Saying Goodbye

Hey girls,
don't get freaked out by the title this does not mean by any way that I'm ditching you, but I had  to talk to you about something that's been weighing me down.
I'm sure this probably happens to everybody and surely in a much worse way than it happened to me, but today I said a rough goodbye to someone. That someone is my dog. She lives with my aunt and uncle, so I won't see her again before they put her down tomorrow. She is a beautiful dog, smart, kind and innocent, and she is so human; more human than a lot of other people I know. We named her Joy when we first got her, and the truth is she really did bring us all joy.
Lately, though, she hasn't been feeling too good, she was weak and old, and she was diagnosed with a tumor. She is not as full of joy as she once were. She can barely get up or wiggle that cute little tail of hers. I knew I had to see her before she was put down, and hence I went over and sat down with her for a while, hugged her, tried to ease her pain as much as I could, but I realized I have no healing powers in my hands, and after an hour or so I left her.
I thought that saying goodbye to her would be better than what had happened to me the last time I lost someone that was close to my heart. She was my nanny when I was just a tiny little thing, and she had diabetes for a long time before she had passed, but I didn't want to see her hurting so bad I guess, and so I put off seeing her for a long time, and then she passed away, and I was so full of shame and regret that I still haven't gotten over the fact that I should have at least paid her the respect she deserved and come and visit her.
My rule to myself in life is to never do something that I know I will not be proud of, and when I do something that I'm not entirely proud
of, to not regret it and look on the bright side of doing it.    "You're gonna have to leave me now, I
This was the first time I actually really regretted                  know. I'll see you in the sky above, in
something that I've done, or rather haven't done,                  in the tall grass, in the ones I love.You're
and couldn't look past the guilt to the bright side of it.         gonna make me lonesome when you go"
When I went to see Joy, my nanny's funeral kept popping
into my head and I thought that this was the right thing to do, but it didn't hurt any less. I didn't feel guilty, but I saw her in her misery and all I could wish was that there truly is a heaven, and that she gets to be the first in line to go through the gates of it.
I'm sorry for the rather sad post. I just really had to share you know?
On a brighter note...

Here's an outfit of the day from a while back.
The polka dotted cropped top is vintage from my mother's closet. The black high waisted jeggings I think were from Urban Outfitters, but I was gifted them so I don't know. The necklace again is from Michal Negrin. If you want the link to her site, I posted it a while ago so look in previous posts. The earrings are from H&M last year, and the shoes I wore are my Aldo black sandals that have been in basically every post.
Take care! Roni J.

