Life Is Not ALWAYS Black And White (Trend Alert #4)

Life isn't always black and white. There are shades of gray, 50 to be exact. No, I'm just kidding, but it takes a lot of time to separate and notice those shades of gray. We kind of love that definite answer; black and white, "yes" and "no", up and down, when in reality you can be up, but hanging upside down. Does that mean you're up or down?
The past two days I was depressed. I was angry because I wasn't getting a definite answer from the universe. What I didn't realize was that "yes" and "no" are beautiful wonderful answers, but they can't answer "why?", and they never will be able to. Instead of asking "is it...?", and "does he....?", I kept asking questions like "Why do I..?" "Why does he not..?". Truth is that if I had wanted to get a definite answer, I wouldn't have asked those confusing question. I would have found better questions, definite questions that can be answered with either a "yes" or a "no".
I just didn't want a definite answer. I wanted a "maybe", an "I don't know", and the forever loved "it might take some time". I wasn't honest with myself, because I wanted the dishonest answer. I wanted to think there's a chance we'll ever end up together. I wanted to think I'm his only one. I wanted to think he is  different to what he is in reality. But things don't work out that way.
I realized I need to change the way I think about it. It has dawned on me that I have.. Real strong feelings for him. I refused to say that I am in love with him, because that's weakness in my eyes. But then a good good childhood friend of mine came to me with an honest answer. She said a definite answer to an indefinite question, because she knew it would hurt more to keep being delusional, than to actually know the answer. She told me I will keep feeling stuff for him until the end of the year, when we will both part ways practically forever. I will go to one college and he will go to another, and... That's how it's going to be.
And then it dawned upon me. On one hand, I want him out of my life so that I can move on, but on the other hand I almost tear up at the thought of us parting ways forever, and I would rather watch him make out with thirty more girls than to never have him in my life again, even if it means I'll never actually have a hold on him. They say you know you love a person when you can't imagine your life without them... Well, I can, I really can, but every body part of mine doesn't want to accept it.
So life is both black and white, I want him as far away from me as possible so that I can forget him, but I also want him as close to me as possible, so that I will never have to say goodbye. It's not really that life is gray, it's just that the black and white live together like a checkered board.
"Does he love me?", "yes, he does". "Does he love others?", "yes, very much". "Does he care for me?", "yes, yes he does". "Does he care for others?" "yes, he does, with all his heart". "Will he ever want to hurt me?", "oh God no". "Did he ever?", "hell yea".
So I think I better define this indefinite story. I love him. I probably will always have some kind of feeling for him. I don't ever want to tell him, but I hope that I will someday, because it's weighing down my chest when I walk past him, and when he looks me in the eyes with his beautiful blue eyes, and the most when he touches me. I don't think we'll ever be together, and it hurts in every bone in my body. I never want to say goodbye, but I know that I will have to soon. I will have to love him from afar, because I have a feeling that other wise I might jump him, or burst. And it will go away, even if that's the last thing I want. I will not prevent myself from living on the life I am supposed to have. I will go to all the parties that I want to go to in spite of the fact that he'll surely be there, and be there with another girl, at that. Because I need that pain, and I need to have it go away, and it will in the end.
This spring, much like life, is all about the combination of black and white, and making them work together side by side. Although the look is amazingly classy and clean, it can be a bit boring. So here are some items that will help you create an interesting monochromatic look:

1. The easiest way to make an interesting black and white outfit is by wearing a dress. It's a no fuss kind of outfit. It's summery, breezy, and easy. This dress from Freepeople.com is a perfect combination of black and white. The black lace gives off a sexy feel, and the soft lace detailing at the bottom and the cut at the bottom make it super feminine and soft. It can be dressed up with heels and a clutch for a cocktail party, or dress it down with a chambray top and even low top converse for a casual day.

2. Another easy way is to incorporate different textures into the outfit to make it a little more interesting. A good example is leather (faux leather) shorts into the outfit. They give a little edge and a different texture like these from Urbanoutfitters.com. Another option for texture is a light weight cable knit sweater like this one from Topshop.com
that has amazing knitted detailing.

3. Third way to do this in a more interesting way is studding or embellishments. Things like these shorts from Pullandbear.com that are embroidered beautifully, and are light and breezy and comfortable for even the sweatiest of days, because they don't stick. Another pair of interesting shorts is this one from Hm.com. It's not just a regular studded pair of shorts. There are different kinds of studs on it and even skull studs, but subtle ones so that it's not too dark.

4. Last way to incorporate it through clothes is by wearing distinguishable patterns. A lovely trend is crazy pants. I found a pair in Zara.com that I absolutely love, the print is so beautiful and different. I really like the way it looks from afar and from close up. Another cool pattern is the window pane pattern that was all over runways and is perfect, and is displayed through this blazer from Forever21.com . Not only do I love the pattern, but it an easy thing to style up or down. It's great for chilly spring days.


Hope you all have a great fantastic day, and that just like yin and yang you find a way to balance out your blacks and you whites. XOXO Roni J.

I Heart Spring!

