Tuesday, August 20, 2013

A Tongue Twister

It had all started a few days ago, when... Well, just read about it in the last post.
I promised I would go out with the entire group that consisted of Baron, Ginger, Blondie, Frenchie, and a few more people, when I didn't go out the night before, because I was exhausted, and they kind of came for me.
At first I went to a friend's house to watch a movie. We shall call her Mayo. Mayo is one of my best friends, if not my best, and I spend a whole lot of time at her house because I obviously like her, but I also love her mom and her older brother. Quite frankly I have a small little tiny miniature crush on her older brother. He's such a nice guy. The funniest. Cough.  I love him... Cough. And I can't remember the name of the movie but it was a futuristic movie from the 90's with Tom Cruz in it. It was so strange but it was quite good quality for a movie from the 90's. I think most of it was really this good because I was with them, and they're my favorites, but.. Yeah...
And then we were already late to meet everybody up where we had initially planned to hang out in, so they came over to a park by Mayo's house.
At first I was... SUPER nervous. I barely managed to talk to him. Mostly I just kind of did what I do best when I'm nervous, looked right through him. But my friends wouldn't give up. Oh no. They had to make sure that me and Frenchie get our alone time. They kind of go off to the side, and then Frenchie asks me if I would want to go on a walk with him. I agree, and I ask Baron to watch my purse, because I know that if I bring my cell phone, heaven knows that I will never leave the damn thing, and just ignore Frenchie, which I don't want to be doing.
We leave and go around the block once and talk, and I slowly warm up, and act more like myself, and less like the cold dead body that I have been around him the past times. We go once more around the block, and we're already really talking, and stuff, and then we start the third round after walking for about an hour.
Then he grabs my hand and comes to a stop, pulling me close to him, and trying to kiss me. We already touched lips, but I was so nervous, and my heart was pounding so hard, I thought it might turn into pudding, so I pushed him away. I then set down on a stone wall that was right behind me, and I just tried to calm down.
He was really sweet, saying things like "I know how nervous you are, and I know it's your first time, so, if you don't want anything to happen, I respect that", and like "you should have seen me my first time. I was horrible". He then sat down next to me on the wall and took my hand in his hand and played with it in his fingers. And then he shifted my hair to my other shoulder, and started kissing my neck. Not nervous. Not nervous at all.
And then it happen. We both tilted our heads and touched lips, and he quickly moved on with his tongue, and it was just plain... Odd. I don't know why I sort of expected it to feel all sorts of beautiful and nice to have someone stick their tongue into your mouth. Quite frankly it feels exactly like you would think having a second tongue going in the opposite direction in your mouth would feel. I barely knew what to do with myself... I kind of just moved a long as much as I could without biting or chewing any pieces of Frenchie out by mistake. Sounds exactly as romantic as it was. Not at all.
When we break (not saying that I was disgusted by everything that was going on in there, but definitely suggesting and implying that), and start talking a little more, I realize that all of my friends basically saw it from afar. As if I was not embarrassed enough about the whole situation. And those great friends decide to stop their cars right in front of us, and give a little nod, wink, or whatever. I'm just staring down at my hands wanting to disappear. And my friends keep driving off.
We keep talking for a little. Every once in a while, he kisses my neck again. He keeps playing with my hands the entire time. And we kissed a few more time... Which were anything that I would imagine was just not a good kiss material. He didn't have the best breath, there was so much tongue, I didn't know what to do with my hands, and it was plain uncomfortable. And some times he hugs me, which just feels clingy and uncomfortable, and says all sorts of things like "you're special", which I'm thinking like "yea right", and like "you're good at this", to which I literally just said "yea right" to his face.
Then I realize my phone, my keys, and my money are with my friends at the car so I have no way to communicate to the  planet just how much I want to be home and sleep tight before we go off to work, and it already feels like 3am, which turns out to be right when I get my phone back later. I am just stuck there with him hugging me uncomfortably, and wanting to sleep so bad.
When my friends get back they all look at me weird, and I just want to hide myself, but instead. Oh yea, fuck my life, instead of burying myself down in the soil, he chooses to kiss me goodbye, which is terribly sweet, but seeing that it's in front of everybody, I just feel like running away. The thing that makes it even more awkward is the fact that all those friends that were there almost are all the biggest blabber mouths on the surface of this planet.
Hence, the next morning, this morning, when we go say goodbye to my friend who's leaving for college, everyone and their mother already know. Lucky me. You just saved me time telling everybody on earth.
Poor guy, it's really not his fault that I'm not big into the touchy, feel-y, sweet kind of thing, and that I especially can't do them around people. I feel mean talking about him like that, because maybe he was just great, but I didn't it right or something, but I think it was just mutual.
And then the entire day I had this huge knot in my stomach of shame, and stress, and heart beats, and tiresome, so I had a nauseous feeling the entire day.
In order to get rid of that feeling I convinced myself that, at least now, that he has climbed Olympus, which was an impossible task, why would he try again. Meaning, he has managed to succeed in the challenge that is being with me, then why would he ever bother again to try and challenge himself to it.
But the feeling came back when he friended me on Facebook, and started talking to me. He invited me to watch a movie alone with him in Baron's garage tonight, but I tried my best to reject the offer at least for today, because I was tired and stressed out and nauseous. So I tried as hard  as I might to be kind and tell him we'll do it some other time before he leaves on the 28th.
I can't believe I am no longer a lip virgin. I feel like a huge page was turned, and a huge part of me was taken.
At least he was kind, and understanding, and good looking, and French, meaning it's a good story to tell the kids. I just don't want to hurt him by saying no, but I don't want to die from all the stress, either.
Not stressed at all. Who am I kidding? Scared out of my mind XOXO Roni J.

"And the darkness holds little rest for weary bones. Now turn the page, the chapter's ending."

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