July Flew By

And so did the rest of this summer. I can't believe that in two weeks I'll be heading to college to start the rest of my life. So far away from everything that I know, and love. So far away from everything that's familiar and home to me.
I will be beginning this year far away from home, in the dorm room with two to three new girls that I barely even know. I will have to get used to their faults and their flaws, and will have to fit my flaws, and my faults to them. And after all this hard work, when I get back home once every two weeks for the weekend, when I'm tired, and just need to rely on something comfortable and familiar, my momma is not going to be here.
I have said goodbye to my momma after a two week long journey with both my parents in the entirety of Norway, which is one of the most insanely beautiful spectacular places I have ever been to. It was incredible for both the beautiful landscapes of waterfalls, and lakes, and fjords, and just water in general. God, they have so freaking much water it's not even funny, but also for the beautiful cities they have there like Oslo, Bergen, and Alesund, every single one of which is unique for its own reasons, and its architecture, which you must know is one of my favorite things in the world, and one of the things I find the most beautiful to see in different cities and countries. Some of my favorite places include the beautiful Viking Museum in the outskirts of Oslo. I am usually not a museum person at all, but those freaking Viking ships are freaking incredible. Such elegant woodwork was done on these ships with so many decorative intricate detailing that I almost peed my pants out of pure joy. Another lovely lovely place was the city of Bergen, which is all the way out in the west of Norway, and the old pier that they have restored and placed some stores in. It's just so goddamn beautiful. I also found this adorable freaking cafe in a street called Lille Ovregaten, that's both a cafe and a book store. So beautifully designed, really good coffee, amazing baked goods, some homely, amazing smell of cinnamon, spices, and coffee. If you ever pass by Bergen by any chance, just run there. It's inspired me to want to open a similar place in the future maybe. Making people fall back in love with books, music, and the small beautiful things in life. There's also a very good restaurant called Zupperia in Bergen that makes amazing soup dishes that are so freaking big, and so freaking tasty and heart warming on a rainy day. I have never in my life tasted a clam chowder so delicious.
Alesund is another beautiful city all made out of stone buildings because of a fire that burnt the city down to the ground. Not only is the architecture absolutely beautiful, but they have amazing fish and chips, an adorable glass workshop, and and an amazing little antique shop I spent hours in by the beautiful pier. And the beautiful way between those cities spread like a web of incredible waterfalls, streams, lakes, and fjords. I know I have possibly said beautiful in the past few sentences more than ever in my life all together, but that country is astonishing, remarkably unique and pleasant.
And then we parted ways with my momma. And I didn't cry then, and even though it's choking me up a little right now, thinking about how much I miss her, and need her, and feel like telling her every single thing that's been going on in my life, I just won't. I can't afford to break down so easily.a
Good thing I've been keeping busy in the two weeks since I've come back. Firstly, I've been working as a secretary at my dad's office, and every night since I have been going out, tiring myself out to the max, trying to fit as much in with my friends before all of us leave for college in our different paths.
We went camping this weekend on the beach, and I have come really close with a guy that was in my grade, but we never really spoke too much, and then on Thursday during the little camping trip we just stayed up the entire night, literally the entire night, talking, and he told me about his trip to Greece that he went on with his group of friends a few weeks later than we did, and about his first time, and I told I haven't had my first time, and never even been kissed, and he listened to me like no other straight guy before him. I told him about my stupidity and humiliation with Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome, and he just didn't even judge. By the way, I saw Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome last night walking in the street, when we passed by in a car, and he looked amazing, and I just reminded myself of how freaking stupid I am.
This morning, though, two of my very good friends left for college, which is yet another goodbye to have said, and then my dad drove out of town to my extended family, and I came back home, and it's all quiet, and dark, and empty. And for the first time since Norway, since saying goodbye to momma, I have time to think. To process my goodbyes, to think about the scary future that I don't know anything about, those eerie moments that I will have, wanting to come back home to momma, and she's far away, and I can't talk to her because of my stupid busy schedule, and my friends leaving, and my stupidity and my cowardice with boys, and all of a sudden after letting it out now, and talking about some of it has broken my promise earlier not to cry. And I'm choking back tears, but they won't listen and stay down, they just fill my eyes until they burn, and there's no way to get rid of that sting besides blinking those tears away.

"Wasn't it easier in your lunchbox years, always a bigger bed to crawl into? 
Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything, and everybody believed in you?"

