Life isn't always black and white. There are shades of gray, 50 to be exact. No, I'm just kidding, but it takes a lot of time to separate and notice those shades of gray. We kind of love that definite answer; black and white, "yes" and "no", up and down, when in reality you can be up, but hanging upside down. Does that mean you're up or down?
The past two days I was depressed. I was angry because I wasn't getting a definite answer from the universe. What I didn't realize was that "yes" and "no" are beautiful wonderful answers, but they can't answer "why?", and they never will be able to. Instead of asking "is it...?", and "does he....?", I kept asking questions like "Why do I..?" "Why does he not..?". Truth is that if I had wanted to get a definite answer, I wouldn't have asked those confusing question. I would have found better questions, definite questions that can be answered with either a "yes" or a "no".
I just didn't want a definite answer. I wanted a "maybe", an "I don't know", and the forever loved "it might take some time". I wasn't honest with myself, because I wanted the dishonest answer. I wanted to think there's a chance we'll ever end up together. I wanted to think I'm his only one. I wanted to think he is different to what he is in reality. But things don't work out that way.
I realized I need to change the way I think about it. It has dawned on me that I have.. Real strong feelings for him. I refused to say that I am in love with him, because that's weakness in my eyes. But then a good good childhood friend of mine came to me with an honest answer. She said a definite answer to an indefinite question, because she knew it would hurt more to keep being delusional, than to actually know the answer. She told me I will keep feeling stuff for him until the end of the year, when we will both part ways practically forever. I will go to one college and he will go to another, and... That's how it's going to be.
And then it dawned upon me. On one hand, I want him out of my life so that I can move on, but on the other hand I almost tear up at the thought of us parting ways forever, and I would rather watch him make out with thirty more girls than to never have him in my life again, even if it means I'll never actually have a hold on him. They say you know you love a person when you can't imagine your life without them... Well, I can, I really can, but every body part of mine doesn't want to accept it.
So life is both black and white, I want him as far away from me as possible so that I can forget him, but I also want him as close to me as possible, so that I will never have to say goodbye. It's not really that life is gray, it's just that the black and white live together like a checkered board.
"Does he love me?", "yes, he does". "Does he love others?", "yes, very much". "Does he care for me?", "yes, yes he does". "Does he care for others?" "yes, he does, with all his heart". "Will he ever want to hurt me?", "oh God no". "Did he ever?", "hell yea".
So I think I better define this indefinite story. I love him. I probably will always have some kind of feeling for him. I don't ever want to tell him, but I hope that I will someday, because it's weighing down my chest when I walk past him, and when he looks me in the eyes with his beautiful blue eyes, and the most when he touches me. I don't think we'll ever be together, and it hurts in every bone in my body. I never want to say goodbye, but I know that I will have to soon. I will have to love him from afar, because I have a feeling that other wise I might jump him, or burst. And it will go away, even if that's the last thing I want. I will not prevent myself from living on the life I am supposed to have. I will go to all the parties that I want to go to in spite of the fact that he'll surely be there, and be there with another girl, at that. Because I need that pain, and I need to have it go away, and it will in the end.
This spring, much like life, is all about the combination of black and white, and making them work together side by side. Although the look is amazingly classy and clean, it can be a bit boring. So here are some items that will help you create an interesting monochromatic look:
1. The easiest way to make an interesting black and white outfit is by wearing a dress. It's a no fuss kind of outfit. It's summery, breezy, and easy. This dress from Freepeople.com is a perfect combination of black and white. The black lace gives off a sexy feel, and the soft lace detailing at the bottom and the cut at the bottom make it super feminine and soft. It can be dressed up with heels and a clutch for a cocktail party, or dress it down with a chambray top and even low top converse for a casual day.
2. Another easy way is to incorporate different textures into the outfit to make it a little more interesting. A good example is leather (faux leather) shorts into the outfit. They give a little edge and a different texture like these from Urbanoutfitters.com. Another option for texture is a light weight cable knit sweater like this one from Topshop.com
that has amazing knitted detailing.
3. Third way to do this in a more interesting way is studding or embellishments. Things like these shorts from Pullandbear.com that are embroidered beautifully, and are light and breezy and comfortable for even the sweatiest of days, because they don't stick. Another pair of interesting shorts is this one from Hm.com. It's not just a regular studded pair of shorts. There are different kinds of studs on it and even skull studs, but subtle ones so that it's not too dark.
4. Last way to incorporate it through clothes is by wearing distinguishable patterns. A lovely trend is crazy pants. I found a pair in Zara.com that I absolutely love, the print is so beautiful and different. I really like the way it looks from afar and from close up. Another cool pattern is the window pane pattern that was all over runways and is perfect, and is displayed through this blazer from Forever21.com . Not only do I love the pattern, but it an easy thing to style up or down. It's great for chilly spring days.
