Once upon a time, in a not so far away kingdom, there was an average princess. The princess wasn’t especially known for her beauty, nor was she known for her singing abilities, she didn’t have astounding long hair; her skin wasn't like snow and her lips not like cherries; her features weren’t necessarily astonishing; she wasn’t blonde either, or had bright eyes, or an extremely big rack; she was unexpectedly just average.
After a long time being suppressed for her regular looks, and being looked down upon by other evil princesses, the princess made an escape to the big, huge actually, tower that amounted right out of the kingdom, but not before she got her servants to builda tall, humongous wall surrounding the tower in order to protect it.
A prince that was intrigued bythe wall that was so marvelously built, and was sure it was made for the mostspecial princess of all decided to see what’s on the other side. He decided on climbing that wall so that he could reach the abnormal princess, but once he encountered the actual princess, he was so horrified when he noticed she was average, because off his shallow, dark heart that he ran out screaming, making a hole in the big wall that the princess worked so hard to maintain.
Once the princess heard his body poke a hole through her sacred wall, she was broken. Although the prince was obviously an ass (this is a fairytale for rather a mature audience), and that was all she basically knew about him, the princess cried in her tower for weeks.
That was until one day the princess decided that if the evil prince could go through the wall so easily then this wall is certainly not enough to keep the hurt away from her. Th eaverage princess decided to surround the wall with booths full of guards that look exactly like her, but also bark, so that if any prince comes around he’ll run away screaming even before he reaches her. That way, she thought, the handsome, genuinely immodest, superficial princes wouldn’t hurt her.
She asked for a well-known wizard, also known as the Mind, to make guards that look like her. The Mind made those guards her clones so that they would look perfectly alike, but he added some teeth to the mix to make them a little less average and more out of rage.
For years, these walls were efficient in keeping the princess safe and sound, but soon the princess started feeling very lonely. When she tried to tell the guards off she simply couldn’t, because she saw the pain in the guards’ eyes, the pain she knew all too well what they had to experience in order to protect her from hearing those same insults.
The princess has grown a lot since running into the tour, and was already becoming the beautiful swan she had always dreamed of being, but by the time she was ready to flourish, her clones were so hurt by past princes that ran away screaming that they also kept those who really were interested in the princess away from her, and yet, she could not let the clones go. It was like looking in a mirror filled with pain.
The princess is I. No, there was no evil prince. No, there was no wizard. Nor were there clones, or a wall or even a princess for that matter. The princess though, is everything I’ve ever been.
Just like the princess I got hurt by people judging and only giving thought to what I didn’t have and couldn’t change. They only saw my faults. Just like the princess I’ve isolated myself for a while so that I could grow back a healthy young woman, without being worried that my heart will be stumped upon along the way. Just like that wall, people have made holes in my wall. People whom, as much as I wanted to keepout, I couldn’t help but being intrigued by them. Yes, just like that evil prince they’ve hurt me.
So I decided to channel myself away, shut myself out, and let my Mind make the rational decisions rather thanmy heart. Then it got really lonely inside this shell, and it really is hard tobreak out of it.
This year I’m setting it as agoal for myself to let those guards go. They’ve done an incredible job while Ineeded them, but now that it’s gotten a little too lonely here, and I am much stronger, and have much more faith in myself, and after I’ve finally decided I’m ready to face the music, even if loud and obnoxious, they’re no longer needed, and actually doing more harm than good.
Besides all the things that I’ve put as small goals for this upcoming senior year, this is another resolution,because the change comes from within. No one will get closer to me if I attack them every time they try. So I need to let my guards down, and set myself free.
Just like a bird first flying outof it’s nest, I might not be able to spread my wings at first, it might causeme some harm, but there are good people around me and my faith to make sure I’m healed and to make sure I keep going.
I’m not sure how well you know this about me, but I am as strong willed as a person can be. If I set myself some goals, I will hit them otherwise I will hit myself.
It’s time for all of us to putthe hurt behind, and forgive all of the people who’ve hurt us ever in the past,because only once we do that can we free ourselves from our insecurities that we’ve been collecting obsessively over a very long time, and have been the reason for us being so insecure.
This was just a post to get things off my chest. Be back with a fashion related post soon, XOXO Roni J.