Hello pretty girls.
How are we? You know me, always getting better. Thank goodness my friend got her test results a few hours ago, and thank goodness yet again, she doesn't have cancer, and it was just a scare. I cannot express the happiness I have in me for her being well and healthy. It was a weird weight to bare the past month. Ever since she went to the doctor's and he said cancer might be the reason she was getting these stomach ache all the time, I was scared out of my mind, praying for her well being every night, worrying that she is going to get lost in fear, because she has before in her life.
So things are always looking up. I'm not saying you have to believe in God, but it has so far in my life (knock on wood) proved itself to be a good way to deal with things. Not believing in God necessarily, but believing in yourself, believing in the good, believing that things are for the best, and will get better soon. I just had to share the relief. It's the most amazing news I've gotten recently.
Another weird thing happened to me yesterday, while we were practicing for the senior musical. I don't know if I've talked about him, but in the musical I play a part with a guy in my grade that is absolutely dear. I mean I am insanely attracted to him, and I know he's kind of a player (Mr. Guy's best friend... No wonder), but he is insanely sweet, and he just lights up my world... We shall name him.... Big Guy (yup, most of the guys I'm attracted to will be named guy, because that's the way I am. He is really wide and tall, hence the name-Big Guy). Anyways when we were at a party last weekend, after a long break from rehearsals in which we hadn't seen each other. He is also my bio lab partner, so we've had quite a lot of interaction lately. And at the party he came up behind me and held me, I'm guessing that slightly drunk, but he didn't smell like it, and said "I've missed you". Needless to say I melted like a freaking marshmallow in s'mores.
Me being the stress case I am, every time he's supposed to kiss me on the cheek during the musical, I melt like a butter on a freshly toasted bread. I know. A kiss on the cheek, how much of a stinking shy girl can I be. The answer is infinitely shy.
So what happened yesterday in rehearsal, anyways, was me resting a little on the bars that were hanging at the gym. The bars were the kind that are just two bars sticking out of the wall, and you rest your hand on them and lift your legs up and down in order to get you tummy muscles working. So I was just leaning against the wall with my arms on the bars that were lowered, because it's the middle school gym. I was watching from the sidelines, basically, and saw him and thought how funny it could have been if he had cornered me. Guess what happens... He comes up in front of me, and puts his hands on the bars lifting himself up, so literally, he basically cornered me. He lowers himself down to my ear and says "Roni, I think it's time we talked about the tension between us", and I'm like...... WHAT?! WHERE did that come from just now?! Laughing on the inside at how weird it was that I was just thinking about it happening and kind of pushed the thought away like that ain't gonna happen. So I push him away slightly thinking well, hello, Big Guy, aren't you just a smidge too close?
Because that's what a stress case thinks about straight away rather than did he just say he wants you? And I say alright Big Guy (I didn't really say Big Guy, I said his name), let's talk. He said aww you ruined the atmosphere, and we talked for a short while, not about the tension between us, but like two seconds, and then we had to go back and dance the dance number that we are both a part of.
Today comes around and I am still quite shocked about what happened. Like how it happened, and what he said all seems blurry and odd. Oh, but then, yes, then, I get a text message from dear Big Guy, and I'm like... What? Where does he have my number from. Anyways he asked me if I could help him study for a test we have tomorrow, and I mean I don't know if it was just him thinking I'm smart, and that if he wants success he should ask me for help, or if he wanted to use that excuse for talking to me.
Funny thing is..... He asked Mr. Guy for the number. Yup. The one that I have had mixed feelings about for the past something that looks like 8 months maybe, maybe even more. Why? Because they are freaking best friend, and guess what? Mr. Guy gave him my number. And it pisses me off like nothing else. The most sarcastic joke was just pulled on me, and it is really not funny. What? You had to give him my number? Not that I have a problem with Big Guy having my number, not at all, I actually quite like the guy and am extremely attracted to him, but... Ugh, why would I ever think something was going on between us? There was nothing, and I do mean nothing. Nada. Zepooo. And I just got hurt by you not even rejecting me, but just giving away my number to your best friend who wanted my number, God knows what for. I know there was nothing between us, and even when there was the slightest sign that there might be something worth talking about, even then you kept going making out, and other more graphic stuff with other girls, so hell, why would I even think that? Why would I ever get mad at you for giving away my number like there was nothing between us, when there was actually nothing between us? I am the one that's messed up for being mad at him, you see?
Anyways, I'll keep believing and being positive, and I will keep being true to myself, and I know this is probably for the best. I know Mr. Guy is unhealthy, and isn't serious or driven or caring. I also know that Big Guy is a lot of these things. He's not perfect, not at all to say the least, but I can see better things coming our of liking him than came out from being attached to Mr. Guy that doesn't even give a darn yarn about me.
Back to the actual topic, let's talk spring. And let's talk our favorite spring things if we may. Here are the questions, courtesy of Missglamorazzi, Ingrid, on Youtube, that did this tag a week or two ago, and I thought it was cute and fitting. Here are the questions:
1. Favorite spring nail polish:
This spring-summer season color is pistachio, which is really light pastel green, a little different from the mint that we saw last spring in the fact that it is more green than teal. And I love that color. So the nail polish I naturally chose for this category is in the pistachio shade. First Timer by Essie is my choice. It is from the latest collection called the Resort collection, and all of the colors are quite sweet, but this one just... Grabbed me, as I was grabbing it. So, yup this is it.