Well, I Have A Lot On My Heart

Dear, dear Fashionistas,
How've you been? I, well, I have been all over the place.
I don't know, maybe it's because it's "the moon's cycle", if you know what I mean, and I haven't actually been depressed or sad or anything, but I did have temper issues. I still had some really fun moments, but some people were just driving me insane. 
First I will start by talking about my best friend. We're literally like sisters, but we live far away from each other, so we rarely ever get to see each other, so our main way of communicating is through Facebook and other technologies of that sort. Let's just call her A. for short. I love her. I really do. She is an amazing person and she's so talented, but sometimes she just feel a little full of herself. She has this girl with whom she has been fighting with because she was jealous of A., and this other girl sounds, since I don't know her, less than friendly. A. tried talking over things with the girl she's been fighting with, E., which I appreciate greatly, and apparently it went great, but then she goes telling me that she doesn't get what E.'s boyfriend's doing with E. Seriously? Aren't you trying to mend things? Why screw this up? Just because you're stinking jealous? Therefore I tried talking her out of thinking so highly about herself over this E. girl, and I was like: "well, darling, do you think maybe the jealousy is mutual?", and she goes like "I don't posses jealousy". Who doesn't posses jealousy? I mean it's so human to be jealous, and although it might count as a sin in some religions or cultures, it is so freaking natural to be envious of someone, you know? I love her. I do, but sometimes she can't take criticism and admit to being speckled with flaws like all of us humans, and it bothers me, because I was raised to be selfless and humble.
Next vent is about how I went to this club yesterday, and obviously, since it is me, I wasn't drinking and I was really just looking forward to hanging out with the girls and dance and stuff, and then I forgot my I.D. Now, they have lots of publicists our age, and a few of them are friends of mine, so usually what happens if you forget your I.D. is that you talk to one of the publicists that know you're the right age, and they let you in, since they don't sell alcohol anyways. The only reason they do this anyways is so that young girls don't go mingling with really much older guys, and there aren't really much older guys there anyways, plus I am pretty darn tall, and I don't look like a middle school girl, thank God, so why won't you let me in like you usually do in those cases? But NO, they had to be stinky butts about it and take a whole lot of time away from my showing off my dance skills to the public for so stinking much money, only to find half an hour later, after standing in the cold in a skirt and a short sleeved top, that an older friend of mine who's 19 said that I AM the age of the rest of my friends that DID bring a stinking I.D. What the stinking crap?!
And last but not least, actually probably the most, is my semi-best guy friend we'll call G. Anyways, he has been inviting me and the rest of my girlfriends to hang out with the rest of his group of guys many times during the break. I am completely honest when I say this that this break all I wanted is to really TAKE A BREAK, and this, unfortunately for the way things turned out, includes a break from him. I love him, yet again, I really do. As I have said in previous blog posts I am much like a bird and I cannot be feeling like I am tied down or being held onto too tightly. I guess this is also my fault, but he was giving me a lecture about how he thinks that we, us girls, are avoiding them or whatever, and that we never go out with them anymore, and that we only go out to places where 12th graders are at, which is bull. He basically said that I was lying, and that "I just feel like hanging by myself at home" sounds like a lame excuse or whatever. I'm like a bird you guys, and this bird was feeling captured, and forced to be trained to behave the way he'd like me to, which are two of the most annoying things to me in humans. The sense that I would like to be domesticated by him, and bound by his rules of what I should be like sickens me, in fact. So I tried to explain to him that he's treating us girls like a herd of sheep when he says that we "all never show up", and that we "all have stupid excuses all the time", and that he has to "chase" us all the time. Seriously, what am I? My answer is a bird, and you're cutting off my feathers, and making my shine wear down. So at first I told him calmly "hey, listen, each one has her own reasons. I'm not like any of them and neither one of them is alike. Some of these excuses might be hiding some real problems, but he can't just talk to me and expect us all, as a herd, to now be obliged to say yes to every outing. Then, I got really flipping mad, because he was so in the idea he is right, that he wouldn't sharking listen to what I had to say, so, in order to not get hurt, I just went like "whatever man I was trying to help". This is what ticked me off the most, you know? I was really trying to help him.
Over all and on a much lighter note I did have a good week. I got to go cycling, and, even though I fell flat on my face, since we don't have cycling around here because it's so hilly, I really enjoyed being able to do it. I also visited a really good new friend of mine that lives far away, spend the night there, and have a girly night of talking and giggling and stuff.
Yesterday at the club was really nice, too. We went there a bunch of girls and just danced and didn't have a care in the world. It was also a confidence booster, because a lot of guys asked me to dance with them, and although I said no to most, because I was just looking for a drama-less night, it was nice to feel attractive, even if even the most unattractive girls got asked as much as I did and even more times or whatever. I also got to see many friends that have graduated or that I haven't seen in a long time, and it was really nice.
I fixed things with A., because I do care about her a lot, and I wouldn't like us fighting over stupid girls who make her angry, and surely not to become a stupid girl who makes her angry. As I've said the night at the club was pretty darn great after all, and with G., well, I'll just see where this goes, but since it's fairly fresh right now, I wouldn't want to speak out of anger you know?
So here are the outfits of this week that I haven't shown you:

This one's from when we shot a documentary for film studies: 

 I wore this dress from Zara, I'm pretty sure, that's in between a maxi and a midi which is good for spring when it's still a little cool outside. It's really body con and form fitting, so, if you're feeling insecure about your small booty or too big of a booty, then you probably shouldn't wear it, but I don't care my bum is really big and my boobs are not as big as they should be on a girl as tall as I am, but I don't give a crap, and essentially I got many compliments on it.
It did get pretty darn called so I took my black oversized sweater in case it gets cold outside.
I took a small handbag my mom and dad got me when they were in London, which is awesome of them.
I also wore my American Eagle sandals that have sneak print and olive green and black straps to them, to keep it looking a little more summery, and my only other accessory, accept for the bag, was my hombre colored sunglasses that I got when I visited my old town, a while ago, October maybe, for free, which was awesome.
To give the outfit a little color, I wore a new lipstick my mother got me for spring, which I'll review soon, that is a really nice coral color. By the way, sorry for my hand looking all bashed, but I fell off a bike, so I think you'll forgive me. 

