Me Augusta!!

Hello there, my lovely readers.
I'm guessing the most of you are back at school right now, and I want you to know how jealous I am of you. I hope I will have time to post a few outfit ideas for you this week, but seeing as I am moving out of the house next week, I have quite a lot on my mind.
So today, rather than being infinitely late with my August favorites like I was last month, I decided to do it today. But first, I have a few updates.
The whole thing with Frenchie really freaked me out the first day after, which is when I wrote the last post. That's the reason I sounded way more terrified, and way more horrified by what had happened the day before. In reality, it wasn't that bad, but I was just really really embarrassed by everybody knowing, and really afraid I was no good, and really scared for some reason. I became vulnerable, which is something I am not used to, to say the least. That day, though, he asked me if I want to do something again, to which I declined, because I was really freaked out, but at least it calmed that little part of me that was worried that I was absolutely horrible, and that nibbled on my self esteem, unrightously so.
A day later he offered that I come over to Baron's garage, where they are staying right now, and I said yes. What? This prude? Agreed to come over to be one on one with a French hottie in a garage where they have a bed? Oh wow. What a progress that we've made.
When I came over, I was uncomfortable, yet again, and I kind of stayed as far as possible from him without being too insulting to his manliness, but I'm pretty sure he could sense that I was a bit astranged. I suggested that we watch a movie, so that I could avoid the makeout session as much as possible, to delay it. We watched Iron Man, because I haven't watched it, and the idea of watching a romantic comedy instead was just an unbearably agonizing thought. In all honesty, me being a big fan of super hero movies, and especially Marvel's, I didn't love the movie, which is weird, 'cause it's said to be one of the better ones. Whatever. That's not the point. During the movie dear Frenchie came to sit closer and closer, and then pulled the arm around my shoulder trick. I didn't look at him even once from the fear that something might actually happen. But the movie ended. I got up, and said that I should probably leave soon, because I have work the next day, but then he kissed me. Escape plan fail.
And then we stand there, kissing, for a minute or so. It's just much better, and less stressful, obviously, than the first time. He then suggests that we go up to the bed, and don't judge me here, but I said yes, because I know my limits, and I know that if he tries anything I will not mind kicking him in the baby maker. So we went up to the bed, and kissed a little more, nothing more than that. We also talked a little. I found it hilarious when he tried complimenting me saying that I was a good kisser, and me, being the cynicist I am, I laughed it off, and he said "no really, I swear". And then he went on and added "so please don't go for easy guys", and then I looked at him with the 'Oh 'cause you were so hard to get' look, and then he chuckles, and says "ok, fine, I'm sorry". But seriously, what the heck are you saying that for? You're leaving, what is now tomorrow. Why do you think you have an impact on how I live my life further. It was just a really dumb comment.
Never mind that though, I had a good time with him. It wasn't the perfect date, and I am surely not as attracted to him, as I have been to other guys in the past, but it was very sweet. After a while of talking we just fell asleep, and then Baron came to pick me up, and take me home. The awful thing about it, is that Baron didn't show up alone *MAY HE BE DAMNED* *AMEN*, he has to being all of the guys to his garage so that they could hang out later..... ARE YOU FCKN OUT OF YOUR MIND>!!? They were so amuzed by the sight of me leaving the garage. I didn't mind much and I said "hi" to all of them. I'm prideful, and I don't intend on having a bunch of kids interrupt my self growth.
The very next day they went to a club, all the boys I mean, including Frenchie. I didn't expect him to keep his abstinence at all. I know he was passing through, and I am just another expirience of the country that he got to have. And I was ok with it. That's why I didn't have any problem when the guys tagged a photo of him on Facebook saying "Frenchie's gonna get laidddd". I really didn't. He hasn't spoken to me since the night before, and I was like, yea that's what it was.
The day after that, though, I went to a bar for a girls' night out with two of my friends. My friend introduced me to this ok looking guy, I mean he's attractive, but not my thing at all, and she kind of pushed me to dance with him, which I did, because dancing is harmless. He tried to kiss me a few times, but I rejected him, not because I felt obliged to, or obligated to Frenchie or some other messed up idea, but because I didn't want him enough. I kept dancing with him, and my stupid friend snapped a picture of us dancing, nothing too racy, because I am classy as shit, and sent it to the girls. The girls who were out with the boys, the boys who took the girls' phones and saw the picture, the picture of me with a boy, a boy who's not Frenchie, Frenchie who's their friend.
They see it and start texting me, I'm not sure if they were serious about any of it. "How dare you do this to him?! He saved himself for you last night. He deserves better"... Seriously? Firstly, you're my friends before you were his, secondly, I wasn't with anybody, not because of him, but just 'cause, thirdly, I didn't expect him to keep abstinent, because, come on we all knew it was more than temporary. It's just a few days' summer romance little thing. Why then, in heaven's sake, would anybody, him or any other guy on the planet, expect me to stay away from others for him.
He hasn't talked to me since then, but every day the guys would ask me if I want to see him again, and I would like to think that it's not because he thought I was some whore, I hope he remembered that I was so painfully shy, and knows that that isn't something that dies out so quickly. And if he doesn't it's a shame. Because I am pretty damn amazing, and for him to judge me based upon something that's not even true, then it was nice meeting you, but I am soooo glad you're gone.
And now he's really gone. And I feel kind of blah. Not necessarily because he left, I mean, not because he's the one who left, but because I feel like no one else is waiting in line to replace him. It's just that it was a bit of excitement. Something new that was going on. And now it's gone with him. To France.
Another thing that's been going on is all of my friends going to different colleges. I am going off to college September first, but that will be talked about in a few moments. The thing is most left before me. Some surprised me incredibly with how much they text me, and how much they want to be involved and know about everything that's been going on with Frenchie, and all other stuff, while as others just disappear and disapoint.
Tiny has gone off about a week and a half ago. She and I got so close this past year. She IS my best friend along with another girl. The fact is that she was the first person I wanted to know about the whole Frenchie debacle (wasn't a debacle really, but whatever). But she wasn't here, and she didn't have time to text or answer her phone, and when she came back home for the weekend, and she said we have to meet up, which I agreed to. We made plans twice and each time I had to call her in to hear that she has to cancel, instead of have her call me and say that.
So I wrote her this big letter, saying I know how hard it is, but she made time for other people that take her for granted many times, and I find that she hasn't found time for someone like me. I just think honesty, while being quite nice about it, is the best policy, because I don't want to resent her.
She called me up the next day, and started explaining herself, not really hitting the points I was trying to make, and super justifying, instead of listening to me she just tried to show that she has it really bad, and at hearing that, obviously, I couldn't fight her. I just heard her cry and I tried to get her to stop, and see the bright side in being there, and I just cried with her. She is my best friend and I hate hearing her hurt, even if I am hurt or angry or upset, I would prefer her happiness over my own.
So there's that, and there's also the stress of moving out. On Sunday. I'm driving out there with my dad tomorrow to move the basic stuff like a blanket, and pillows, and other stuff like that, but I am about to cry my eyes out. I am so so stressed out, and don't want to leave home, and my friends who are staying here. I just don't feel like leaving my dad on his own, or living in a room that's not mine with three other girls or so. I am such a privacy seeker, and I don't even know what these girls are going to be like, or who they are at all. The college registration tries to place different girls in the room together in order to create friendships between unexpected people, so they save it for last minute for you to find out who you're rooming with.
So this is what's been going on.