Hope you all have a great fantastic day, and that just like yin and yang you find a way to balance out your blacks and you whites. XOXO Roni J.
The past two days I was depressed. I was angry because I wasn't getting a definite answer from the universe. What I didn't realize was that "yes" and "no" are beautiful wonderful answers, but they can't answer "why?", and they never will be able to. Instead of asking "is it...?", and "does he....?", I kept asking questions like "Why do I..?" "Why does he not..?". Truth is that if I had wanted to get a definite answer, I wouldn't have asked those confusing question. I would have found better questions, definite questions that can be answered with either a "yes" or a "no".
I just didn't want a definite answer. I wanted a "maybe", an "I don't know", and the forever loved "it might take some time". I wasn't honest with myself, because I wanted the dishonest answer. I wanted to think there's a chance we'll ever end up together. I wanted to think I'm his only one. I wanted to think he is different to what he is in reality. But things don't work out that way.
I realized I need to change the way I think about it. It has dawned on me that I have.. Real strong feelings for him. I refused to say that I am in love with him, because that's weakness in my eyes. But then a good good childhood friend of mine came to me with an honest answer. She said a definite answer to an indefinite question, because she knew it would hurt more to keep being delusional, than to actually know the answer. She told me I will keep feeling stuff for him until the end of the year, when we will both part ways practically forever. I will go to one college and he will go to another, and... That's how it's going to be.
And then it dawned upon me. On one hand, I want him out of my life so that I can move on, but on the other hand I almost tear up at the thought of us parting ways forever, and I would rather watch him make out with thirty more girls than to never have him in my life again, even if it means I'll never actually have a hold on him. They say you know you love a person when you can't imagine your life without them... Well, I can, I really can, but every body part of mine doesn't want to accept it.So life is both black and white, I want him as far away from me as possible so that I can forget him, but I also want him as close to me as possible, so that I will never have to say goodbye. It's not really that life is gray, it's just that the black and white live together like a checkered board.
"Does he love me?", "yes, he does". "Does he love others?", "yes, very much". "Does he care for me?", "yes, yes he does". "Does he care for others?" "yes, he does, with all his heart". "Will he ever want to hurt me?", "oh God no". "Did he ever?", "hell yea".
So I think I better define this indefinite story. I love him. I probably will always have some kind of feeling for him. I don't ever want to tell him, but I hope that I will someday, because it's weighing down my chest when I walk past him, and when he looks me in the eyes with his beautiful blue eyes, and the most when he touches me. I don't think we'll ever be together, and it hurts in every bone in my body. I never want to say goodbye, but I know that I will have to soon. I will have to love him from afar, because I have a feeling that other wise I might jump him, or burst. And it will go away, even if that's the last thing I want. I will not prevent myself from living on the life I am supposed to have. I will go to all the parties that I want to go to in spite of the fact that he'll surely be there, and be there with another girl, at that. Because I need that pain, and I need to have it go away, and it will in the end.
This spring, much like life, is all about the combination of black and white, and making them work together side by side. Although the look is amazingly classy and clean, it can be a bit boring. So here are some items that will help you create an interesting monochromatic look:
1. The easiest way to make an interesting black and white outfit is by wearing a dress. It's a no fuss kind of outfit. It's summery, breezy, and easy. This dress from Freepeople.com is a perfect combination of black and white. The black lace gives off a sexy feel, and the soft lace detailing at the bottom and the cut at the bottom make it super feminine and soft. It can be dressed up with heels and a clutch for a cocktail party, or dress it down with a chambray top and even low top converse for a casual day.
2. Another easy way is to incorporate different textures into the outfit to make it a little more interesting. A good example is leather (faux leather) shorts into the outfit. They give a little edge and a different texture like these from Urbanoutfitters.com. Another option for texture is a light weight cable knit sweater like this one from Topshop.comthat has amazing knitted detailing.
3. Third way to do this in a more interesting way is studding or embellishments. Things like these shorts from Pullandbear.com that are embroidered beautifully, and are light and breezy and comfortable for even the sweatiest of days, because they don't stick. Another pair of interesting shorts is this one from Hm.com. It's not just a regular studded pair of shorts. There are different kinds of studs on it and even skull studs, but subtle ones so that it's not too dark.
4. Last way to incorporate it through clothes is by wearing distinguishable patterns. A lovely trend is crazy pants. I found a pair in Zara.com that I absolutely love, the print is so beautiful and different. I really like the way it looks from afar and from close up. Another cool pattern is the window pane pattern that was all over runways and is perfect, and is displayed through this blazer from Forever21.com . Not only do I love the pattern, but it an easy thing to style up or down. It's great for chilly spring days.Hope you all have a great fantastic day, and that just like yin and yang you find a way to balance out your blacks and you whites. XOXO Roni J.
No comments:
Post a Comment