The next is what I wore to the club yesterday:

 I wore no accessories at all, accept for my rings, because when I'm dancing I don't like being bothers about any accessories falling off and stuff.
I wore my tribal print shirt from Urban Outfitters that I absolutely adore since it's so light breezy, so it's not hot to dance with it, there's barely any sweat, but it does slide off the shoulders really easily, which bothers me.
I wore it with a skirt that's bright tangerine orange, a color that's really in this season, from Topshop. It's mini length on me, because I have extra long legs, but on other people it would probably be midi, I think. It's pleated, which I love because it looks great whilst dancing. I wore it with a belt that I make from a not-used-for-shoes-yet-shoelace, which makes it look like a bow, and me look like a little wrapped present. I didn't take a photo of the shoes I wore, but they're the shoes I was wearing today.

Speaking about today:

Today I was just going for a session of tutoring so I wore this:
So the shoes I wore, both today and yesterday night were these Aldo black sandals that I wear to death and beyond and are falling apart.
The shirt is from Zara, pants are from a local boutique, but I saw something really similar in Zara as well. The bag is from Urban Outfitters, and I wore it with the back straps, but it can also be worn as a cross body satchel, or just straight up on one shoulder.

That's it darlings, sorry it is indeed so long, but I've skipped a few days and had a lot to say. I have been introduced to this next song by my love to Sia, which I've been listening to for almost two years now, I think. It's really not my usual taste of music, but it's lyrics and Sia's voice are both just amazing. If you do know this song, but haven't checked Sia out yet, then this is another song by her that I love.
XOXO Roni J.

Familiar Things

Hello girls.
Today I'll speak about something I have found to be the most important thing. I think I have already mentioned in another blog post about the famous saying by Jean-Paul Sarte: "L'enfer, c'est les autres". If you aren't a French speaker, just like me by the way, so in simple English this basically means "hell is other people", which in my opinion is true. What would be hell for us? Death, the unknown, darkness, and other people symbolize that. We have control on almost everything in our surroundings, objects, animals, plants, but the two only things we don't have control over yet are earth and other people, which terrifies us.
On the other hand, I also believe that the opposite is true. Heaven is other people, too. We can never really be happy without other humans. Our unpredictability is one of the only things that keep this world an interesting place, one of the only things that makes us appreciate life, one of the only things that can actually put a smile on our face. Happiness is our heaven, isn't it?
Sometimes these people are friends. Sometimes it's a love interest. Sometimes they're our kids. Sometimes they're our parents or siblings, sometimes other family members, teachers, role models. These people are what brightens our days, what makes us smile, what makes us forget about those whose unpredictability causes us pain and suffering. Heaven and hell are other people.
My little piece of heaven has always been my family. They're a little bit nuts, a little bit insane, maybe even a little bit annoying, many, many times. Yet, these people love me unconditionally, they make me laugh, they make me truly happy, and they drive away almost any fear, almost every threat.
It's a shame that sometimes it takes us being away from something to really understand its meaning in our lives, but once we do it's so very beautiful. It took me being two years away from my family, continents and continents apart to make me realize how much I need them, and how much they need me. I am thankful for this every day and every night, every season that comes and goes, because most teenagers around me just don't know that their family is true gold. These things make me want to smack people across the face. They make me want to shake them until their eyes open, and I'm not speaking about families necessarily.
Your Friends can be your heaven, your love, your teacher, any person you meet in life really, but I beg you, on my knees, please, please, be grateful for them. There can be fights and pain and ache, because they are also our hell, but they can also make us so very happy if we only embrace them.

Anyways, after all this emotional little thing up there, I actually started talking about this because today, well, today heaven was other people.
We had a big family and friends dinner today, and I got reminded of how much I am grateful to be where I am with the people I am with.