2. What is Your must-have lip color this spring?
On Hold, my dear beloved lipstick from MAC that I have just talked about for hours in my March Favorites post, Marching On. It's such a pretty pink color that suits my skin perfectly, and I love the fact that It's a cremesheen so it's light. I also don't like going too light or bright on my lips, otherwise it washes me out, which is not a good look on me, so the fact that it's not the lightest shade is a great thing in my opinion.

3. Show us your favorite spring dress!
Alright, alright, just don't yell at me. It's this beautiful blue floral dress from Topshop a few years ago. I love that it sits perfectly on my body, and looks like it came from a 50's housewife. It cinches in at the waist, which gives your body a really sweet feminine look, and the neckline is not deep, so it's feminine, but not cheap.

3. What's your favorite spring flower?
My favorite spring flower is daffodil. It's simple, and beautiful, and smells really fresh and good. I love it. I especially love the white daffodils, and we grow them in the garden every spring. They make me happy.

5. Favorite spring accessory?
My favorite spring accessory is my beautiful wool sun hat. It is a little warm because it is wool, but it is just... Beautiful. I have nothing more to add.

6. What spring trend(s) are you most excited about?
Stripes. I love my stripes. I just adore that pattern, and it comes back every year, which makes it a really good staple piece that you can use over and over and over again, every year. I also adore the fact that black and white outfits are in. The monochromatic look is so classy and modern, and I love me some black, so it's another perfect trend for me.

7. Favorite spring candle?
For me it's definitely Tiki Beach by Bath and Body Works. It's a warm scent, which I love, but are less popular scents around summer, and more around winter. But let me assure you, it is fabulous. It smells like coconuts, vanilla and musk. Ahh it makes my nostrils melt with joy.

8. Favorite perfume for spring?
I think it's quite obvious. I will not repeat this again. Just look at last week's post, and you will know why I freaking love Tresor Midnight Rose by Lancome.

9. What is spring like where you live?
Here it gets slightly chilly every once in a while, and at night, but mostly, it is sunny during the day, and warm, and humid at times, but still very lovely.

10. Favorite thing about spring?
I know this will sound... I don't know... Sappy, but the thing I love most about spring is the way it makes my mother feel. Every time she sees a flower blooming, and every time she sees that the sun doesn't set so early in the day, she is ecstatic, and whatever makes her happy, makes me happy.

11. Are you a spring cleaner?
I'm a spring messer. Does that answer the question?

12. Any plan for spring break or an upcoming vacation?
I just came back from Rome, so I can't ask for more.

That's all. Hope you have a wonderful day and that you stay kind, and loving, and generous. I tag you all to do it if you want to. Love, XOXO, Roni J.

Keeping Promises

Hello girls.
Was there ever a promise you didn't keep? Something you really wanted to stand by, but when the time came, you decided it's time to sit down. Something that when you look back ,you wish you would have, or wouldn't have done. Something you promised you wouldn't say, but the time called for it, so you went with it, said it, it poured out of your mouth and when it was out, there was just no way of getting those words back; back to where they came from, back to where they truly belong. Something that would be a good idea for you, a healthier decision for you to keep. Why don't we keep those?
Is it society that's making it seem like so hard, like too much of an effort to keep up with our promises? Is it society that makes it sound like temptation is good for us and that everything tempting is worth the risk? Is it us that we're so terrified of commitment? Is it people around us that doubt our abilities? Why?
Have you wondered about it later? Why it is that we want something so bad that we promise it to ourselves, maybe even vow, but there comes a day for some strange reason that we break that promise? We waste so much time making promises, so little time thinking about breaking them, and so much more time breaking them. Why do we make them then?
Obviously, I am also human. I make promises that I fail to keep all the time, but what drives me crazy is people who don't even make an effort at keeping them. Throwing away promises for them is like tossing an old juice box to the trash can.
Don't get me wrong. I think making promises is a good thing. It's even important. I think keeping those promises and making them come to life is even more important. It's rewarding. It shows an effort. It shows you care. I think they have a big weight to them and that they shouldn't just be dispersed in the air or tossed like they were some Frisbee.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you need, we all need to give more thought before making promises to other people, to God, to ourselves, to other objects you might find lying around in the room for all I care, and more thought into breaking them. They were meant to be kept.
I don't know why I spoke about this subject necessarily. That's so random. Ok. Whatever came out I'm fine with. 

 So this is an outfit I wore a WHILE ago, but haven't yet posted.
I wore this tank top I love from Urban Outfitters. It's a really nice turquoise color and it has lace stripes in different widths all over it. My style isn't so girly that I feel right in everything that has lace on it, but this is just the right amount, and it's black lace rather than white or pink, so it's suits me much better.
I also wore my boutique bought Chinos in the same kind of turquoise, except a few shades lighter. I think that with the black lace it created this nice dimension to the outfit, but that might just be me.

For jewelery I decided to go with my colorful Michal Negrin earrings and the necklace that is very similar the the earrings except in different colors, also from Michal Negrin. If you hadn't noticed my love for her jewelery by now, than you haven't been around for long, probably. Her website was linked a few posts ago but here it is in case you missed out on it.
The shoes I wore are my beloved suede loafers from Urban Outfitters by the brand Minnetonka.
Other than that the rings are the usual rings, and stuff.
Please leave a comment down below and subscribe to this blog. XOXO Roni J.