Now to my favorites, which is probably something that you all are a little bit more interested in:
Unfortunately, I don't really have any beauty/fashion favorites. I haven't bought anything new, and I kind of stocked up on the same things I've been using for a while. I did buy a lot of clothes, but I will try to incorporate them in the back to school outfits.

*Movie*- Perks Of Being A Wallflower. The movie is seriously such a good movie. It's a little bit of comedy, but a lot of drama. Deals with a lot of things that us little teenager bubbleheads deal with like relationships, love, friendships, loneliness. I think it was done absolutely beautifully, the scenery, the picture quality, the outfits, the music, it's all amazing. And I am a big fan of Emma Watson and Logan Lerman, so I absolutely loved it, and I highly, highly recommend watching it. I will soon go the book as well, as soon as I kind of forget the story line, which, by the amount of time it's been taking me to read books, and good books at that, will go by faster than expected.

*Song*- It's an unexpected twist to my everyday mellow playlist- John Newman's Love Me Again. The song is catchy, deep, intense, but also upbeat. It has, both in music, and in the music video, a bit of a retro vibe that might be a little reminiscent to the disco era, disco music, and 70's and 80's clothes. I love it. I think that the fact that the lyrics are so... Intense and different, a person admitting to a mistake for treating someone he loved like a piece of sheep meat, is the reason I love this song. Watch the video to the very end. I found the end hilarious. I laughed so hard.

Another more mellow, and more fitted song that I have listened to a lot this month is Turn The Page by Matt Hires, which I have posted two posts ago. As opposed to Love Me Again, this song was relating to me on a more personal note. All the things that are ending, and I'm sad to see them end, although they bring new beginnings with them make this song this month's official anthem for me.

*T.V. Show*- Heroes. By far the best show I've seen in a while, and I'm only halfway into the first season. It is a great drama filled, thrilling show. I have not been this excited to watch another episode with any other Show in a long long time.

Thanks a lot for reading, my love bugs.
XOXO Roni J.