Hope you all find or already have found your heaven, and I hope you feel it everyday. Here's the outfit I wore today. XOXO Roni J. 
I decided to go for a little colorblocking today.
I went for a shirt with a nice cutout at the back that covers up the back of the bra so it's not a big deal, and I also think it's a great way to be sexy without showing too much cleavage. It shows off skin, but it's not too outrageous.

The pants are also from a local boutique, but with all the colored pants being out lately I'm sure you can find something similar. The belt is from Ebay I'm pretty sure, and the necklace is from accessorize.
The flowers' ring is by Michal Negrin, and I love her jewelry this is her website. Although some or her pieces are plain CRAZY, I do love her more simple things.
The earrings are from my parents' trip to Iceland, and I think they're made out of Basalt, which is a rock formed by volcanic eruptions, which is awesome, in my opinion.
The sandals, yet again, are by Minnetonka, which is a native American brand, and I love these and have been wearing them to death and beyond four or three summers already, I think.
Sorry for the stains on my shirt by the way. I put perfume right before taking pictures. SMART.
Love you all and hope you find your heaven and have someone's arms be your home, and on that note (cheesy pun) today's song is:

Knowing

Hey there girls!
Hope your week is starting alright. Mine is quite stressful. Tomorrow I have a huge math test, and  while I don't have test anxiety, math tests just murder me mentally and emotionally.
Anyways this time we're talking about yesterday, because, well, that's more interesting than my math filled day :D. Yesterday I walked home from school, and these are the kinds of situations where I do most of my thinking. Up until yesterday I couldn't really put what I was feeling about the whole situation with the boy, but while I was walking a few words came to mind, and seconds later I found myself at the door to my house, something that should have lasted 20 minutes, when my face is stuck to the notes app on my iPhone.
I just wrote everything I had to tell him in a note, erased it, rewrote it, read it to myself, corrected it, revised it, and by the time I was done, my nose was literally touching the door. I feel like writing it to myself is not enough, so I thought I'd share, if you don't mind of course. If you do, than scroll down to the OOTD.
This is my letter to him:
" I used to feel like I know you. Even in when in our lowest points I at least felt as if we were acquainted. I used to know when to expect you. I used to know what your next move might be. I used to  know how to make you notice me, and what would make you laugh.
Today, well, today things are different. To be entirely honest and truthful, they have been different for quite some time. If at a certain point I used to feel like I know you, why then today I wouldn't even dare think that. If I ever used to feel like we're acquainted, these days you're a complete stranger to me. If I used to know when to expect you and what to expect from you, then what now? Now, now you surprise me time and time again, or may I say you shock me. If you used to make my heart race, why then these day are gone, and now you make my heart drop. I don't know you and sincerely doubt I ever did. You have indeed proven yourself as quite the actor in the past, but I just didn't think it would apply to real life, or didn't want to think that.
You have proven me wrong. If I had really known you from the very start, I wouldn't have fallen for you".
Thanks for letting me get that out of the way.
Yesterday I also watched the Hunger Games movie. To tell you the honest truth, it really wasn't as good as the book. Although, in comparison to other books turned into movies, it was really fantastic. I mean, if I hadn't known the plot and hadn't known how amazing the book series is and hadn't cried while reading each and every book like a baby, then this movie would have just been ten times better in my mind. I cried like a baby during the movie, too, but just not as much. The movie over all is really good and I do recommend watching it even to those of us who have read the books.


This is what I wore to the movies: 
Shirt is from United Colors of Benetton.
Cardigan is from Zara, and it is really warm cozy, because I usually freeze to death in theaters, so I needed something chunky.
Purse is from the brand Let Them Eat Cake, it is tiny, yet everything fits into it which is why I love it for the movies.
Jeans are my Topshop acid washed jeans, and I  know it looks like I'm always wearing this, but I really don't, plus they're so versatile that who gives a crap.
Jewelery is just the regular combination, no necklace, cause I didn't feel like being dressy for just a movie with a friend.
Shoes are my usual combat boots which I DO wear all the time but they're just so comfortable that it's hard to take them off my feet :).

This is a song for not stressing out!
Love you all and don't worry, be happy.