This is Charlie Simpson. Now this guy is amazing. He's a British folk artist, and his songs are just so touching and the lyrics so inspiring, and his voice and the guitar just so so soothing. Hope you enjoy him. He's BY FAR one of my favorite artists and his songs can make me cry in a snap. Love him.

Back On Track

Or at the very least I hope so; at least for the time being. I just had a chemistry AP. Don't judge me, please. It went fairly alright. Not the best test I've had, but I got the results for my math AP, and I got 95, so that cheered me up :D. Oh the small things that make me happy. Like the humongous moon that appeared two days ago.
If you don't yet know this, or if I haven't blabbered about this subject enough in the past, my favorite thing, or rather things, about nature are the stars, the moon and the sun. I especially love the clear night skies. I don't have any idea why, but it calms me down. I will not force my belief upon anybody, but the truth is that it makes me feel like no matter what anybody says, there's something much bigger than us that's moving us and that directs us. Whether you're an astrologist, astronomer, christian, muslim, bahai, jew, whatever you choose to be, I'm really not about to name all the religions this world has to offer because there are more beliefs than people, I've found, the universe holds some crazy secrets that whomever or whatever is responsible for their creation is greatly admired by me. I mean some people think that it makes you see how small you really are, which is frightening, but to me it doesn't as though I'm so small, as much as it feels like there are literally worlds more to discover.
Some people are afraid of all the ways the universe can harm us. Us people, we harm ourselves more than the universe harms us, quite frankly. To be honest, I'd rather be killed by an asteroid than to be killed by a human, which seems to be rather likely these days.
Anyways this is just pointless blabber. The real thing I was going to talk about is my tiny disappointment. There was a race in town today and my dad and I were supposed to go, but he had a meeting scheduled last minute and therefore we didn't go. I really wish to be back on track with my physical activity, as well, but everything I try kind of fails miserably. I'll find something to do next school year I guess.
So here's the haul I've been promising for absolutely ages. Sorry for that.

 This first top is from a local boutique. Yes, again, I'm so sorry. It's a paisley print made out of really nice and flowy from a silk-like material. It has a zipper detailing on the pocket, which is simply what sold it for me. Easy to sell me stuff you're thinking? You're pretty darn right. A day beforehand I told myself there's no way I'll be seen wearing something paisley. Liar liar pants on fire, you'd be seen in almost any piece of clothing if given the chance. 

The next piece is a bikini top that I bought, yet again in a local store. I love it because of the tribal-like pattern and the bright colors without being neon pink all over which is really not my style if you ever wondered. Obviously as mentioned above, if I see something neon pink that I like, I will wear it, because I buy more than I talk. I'm kidding. I really don't.
The next two tops are both sleeveless button downs, as I've said I love in my favorites. Both are sheer, on the peachier tone of things, both from H&M and both are loved by me very much. The first one is a silky material on front with a cute floral print that's back is a chiffon sheer fabric.
The other one is just a sheer over all high-low shirt that I would love to wear to the beach with a bikini top underneath or with a cool bandeau underneath, or even a nice tank top that suits it. I was hoping to also get H&M's tribal printed sunglasses but they didn't have them in store which killed it for me and I still want to find them.
Anyways darlings, I hope we all have a good rest of the week and weekend, and that we go through the exams like we were butterflies in a field of flowers. Leave comments down below for suggestions, questions, or random things you want to say! XOXO Roni J.

  I have no idea why, but I got addicted to this song today, so I hope you enjoy it. It has no symbolic meaning for the text above like I usually do.

Here's To.... (April Favorites)

Hello girls!
How have you been doing lately?
I have been doing better with the whole stress situation, and things are a little more calm again.
I have had a few things in April that really are worth toasting to:
Here's to being able to handle stress, and jump over every hurdle that's in my way even though I hate running.
Here's to being able to show myself that I am so much better than I give myself credit for.
Here's to learning how to stand up for myself, who I am, what I believe in, and what's important to me.
Here's to taking the space I need desperately, to stepping back, relaxing, to being selfish as long as it doesn't hurt anybody else.
Here's to knowing that being selfish (obviously as long as it doesn't hurt anybody) is human,
 allowed, and even necessary.
Here's to knowing what I want and achieving like a little princess rather than bawling and not getting myself anywhere.
Here's to looking forward into the future rather than digging into the past.
Here's to getting over people (not only guys) that do you wrong.
Here's to getting past issues and to forgiving.
Here's to knowing who I am, and not letting anybody, NO FREAKING BODY, tell me whom                                                                              You ain't got the right to tell me
I should be like or what I should be like.                       When and where to go, no right to tell me
Here's to doing what I think or feel is right.                  Acting like you own me lately
Here's to doing what IS right.                                        Yeah baby you don't know a thing about me
Here's for the past knowing where to stay.
Here's for loving the world.                                         
Here's to complimenting others
Here's to loving who I am.
Cheers!