A Tongue Twister

It had all started a few days ago, when... Well, just read about it in the last post.
I promised I would go out with the entire group that consisted of Baron, Ginger, Blondie, Frenchie, and a few more people, when I didn't go out the night before, because I was exhausted, and they kind of came for me.
At first I went to a friend's house to watch a movie. We shall call her Mayo. Mayo is one of my best friends, if not my best, and I spend a whole lot of time at her house because I obviously like her, but I also love her mom and her older brother. Quite frankly I have a small little tiny miniature crush on her older brother. He's such a nice guy. The funniest. Cough.  I love him... Cough. And I can't remember the name of the movie but it was a futuristic movie from the 90's with Tom Cruz in it. It was so strange but it was quite good quality for a movie from the 90's. I think most of it was really this good because I was with them, and they're my favorites, but.. Yeah...
And then we were already late to meet everybody up where we had initially planned to hang out in, so they came over to a park by Mayo's house.
At first I was... SUPER nervous. I barely managed to talk to him. Mostly I just kind of did what I do best when I'm nervous, looked right through him. But my friends wouldn't give up. Oh no. They had to make sure that me and Frenchie get our alone time. They kind of go off to the side, and then Frenchie asks me if I would want to go on a walk with him. I agree, and I ask Baron to watch my purse, because I know that if I bring my cell phone, heaven knows that I will never leave the damn thing, and just ignore Frenchie, which I don't want to be doing.
We leave and go around the block once and talk, and I slowly warm up, and act more like myself, and less like the cold dead body that I have been around him the past times. We go once more around the block, and we're already really talking, and stuff, and then we start the third round after walking for about an hour.
Then he grabs my hand and comes to a stop, pulling me close to him, and trying to kiss me. We already touched lips, but I was so nervous, and my heart was pounding so hard, I thought it might turn into pudding, so I pushed him away. I then set down on a stone wall that was right behind me, and I just tried to calm down.
He was really sweet, saying things like "I know how nervous you are, and I know it's your first time, so, if you don't want anything to happen, I respect that", and like "you should have seen me my first time. I was horrible". He then sat down next to me on the wall and took my hand in his hand and played with it in his fingers. And then he shifted my hair to my other shoulder, and started kissing my neck. Not nervous. Not nervous at all.
And then it happen. We both tilted our heads and touched lips, and he quickly moved on with his tongue, and it was just plain... Odd. I don't know why I sort of expected it to feel all sorts of beautiful and nice to have someone stick their tongue into your mouth. Quite frankly it feels exactly like you would think having a second tongue going in the opposite direction in your mouth would feel. I barely knew what to do with myself... I kind of just moved a long as much as I could without biting or chewing any pieces of Frenchie out by mistake. Sounds exactly as romantic as it was. Not at all.
When we break (not saying that I was disgusted by everything that was going on in there, but definitely suggesting and implying that), and start talking a little more, I realize that all of my friends basically saw it from afar. As if I was not embarrassed enough about the whole situation. And those great friends decide to stop their cars right in front of us, and give a little nod, wink, or whatever. I'm just staring down at my hands wanting to disappear. And my friends keep driving off.
We keep talking for a little. Every once in a while, he kisses my neck again. He keeps playing with my hands the entire time. And we kissed a few more time... Which were anything that I would imagine was just not a good kiss material. He didn't have the best breath, there was so much tongue, I didn't know what to do with my hands, and it was plain uncomfortable. And some times he hugs me, which just feels clingy and uncomfortable, and says all sorts of things like "you're special", which I'm thinking like "yea right", and like "you're good at this", to which I literally just said "yea right" to his face.
Then I realize my phone, my keys, and my money are with my friends at the car so I have no way to communicate to the  planet just how much I want to be home and sleep tight before we go off to work, and it already feels like 3am, which turns out to be right when I get my phone back later. I am just stuck there with him hugging me uncomfortably, and wanting to sleep so bad.
When my friends get back they all look at me weird, and I just want to hide myself, but instead. Oh yea, fuck my life, instead of burying myself down in the soil, he chooses to kiss me goodbye, which is terribly sweet, but seeing that it's in front of everybody, I just feel like running away. The thing that makes it even more awkward is the fact that all those friends that were there almost are all the biggest blabber mouths on the surface of this planet.
Hence, the next morning, this morning, when we go say goodbye to my friend who's leaving for college, everyone and their mother already know. Lucky me. You just saved me time telling everybody on earth.
Poor guy, it's really not his fault that I'm not big into the touchy, feel-y, sweet kind of thing, and that I especially can't do them around people. I feel mean talking about him like that, because maybe he was just great, but I didn't it right or something, but I think it was just mutual.
And then the entire day I had this huge knot in my stomach of shame, and stress, and heart beats, and tiresome, so I had a nauseous feeling the entire day.
In order to get rid of that feeling I convinced myself that, at least now, that he has climbed Olympus, which was an impossible task, why would he try again. Meaning, he has managed to succeed in the challenge that is being with me, then why would he ever bother again to try and challenge himself to it.
But the feeling came back when he friended me on Facebook, and started talking to me. He invited me to watch a movie alone with him in Baron's garage tonight, but I tried my best to reject the offer at least for today, because I was tired and stressed out and nauseous. So I tried as hard  as I might to be kind and tell him we'll do it some other time before he leaves on the 28th.
I can't believe I am no longer a lip virgin. I feel like a huge page was turned, and a huge part of me was taken.
At least he was kind, and understanding, and good looking, and French, meaning it's a good story to tell the kids. I just don't want to hurt him by saying no, but I don't want to die from all the stress, either.

Not stressed at all. Who am I kidding? Scared out of my mind XOXO Roni J.

"And the darkness holds little rest for weary bones. Now turn the page, the chapter's ending."