.

This is all <3 Hope you have a lovely end of the world. Good thing Britney has a song about this.

Now Is The Start

Hello cutie patooties!
Guess what? I have started my senior year. SENIOR FREAKING YEAR! It's my 12th time starting school for the 12th year in a row. It feels weird. It feels different, as cliche as I thought that might be. This year is going to be remembered by me as the most fun I've ever had, and I will not let anybody or anything ruin this feeling for me. I am absolutely loving it. Being the oldest at school and teasing all the tiny little freshmen through juniors.

I am gonna have the time of my life this year. I'm not leaving this as anybody else's responsibility. I will make things happen, and in the best way possible.
Speaking of Now is the start, I cannot wait for two albums coming out in October. One is Tay Swift's Red (the one she has only recently released its first single called We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together , and Pines, which is A Fine Frenzy's new creation, which holds within it the beautiful cheerful song- Now Is The Start.
If you like these songs you should definitely check the albums as soon as they come out (Red- October 22nd and Pines- October 9th).

Speaking of new things!!! I just got a beautiful sweater from Pull and Bear that I love dearly, a tank top from H&M I love so much I named it Melissa (no reason), and an evil eye ring from a little shack at the mall.
The sweater is one of my favorite things ever. It's such a good layering piece for the fall/winter season, if you pop a button up underneath. It runs a bit big in sizes, because it's extra slouchy. I am usually size M and I took S, because it fit perfectly, and it doesn't make you look round or wider because of the stripes, and is quite figure flattering (hopefully when the weather cools down I will show it in an outfit of the day. It is not made out of wool, which makes it less warm. It is 50% cotton and 50% acrylic.
The tank top is the most amozing (yes, amOzing) shade of nude that fits my skin tone perfectly (olive-y), because of it's pinkish undertones. It is superdy duperdy figure flattering especially with a stretchy camisole underneath that tucks your belly in a little (we all have pouch days or kangaroo days).

The ring is just the piece of jewelery I've been waiting for a long long time. I am such a jewelery junky. I have far more cheap and expensive jewelery than I will ever need, but I still gravitate towards that sections in  every store more than any other department. The ring though, unlike many of the jewelery I've bought recently, is something I know I will be wearing for a long long time. It is such a beautiful unique piece I know most people won't have, and it is probably going to appear in my favorites in a few days.
Love you all, and take care :) XOXO Roni J.

The Haul Wide World

Hello there ladies and gentlemen, yet again I would like to ask all of you to forgive my awful attendance. Unfortunately it doesn't mean much anymore, sadly, so I will just promise to make no more promises about my attendance. Crap! I just did.
What more can I tell you about my life?
I have a question to ask you. Is it bad to wish someone out of your life? It's not that I hate these people (they have multiplied over the years. Seriously, before you get pregnant make sure that the combination of you and the other person with whom you get pregnant genetically won't make one of those people by mistake. Obviously, I wasn't all that serious when I said seriously). I actually care about these people a lot, but for some reason every time I let myself care about them it backfires. I'm just tired of the fights and the drama and of being, myself, quite an unpleasant person. I have a big part in all of those relationships and in them becoming unbearable, but while I mostly try to take the highroad and back away from any kind of dramatic explosion they just get drawn to the drama like flies to a lamp. I try to save both sides from getting burnt alive, but it's like they don't see the consequences of their actions.
Maybe it's also me that isn't really looking past my actions to the consequences of those actions. Maybe I'm just doing the most immature thing and blaming it on the others, as if I am not at all to blame. Maybe I'm a drama queen that loves it and therefore creates it time and time again, but I find it all hard to believe when I'm always the one to say: "hey, we should really not go on with this conversation. We just fight all the time and this needs to stop".
It's not that I wish they never existed or something, god forbid, or that they were never in my life. No, no, it's not that at all. I just wish that, at this exact point while we still have some sweet memories and they're not yet clouded up by those bitter fight, they move to Antarctica, because they parents got a job there or whatever, and disappeared. Is that awful? To wish them as far away from me as possible? If so, if you think this is awful and I'm a bad person, please tell me in the comments below how you would react to endless fights with people you still care about somewhat. I would seriously love to know, since i am way past being out of ideas.
Now for the long anticipated (or not long anticipated at all) haul!
These glasses, the loves of my life, these were purchased in a local store (comment below for information). I love love love these glasses, because, and I have a confession here, I have a big nose. Well, not big, but I don't really love it. Therefore I love patterned sunglasses. They take the attention away from my nose. Plus, these remind me of a pair I saw on H&M online, but could NOT find it anywhere in stores which is not even on the website anymore. Ugh.
The Aztec-y inspired bird necklace is from Forever 21. I think I saw it on Estee from Essiebutton on YouTube and got inspired to buy it. I love the Aztec-y items like nothing else hence the pair of colorful pants I'm wearing in the next photo. It's silver, which I wasn't really all into until I saw the silver jewelry that Clothesencounters' Jenn was wearing and fell in love.
The next shirt, like every shirt I've bought this summer, is a sleeveless button up shirt. It is made of the softest denim ever, and I bought it from a local designer (so is the next necklace I got), so for more information contact me through the comments down below.
Last but most definitely not least is this pastel colored necklace I got. The squares are different sizes and one of them ( the light blue one) has the cutest bow on it. I love it.
Tell me what you think about the topic of the day and about the items purchased! XOXO Roni J.