SO, if we choke back the tears and talk about some of the things I have loved the month of July that has long been gone, and flew by without me even letting it go. I held onto it's wings tight, I promise, but it didn't care at all, it just took off without noticing the dead weight I was imposing on it in order for it to linger.
Song:
The Girl Running duet by Passenger ft. Jess Chalker. I don't know what about this song, maybe the first verse and the last verse, make me think of the loss of innocence and childhood, which, as you might have been able to see was pretty much the theme of this month, fuck, it's been the main topic this entire year.







Artist:

Bon Iver. He's always been a favorite, but playing his beautiful songs while driving across the beautiful landscapes of Norway was an incredible experience. The pure meaning of joy and serenity to me is waking up from sleep in the back seat, grab an apple, with my parent, passing incredible views, and having songs like towers play in the background.




Make Up Item:
See Sheer by Mac is a beautiful sheer peachy pink color. I bought it new during the month of July at the airport's Duty Free. It's as nude as I can go without looking like someone shot me. I love it because it's light, and not intense, but adds a little bit of color to the face. It's a Lustre finish meaning it looks wet and smooth on the lips, but it's not glossy or sticky. It's slightly rosy, slightly coral, but it's absolutely beautiful. I love it. It's also soft on the lips.

Deodorant:
Dove's Go Fresh, which smells like cucumber and mint, and just kept me fresh this entire months running errands, partying, tanning, and so on. It's just very comfortable, and the smell isn't too perfume-y, but lingers, which makes it perfect for keeping me fresh in this "deafening heat" as they say in The Girl Running.

Perfume:
Number 8 by Abercrombie and Fitch. I FINALLY got my hands on a new bottle after ages of living a sad sad life without it. It can be used by both sexes and smell just as lovely and fitting for either sex. It's clean, but not soap-like smelling which is good for me for staying fresh smelling during the summer. It's also a little sexy, dew to it's spices and ginger tones, but floral. And listen to the weird part, it has jasmine petal tones to it, which is my most hated scent ever, but it smells so good, I honestly can't even detect the strong scent of jasmine.

Shows:
Baby Daddy and Melissa and Joey are back! I just watch the new season like a junkie. My comic relief.
I have also started watching Suburgatory. Delirious.

Books:
I have just finished Pretties and proceeded on to Specials, but these books honestly don't get old. They just keep me on my toes and surprise me every freaking time. I think I'm going to cry when I finish Extras. But hey I've got Eve's second book that came out in April when I was still reading Divergent and Insurgent and stuff, and for some reason I had started Uglies before I read it, and I have the Maze Runner at hand, so I will be filled up to the brim with good books. I am a slow reader as you might have noticed, because I like to read when I'm calm, so I read in Norway a boat load, but I haven't since, because I was stressed out and tired.

Hope you're all having a lovely summer, or winter, if you're in the southern part of the equator! Loves you all, and thanks for being there and letting me take out everything I don't dare say on the outside, even if you don't even care about all my nonsense. XOXO Roni J.
By the way the first picture is from the way from one  city to another on a ferry, the second and third are from Bergen on the old pier, the third and fifth are again on the way from one city to another, and the fourth photo is from Alesund. Hope you enjoyed my little journey in pictures!