Mis favoritos son:

* Perfume! This month's favorite perfume of mine is Escada's "Escada". This perfume is sincerely SO good. It's smells like what angels would sound like if that makes any sense at all. It is pure, clean and fresh, which are all the things I would like to smell like in the sweaty months of the summer, but I'm on my last few drops and I haven't really seen it in drugstores, so hopefully when I go on the delegation in July (HURRAY!) I will find it in the duty free.
Fragrance Notes: . Notes include Bergamot, Black Currant, Leafy Greens, Cucumber, Italian Lemon, Sea Breeze Accord, Freesia, Honeydew, Magnolia, Jasmine, Muguet, Rose, Orange Blossom, Peony, Amber, Musk, Nectarine, Vanilla, Orris, Patchouli, Sandalwood.
Usually I absolutely despise scents with jasmine in them, so the fact that I like it so flipping much means a lot.

*Trend! My favorite trend for this month is sleeveless button up shirts! I will do a haul soon and show you the two I got from H&M, but here's an example from Urban Outfitters that I wanted to get really badly, but I haven't gotten around to buying it. Oh, well.


* Face wash! My favorite face wash was given to me by a friend that doesn't like this, and I used it when I slept over at her house. Apparently she ran out of hers while being abroad so she bought it instead and didn't like it. This thing is miraculous! The Clean & Clear blackhead clearing daily scrub is just one of the best face washes I've used and it is so very cheap. It is oil free, but even though I have dry to normal skin it's moisturizing in the right way. I don't use it everyday, because it's a scrub, which can irritate the skin and all, but it is GREAT.


*Concealer combo! I have really no right to complain about acne or whatever, but my under eye circles can look like a rainbow on a good day. These products are what I feel like do the best job in covering those babies up. First I put a real thin layer of the Garnier roll-on that is supposed to have caffeine that wakens your eyes in the morning, and cooling ingredients that are supposed to de-puff. I got the formula that is a little tinted, but in my opinion it is a little too orange, which is good for a corrector under the concealer so that the rather toneless concealer will not look blue. The concealer is good for both covering up circles, and for covering up acne. This concealer is PUPA's stick concealer in the shade 01 if anyone was wondering. Really both are amazing on their own, but in my case, with all the lack of sleep and the stress, the answer is BOTH.

*Mascara! Again PUPA's product, the Diva's Lashes mascara by them, which really volumizes your lashes and gives great definition. I'm still on the hunt for a more elongating one, so for any ideas and suggestions, hit the comments!

*Blush! Victoria's Secret's Very Sexy blush in Runway. It has two shades of pink that are really pretty. One is really shimmery, though, so anyone that doesn't like it can still use the side with the non-shimmery blush color which is completely matte. They're a peachy tone, but leaning more towards pink, so they look super natural, even though in the container they are SCAREY bright.

*Bronzer! Jade's Indian Wood bronzer is a shimmery rose-gold like tone. I like the shimmer because it adds dimensions to my face and gives it a natural looking glow that I don't have because of my pretty dry skin. If you don't like it STEP AWAY FROM IT, for your sake, really. Its tone enables it to multifunction as blush, as well.

* Lip product! Sephora's lip gloss in Pink Ballerina is the most beautiful light shade of pink that gives your lips the most natural glossy look. I have had the sampke size for forever now, and it is really holding up. Its texture is not sticky, and very moisturizing, but to be honest, although the smell is nice, the taste is a little iffy.

* Person! Honestly, and this is going to sound ridiculous, but my math teacher. She helped get more sure of myself and get through all the tests with good grades. She helped me feel better about myself and calm the heck down rather than FREAK OUT!

* Pride! My sister is finally decisive and decided on doing something useful for what she loves. She loves fashion as much as I do if not three times as much, and she decided on doing a local designers sale this Friday. I am so proud of her. Even the press was making an announcement about it.

* Singer! Olly Murs- this guy can sing! I love him so freaking much, for his cute upbeat music (for me that is upbeat, since I listen to depressing music all the time. Oopsies). I love his lyrics, which, to me, are the most important part of the song.

*Song! Anna Sun by Walk the Moon is definately my most played over and over song this month. Cheerful and cute, and the lead singer's moves just add on to this really, sincerely lovely song.  Give it a listen.




That's all girls! Love you very much! XOXO Roni J.
Here's to the month of May.
Cheers!

Gone With The Math Wind

As the title claims, I am here for now. The next few weeks until the very end of the school year are going to be a hurricane, so please don't be disappointed if there's a week with only one post coming up or even less, and especially not the more decorated put together posts, because I have so many tests that my mind's burning up.
This week I have chem test and two math tests that I really am trying not to be too stressed about, because frankly that's what screws me up and makes me fail miserably (not that I actually fail, but I've been getting bad scores because of stressing myself out), so, you girls, wish me luck, please!
How have you been? To my sad impression you don't really like leaving comments which I would love to get. Don't worry about being good at English or whatever, because that, honestly, doesn't matter to me at all.
I am taking pictures of outfit of the days all the time for you, though not really able to take the time and do a real post to my awful dismay.
Other than that things haven't really changed, gone wrong, or gone fabulous. I don't have any boy drama, thank whatever higher force you believe in if you do. School is a little stressful, but I mean it could be because I just had a really long spring break, and I'm just not used to working my bum off. Yet. My family is great actually. Dad decided to stop smoking, which in my opinion is a great thing that will be healthy for us as a family and individually, and especially good for him. I am very proud of that life choice he has taken. My friends and I all made up (the ones I had fights with), and I really am just happy with my place in the food chain right now. I feel almost like a T-Rex, a super omnivore. I am honestly trying my best at not letting things get to me.
I am optimistic, very, which is a good thing for me to be at this point. I mean usually towards the end of the school year I am powerless, but this year I'm charging up to go at it full force.
Now here are three outfits from these past not so few days:

The first outfit was worn on an extremely humid day, and therefore I didn't wear any jewelery, but I did go to see 21 Jump Street, which was HILARIOUS, so try to go out and see it. An added plus is that Channing Tatum is extremely attractive, and I'm shallow like that. Hence the sweater in case I get cold in the theater, and I always get cold in the theater. The cardigan is from Zara and it has been featured more time than the dear beloved queen waves her hand in one day. The T-shirt is just an old T-shirt of my sister's that has a yellow cab on it and, I really like it. The shoes I was wearing are my Aldo black sandals that cannot be replaced in my heart, as far as my eyes have seen up until now.

This next outfit was worn on a day home when I didn't feel like putting too much effort into. I wore my mom's mint tank top with lace trimming at the neck that I steal all the time. Again I didn't wear any jewelery just because I was really lazy and was just solving math tests for nobody to hear or see. The shorts are from last summer's Urban Outfitter's collection. They're dotted all over, high waisted and have scalloped edges. The little short-sleeved cardigan is from Topshop, and I don't love it, but still I needed color. I didn't really wear shoes, because my feet love their freedom when possible.

The last outfit for today is an outfit I wore to school, and it has an autumn-ish vibe to it, but really it felt a lot like a fall day that day. I centered it around the necklace that I bought in a local boutique (for more information about the boutiques I shop at send me a comment so that I can answer you later more privately). I wore a plain gray T-shirt from Old Navy, which I always buy my basic T's from, with some high waisted denim shorts, again from a local store. Under the shorts I wore black tights and I paired them up with my shoes from Urban Outfitters that I saw Ivy from 90210 wearing in the last episode I think that came out, or the one before, and got really stupidly fan girly excited about it. That girl is a style icon for me, although I would never be able to imitate her. Other than that I wore all my regular rings and my lucky bracelet my dad bought me.

Anyways I really am desperate for your replies and thoughts and so on so please comment. Remember that "wherever I go, each moment away, I'm missing you more than I can say" as the lovely Karima Francis says in her addictive song "Wherever I Go". Have an awesome week! XOXO Roni J.

New Beginnings

Hello girls.
I know how it's not really the beginning of spring anymore, nor is it new year's for any religion that I know of, but I am going back to school in about two days, and I need something fresh to hold me through the exams and the stress. I cleaned things out with my guy friend G. with whom I had a fight yesterday. To be quite honest I was surprised that he was the first one to approach the other and ask to forget things, but he was for forgetting and not getting into it, which I guess is okay for getting to be exactly the way things were before, but it doesn't really solve any problem we had between us, which is exactly what I wanted to realize during the fight. He's just covering everything up so that on the surface it looks alright, but does it actually make things better? I think not. I'm just glad we're not falling apart, to be frank, because he IS really important to me, but I don't like leaving things undone.
Another thing I need a fresh start with is GUYS. I know we probably went about this thirty seven time, or at least the amount of blog posts I've posted up until now, but today I realized that I am still in love with a guy I fell in love with over 4 years ago, and that is plain ridicules. He was an amazing guy and I have no regrets for falling for him or anything, if anything, he's probably the best guy I have ever had feelings for, or at least was the best guy at the time. He lives very far away, in my old town, nothing happened between us, and in October I went there for the first time in two years. I knew this from the start that it will hurt, and I think a part of me wanted to go, because he is my first love, and I wanted to feel that pain again. The thing with me is that I never fully get over a guy. I fall in love with others. I don't think about him as much, but once in a while I get caught up with the memories of him. It's a good thing that I don't see him as much anymore, and that I will probably never see him again, because seeing him really hurt me and raised questions that I don't know how to answer. On the other hand, as I've said already, I hate leaving things undone, unfixed, unsolved. I need that closure, and I will never get it because there was never really something there.