Here's a song I love. Hope you enjoy it!

Back On Track

Or at the very least I hope so; at least for the time being. I just had a chemistry AP. Don't judge me, please. It went fairly alright. Not the best test I've had, but I got the results for my math AP, and I got 95, so that cheered me up :D. Oh the small things that make me happy. Like the humongous moon that appeared two days ago.
If you don't yet know this, or if I haven't blabbered about this subject enough in the past, my favorite thing, or rather things, about nature are the stars, the moon and the sun. I especially love the clear night skies. I don't have any idea why, but it calms me down. I will not force my belief upon anybody, but the truth is that it makes me feel like no matter what anybody says, there's something much bigger than us that's moving us and that directs us. Whether you're an astrologist, astronomer, christian, muslim, bahai, jew, whatever you choose to be, I'm really not about to name all the religions this world has to offer because there are more beliefs than people, I've found, the universe holds some crazy secrets that whomever or whatever is responsible for their creation is greatly admired by me. I mean some people think that it makes you see how small you really are, which is frightening, but to me it doesn't as though I'm so small, as much as it feels like there are literally worlds more to discover.
Some people are afraid of all the ways the universe can harm us. Us people, we harm ourselves more than the universe harms us, quite frankly. To be honest, I'd rather be killed by an asteroid than to be killed by a human, which seems to be rather likely these days.
Anyways this is just pointless blabber. The real thing I was going to talk about is my tiny disappointment. There was a race in town today and my dad and I were supposed to go, but he had a meeting scheduled last minute and therefore we didn't go. I really wish to be back on track with my physical activity, as well, but everything I try kind of fails miserably. I'll find something to do next school year I guess.
So here's the haul I've been promising for absolutely ages. Sorry for that.

 This first top is from a local boutique. Yes, again, I'm so sorry. It's a paisley print made out of really nice and flowy from a silk-like material. It has a zipper detailing on the pocket, which is simply what sold it for me. Easy to sell me stuff you're thinking? You're pretty darn right. A day beforehand I told myself there's no way I'll be seen wearing something paisley. Liar liar pants on fire, you'd be seen in almost any piece of clothing if given the chance. 

The next piece is a bikini top that I bought, yet again in a local store. I love it because of the tribal-like pattern and the bright colors without being neon pink all over which is really not my style if you ever wondered. Obviously as mentioned above, if I see something neon pink that I like, I will wear it, because I buy more than I talk. I'm kidding. I really don't.
The next two tops are both sleeveless button downs, as I've said I love in my favorites. Both are sheer, on the peachier tone of things, both from H&M and both are loved by me very much. The first one is a silky material on front with a cute floral print that's back is a chiffon sheer fabric.
The other one is just a sheer over all high-low shirt that I would love to wear to the beach with a bikini top underneath or with a cool bandeau underneath, or even a nice tank top that suits it. I was hoping to also get H&M's tribal printed sunglasses but they didn't have them in store which killed it for me and I still want to find them.
Anyways darlings, I hope we all have a good rest of the week and weekend, and that we go through the exams like we were butterflies in a field of flowers. Leave comments down below for suggestions, questions, or random things you want to say! XOXO Roni J.

  I have no idea why, but I got addicted to this song today, so I hope you enjoy it. It has no symbolic meaning for the text above like I usually do.