This memory of him keeps running through my mind today and I really need to let it out somehow, because otherwise it might drive me insane, and the thing is that I really don't feel comfortable bothering my friends with telling them this, because I don't think they would understand, and I really don't want them to know, how much of a hopeless romantic I am. On the outside, in order to not get hurt I just build myself up to look bulletproof. The truth is that I've just been punctured pretty thoroughly with so many bullets that there's really not much more to hit and there for the bullets keep missing, if that makes any sense.
The memory I have of that boy, A., is us waiting out by the school to get picked up. Now, this was a private school so the entire grade knows each other, it's not massive. There was a little square where the parking lot is where there's a flagpole, benches, grass and stuff. I remember it being a really cold day, and it was us and a few more people waiting. I am not much of an expressive lover, again probably because of my defenses, so I wasn't much of a boy-hugger at the time, just like today I'm not much of a kisser, it just makes me feel a little awkward, and it was a really big deal for me at the time. I remember that although it was cold, I was wearing something pretty short. I remember it probably being on of the two happiest days of my life in the romance department, and you can see how dull and stupid they are. The simple feeling of being hugged from behind by this boy I think I'm in love with. I was so young I don't even know if I could have perceived how much I felt for him for being so far away from getting him. The two things I remember him saying during that whole situation is something along the lines of "you project warmth" and something along the lines of "my mother might see this and think the wrong things". How the flipping duck did this make me happy, how messed up and blind does a girl have to be to no even think of the words he's saying that are either as deep as the little pee ponds they have for toddlers as a pool, or completely and utterly insulting. I say a lot. Either it was plain stupidity or real love, but me being all full of ego, I'd rather think that I'm an intellectual.
I just need desperately to be rid of my feelings for him, because if it's the casual status update of his Facebook, the fact that his current girlfriend is one of my best friends, or the sincere fact that when I was there he didn't even bother with saying hello to me, or hugging me goodbye, because I will probably never see him again, for that matter, which stung like my lungs were punctured, it just all hurts far too much. There is an endless number of possibilities that are so near, and much more attainable, so why keep dishing on the past?
Onto the more fashion-beauty related part of the post. I recently got a gift from my mom for spring to be able to pick whatever I want at the drugstore for a certain amount of money, and I wanted to haul it.



The two items are by the same brand called Jadé from France I'm almost certain, which is rather inexpensive and really great quality, and therefore I am kind of surprised that it's not covered anywhere, and that I haven't heard of it from another beauty blogger or Youtuber, ever. These are not the first items I've purchased from this brand, and thus far I really love all their products, so check it out if you will. The first item is a lipstick shade in Marigold or 457 which is a beautiful bright coral-ly color for spring. It's kind of similar to my So Chaud lipstick from MAC, but it is more pink toned than the true tangerine color of So Chaud, and I absolutely love it.  The packaging is pretty dandy and expensive looking.

The second thing I got is a nail polish by them. It's shade's name is Award Blue and its number is 393, and it is just the most beautiful shade of electric cobalt blue with really fine shimmer on it. I love nail polishes like that for the summer because even if they're not the brightest or most summery shades I love it when they glitter in the sun. It's just so beautiful. These are the pictures of it in the bottle, and swatched on my nails. I couldn't find ANY information about the brand online, which seems extremely odd to me so I'll do some more research for you, and come back with options of where you can buy it in popular drugstores, and maybe where you can hear some more about it. Love you Fashionistas! Goodnight, XOXO, Roni J.

Well, I Have A Lot On My Heart

Dear, dear Fashionistas,
How've you been? I, well, I have been all over the place.
I don't know, maybe it's because it's "the moon's cycle", if you know what I mean, and I haven't actually been depressed or sad or anything, but I did have temper issues. I still had some really fun moments, but some people were just driving me insane. 
First I will start by talking about my best friend. We're literally like sisters, but we live far away from each other, so we rarely ever get to see each other, so our main way of communicating is through Facebook and other technologies of that sort. Let's just call her A. for short. I love her. I really do. She is an amazing person and she's so talented, but sometimes she just feel a little full of herself. She has this girl with whom she has been fighting with because she was jealous of A., and this other girl sounds, since I don't know her, less than friendly. A. tried talking over things with the girl she's been fighting with, E., which I appreciate greatly, and apparently it went great, but then she goes telling me that she doesn't get what E.'s boyfriend's doing with E. Seriously? Aren't you trying to mend things? Why screw this up? Just because you're stinking jealous? Therefore I tried talking her out of thinking so highly about herself over this E. girl, and I was like: "well, darling, do you think maybe the jealousy is mutual?", and she goes like "I don't posses jealousy". Who doesn't posses jealousy? I mean it's so human to be jealous, and although it might count as a sin in some religions or cultures, it is so freaking natural to be envious of someone, you know? I love her. I do, but sometimes she can't take criticism and admit to being speckled with flaws like all of us humans, and it bothers me, because I was raised to be selfless and humble.
Next vent is about how I went to this club yesterday, and obviously, since it is me, I wasn't drinking and I was really just looking forward to hanging out with the girls and dance and stuff, and then I forgot my I.D. Now, they have lots of publicists our age, and a few of them are friends of mine, so usually what happens if you forget your I.D. is that you talk to one of the publicists that know you're the right age, and they let you in, since they don't sell alcohol anyways. The only reason they do this anyways is so that young girls don't go mingling with really much older guys, and there aren't really much older guys there anyways, plus I am pretty darn tall, and I don't look like a middle school girl, thank God, so why won't you let me in like you usually do in those cases? But NO, they had to be stinky butts about it and take a whole lot of time away from my showing off my dance skills to the public for so stinking much money, only to find half an hour later, after standing in the cold in a skirt and a short sleeved top, that an older friend of mine who's 19 said that I AM the age of the rest of my friends that DID bring a stinking I.D. What the stinking crap?!
And last but not least, actually probably the most, is my semi-best guy friend we'll call G. Anyways, he has been inviting me and the rest of my girlfriends to hang out with the rest of his group of guys many times during the break. I am completely honest when I say this that this break all I wanted is to really TAKE A BREAK, and this, unfortunately for the way things turned out, includes a break from him. I love him, yet again, I really do. As I have said in previous blog posts I am much like a bird and I cannot be feeling like I am tied down or being held onto too tightly. I guess this is also my fault, but he was giving me a lecture about how he thinks that we, us girls, are avoiding them or whatever, and that we never go out with them anymore, and that we only go out to places where 12th graders are at, which is bull. He basically said that I was lying, and that "I just feel like hanging by myself at home" sounds like a lame excuse or whatever. I'm like a bird you guys, and this bird was feeling captured, and forced to be trained to behave the way he'd like me to, which are two of the most annoying things to me in humans. The sense that I would like to be domesticated by him, and bound by his rules of what I should be like sickens me, in fact. So I tried to explain to him that he's treating us girls like a herd of sheep when he says that we "all never show up", and that we "all have stupid excuses all the time", and that he has to "chase" us all the time. Seriously, what am I? My answer is a bird, and you're cutting off my feathers, and making my shine wear down. So at first I told him calmly "hey, listen, each one has her own reasons. I'm not like any of them and neither one of them is alike. Some of these excuses might be hiding some real problems, but he can't just talk to me and expect us all, as a herd, to now be obliged to say yes to every outing. Then, I got really flipping mad, because he was so in the idea he is right, that he wouldn't sharking listen to what I had to say, so, in order to not get hurt, I just went like "whatever man I was trying to help". This is what ticked me off the most, you know? I was really trying to help him.
Over all and on a much lighter note I did have a good week. I got to go cycling, and, even though I fell flat on my face, since we don't have cycling around here because it's so hilly, I really enjoyed being able to do it. I also visited a really good new friend of mine that lives far away, spend the night there, and have a girly night of talking and giggling and stuff.
Yesterday at the club was really nice, too. We went there a bunch of girls and just danced and didn't have a care in the world. It was also a confidence booster, because a lot of guys asked me to dance with them, and although I said no to most, because I was just looking for a drama-less night, it was nice to feel attractive, even if even the most unattractive girls got asked as much as I did and even more times or whatever. I also got to see many friends that have graduated or that I haven't seen in a long time, and it was really nice.
I fixed things with A., because I do care about her a lot, and I wouldn't like us fighting over stupid girls who make her angry, and surely not to become a stupid girl who makes her angry. As I've said the night at the club was pretty darn great after all, and with G., well, I'll just see where this goes, but since it's fairly fresh right now, I wouldn't want to speak out of anger you know?
So here are the outfits of this week that I haven't shown you:

This one's from when we shot a documentary for film studies: 

 I wore this dress from Zara, I'm pretty sure, that's in between a maxi and a midi which is good for spring when it's still a little cool outside. It's really body con and form fitting, so, if you're feeling insecure about your small booty or too big of a booty, then you probably shouldn't wear it, but I don't care my bum is really big and my boobs are not as big as they should be on a girl as tall as I am, but I don't give a crap, and essentially I got many compliments on it.
It did get pretty darn called so I took my black oversized sweater in case it gets cold outside.
I took a small handbag my mom and dad got me when they were in London, which is awesome of them.
I also wore my American Eagle sandals that have sneak print and olive green and black straps to them, to keep it looking a little more summery, and my only other accessory, accept for the bag, was my hombre colored sunglasses that I got when I visited my old town, a while ago, October maybe, for free, which was awesome.
To give the outfit a little color, I wore a new lipstick my mother got me for spring, which I'll review soon, that is a really nice coral color. By the way, sorry for my hand looking all bashed, but I fell off a bike, so I think you'll forgive me. 

The next is what I wore to the club yesterday:

 I wore no accessories at all, accept for my rings, because when I'm dancing I don't like being bothers about any accessories falling off and stuff.
I wore my tribal print shirt from Urban Outfitters that I absolutely adore since it's so light breezy, so it's not hot to dance with it, there's barely any sweat, but it does slide off the shoulders really easily, which bothers me.
I wore it with a skirt that's bright tangerine orange, a color that's really in this season, from Topshop. It's mini length on me, because I have extra long legs, but on other people it would probably be midi, I think. It's pleated, which I love because it looks great whilst dancing. I wore it with a belt that I make from a not-used-for-shoes-yet-shoelace, which makes it look like a bow, and me look like a little wrapped present. I didn't take a photo of the shoes I wore, but they're the shoes I was wearing today.

Speaking about today:

Today I was just going for a session of tutoring so I wore this:
So the shoes I wore, both today and yesterday night were these Aldo black sandals that I wear to death and beyond and are falling apart.
The shirt is from Zara, pants are from a local boutique, but I saw something really similar in Zara as well. The bag is from Urban Outfitters, and I wore it with the back straps, but it can also be worn as a cross body satchel, or just straight up on one shoulder.

That's it darlings, sorry it is indeed so long, but I've skipped a few days and had a lot to say. I have been introduced to this next song by my love to Sia, which I've been listening to for almost two years now, I think. It's really not my usual taste of music, but it's lyrics and Sia's voice are both just amazing. If you do know this song, but haven't checked Sia out yet, then this is another song by her that I love.
XOXO Roni J.