New Beginnings

Hello girls.
I know how it's not really the beginning of spring anymore, nor is it new year's for any religion that I know of, but I am going back to school in about two days, and I need something fresh to hold me through the exams and the stress. I cleaned things out with my guy friend G. with whom I had a fight yesterday. To be quite honest I was surprised that he was the first one to approach the other and ask to forget things, but he was for forgetting and not getting into it, which I guess is okay for getting to be exactly the way things were before, but it doesn't really solve any problem we had between us, which is exactly what I wanted to realize during the fight. He's just covering everything up so that on the surface it looks alright, but does it actually make things better? I think not. I'm just glad we're not falling apart, to be frank, because he IS really important to me, but I don't like leaving things undone.
Another thing I need a fresh start with is GUYS. I know we probably went about this thirty seven time, or at least the amount of blog posts I've posted up until now, but today I realized that I am still in love with a guy I fell in love with over 4 years ago, and that is plain ridicules. He was an amazing guy and I have no regrets for falling for him or anything, if anything, he's probably the best guy I have ever had feelings for, or at least was the best guy at the time. He lives very far away, in my old town, nothing happened between us, and in October I went there for the first time in two years. I knew this from the start that it will hurt, and I think a part of me wanted to go, because he is my first love, and I wanted to feel that pain again. The thing with me is that I never fully get over a guy. I fall in love with others. I don't think about him as much, but once in a while I get caught up with the memories of him. It's a good thing that I don't see him as much anymore, and that I will probably never see him again, because seeing him really hurt me and raised questions that I don't know how to answer. On the other hand, as I've said already, I hate leaving things undone, unfixed, unsolved. I need that closure, and I will never get it because there was never really something there.

This memory of him keeps running through my mind today and I really need to let it out somehow, because otherwise it might drive me insane, and the thing is that I really don't feel comfortable bothering my friends with telling them this, because I don't think they would understand, and I really don't want them to know, how much of a hopeless romantic I am. On the outside, in order to not get hurt I just build myself up to look bulletproof. The truth is that I've just been punctured pretty thoroughly with so many bullets that there's really not much more to hit and there for the bullets keep missing, if that makes any sense.
The memory I have of that boy, A., is us waiting out by the school to get picked up. Now, this was a private school so the entire grade knows each other, it's not massive. There was a little square where the parking lot is where there's a flagpole, benches, grass and stuff. I remember it being a really cold day, and it was us and a few more people waiting. I am not much of an expressive lover, again probably because of my defenses, so I wasn't much of a boy-hugger at the time, just like today I'm not much of a kisser, it just makes me feel a little awkward, and it was a really big deal for me at the time. I remember that although it was cold, I was wearing something pretty short. I remember it probably being on of the two happiest days of my life in the romance department, and you can see how dull and stupid they are. The simple feeling of being hugged from behind by this boy I think I'm in love with. I was so young I don't even know if I could have perceived how much I felt for him for being so far away from getting him. The two things I remember him saying during that whole situation is something along the lines of "you project warmth" and something along the lines of "my mother might see this and think the wrong things". How the flipping duck did this make me happy, how messed up and blind does a girl have to be to no even think of the words he's saying that are either as deep as the little pee ponds they have for toddlers as a pool, or completely and utterly insulting. I say a lot. Either it was plain stupidity or real love, but me being all full of ego, I'd rather think that I'm an intellectual.
I just need desperately to be rid of my feelings for him, because if it's the casual status update of his Facebook, the fact that his current girlfriend is one of my best friends, or the sincere fact that when I was there he didn't even bother with saying hello to me, or hugging me goodbye, because I will probably never see him again, for that matter, which stung like my lungs were punctured, it just all hurts far too much. There is an endless number of possibilities that are so near, and much more attainable, so why keep dishing on the past?
Onto the more fashion-beauty related part of the post. I recently got a gift from my mom for spring to be able to pick whatever I want at the drugstore for a certain amount of money, and I wanted to haul it.



The two items are by the same brand called Jadé from France I'm almost certain, which is rather inexpensive and really great quality, and therefore I am kind of surprised that it's not covered anywhere, and that I haven't heard of it from another beauty blogger or Youtuber, ever. These are not the first items I've purchased from this brand, and thus far I really love all their products, so check it out if you will. The first item is a lipstick shade in Marigold or 457 which is a beautiful bright coral-ly color for spring. It's kind of similar to my So Chaud lipstick from MAC, but it is more pink toned than the true tangerine color of So Chaud, and I absolutely love it.  The packaging is pretty dandy and expensive looking.

The second thing I got is a nail polish by them. It's shade's name is Award Blue and its number is 393, and it is just the most beautiful shade of electric cobalt blue with really fine shimmer on it. I love nail polishes like that for the summer because even if they're not the brightest or most summery shades I love it when they glitter in the sun. It's just so beautiful. These are the pictures of it in the bottle, and swatched on my nails. I couldn't find ANY information about the brand online, which seems extremely odd to me so I'll do some more research for you, and come back with options of where you can buy it in popular drugstores, and maybe where you can hear some more about it. Love you Fashionistas! Goodnight, XOXO, Roni J.