June Sais Quoi

How long have I not written a normal sincere blog post? Far too long. My life has been... I'm not kidding you... FREAKING INSANE. I've got exams to finish (last on is ont he 4th of July...THE FUDGE?! You inconsiderate bunch of bastards!), I've got trips that I have already taken in the past few weeks and some thousands more to take, guests from my past coming, and a lot, a lot of goodbyes. So let's start explaining all the craziness that's already been going on in the past two months and continue on the path to the plans for July and August, which in comparison to them, May and June are a freaking knock knock joke.
The past two months:
I have basically graduated high school. I got a graduate diploma, a social excellence diploma for being student body president, and an academic excellence diploma, which my parents were all so proud of, and so was I. You don't know this, but it took me a long time to decide that this will be the high school that I will be attending after I came back from my two years abroad. I didn't know anybody there at the time, when I joined the school in the middle of middle school, and I didn't want to get back to my old group of friends that I was a part of in lower school. I must be honest to tell you this was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. I became a part group of a really good crowd of people, and a large one at that. Besides that I can literally say that out of the entire senior class of around 250 students I dislike maybe 2, and get along with the most. These people were amazing, and accepting, and didn't judge me for my oddities, and I have many, from the very beginning. Sometimes I had rough patches with some of them, but being the  person I am, I click with a lot of different varieties of people, and I rarely ever got into clashes with anybody. So even if I really don't want any of them to freaking read this, I want them to telepathically know that I love them, and am so so sad to have to say goodbye to them all. Besides that I had amazing opportunities at school like the three delegations I took part in, student body, and amazing classes with very interesting teachers. So I'm as grateful as can be for the past four years. They were years very well spent.
As a graduation trip, the school took us into the city for the entire night. I mean we did not sleep, at all. We drove there (about three or four hours ride) by bus, but we didn't sit with our homeroom like we usually did on class trips and so forth. We sat with mixed home rooms, so I picked to sit with the one I have the most friends with, one of which is Tiny, which you might remember from past stories. I wasn't sitting next to her from the very beginning, and was sitting at the front of the bus. They played a sad goodbye song (Leaving On A Jet Plane) thinking they're oh-so-clever and oh-so-charming to make me teary eyed (the only one on the entire freaking bus), and I started crying, because I'm a girl like that, and I was trying to hide it, but the girl sitting next to me heard me sniffling a sob so she decided it was a smart idea to just yell "Oh look how sweet! Roni's crying", and I'm like.... Shut up bitch... Only much nicer than that, and Big Guy hears her, because he's sitting across from us, and says "Oh really? So you've got a heart now?". Apparently I don't show much emotions... Boo-freaking-hoo.. Kill me. My friend then goes on explaining she's probably thinking about how she won't ever see half of this senior class after today (good call pal), to which Big Guy replies in his snake charming voice (when I say snake charming, I mean both a snake, and a charmer, not a charmer of snakes) "don't worry Roni, we'll keep in touch" and winks, at the same time as I say "oh this is probably the same half of the senior class I really don't care about", which, because it was said in the exact same time, sounded kind of like a diss to him. Oooppsss.
So after a while I get tired of the crowd in the front of the bus, so I go sit next to Tiny in the back of the bus and we talk and stuff. I flirt with Mr. Perfect, who's taken now, but the heck I saw him first (probably didn't.. So what? Fuck off!). Then, Mr. Perfect's quite handsome (and not far from perfect himself) friend sits with Tiny and I. We cram in the three of us into one bus stool, which kinda feels like an odd orgy. But we talked and laughed and it was great. I never knew him too well, I only knew him by his name and a little background, but never invested myself into getting to know him too well. Then I got a little car sick so I went back to sit in the front section of the bus, and, Tiny told me later, this new mister, Mr. Mystery, told her right after I got up that I'm cute, and how come we've never talked before, so Tiny said to him, you seriously missed out, and he said I can see I did. Later on the bus rides from one place to another in the city Mr. Mystery and I sat together alone, and talked and flirted and laughed, which was nice, and like a new door has opened up for me. A new door of opportunities. On a later bus ride after touring the entire city, and flirting with a bunch of guys from my grade, Big Guy asked me on the bus whether or not he'll see me in the party later on that night, and I said maybe very sheepishly, knowing that he looks at me every single party that he sees me in, and can't stop staring at me, and then he said "I hope you do".
That night we do end up going to that party, almost the entire group of our friends, but what's a party with a big group of girls without a bit of drama?! One of the girls gets there far too late and far too pissed of at all of her friends who've been trying to help her, and drinks just a teenie weenie too much. By the time we get to the party she isn't feeling well, and me and another friend are a little too late to get to check up on her so she points at my friend and says "I hate you", and the points to me "And you're pathetic so you can also leave", and I'm like.... Ppfffffttttt OH REALLY. My other friend takes it really hard cause A. she's drunk, and B. she cares too much about the stupid girl's opinion, but me? I don't I tell the rest of the girls to watch her and get her home, because I ain't no bitch, but I just get up and walk away after she says "so you can also leave", and I say "fine I will". I wasn't hurt by her because I know I'm not "pathetic", and if I ever were to be I would still be less pathetic than she was at that moment. You're drunk, about to throw up in front of your entire grade, looking like a hot mess, and I am the "pathetic" one? I think not. I just thought she had some nerve to say these things to us after we took care of her the entire night so that she could come to the party (we had to wait hours for her to show up, not knowing if she's even going to show up in the end, and rush to hop on the taxi, I literally had to run to catch the taxi), and after we come to check up her. She's got some nerve. I am not mad at her anymore I am not holding any grudges or anything, because I'm better than that, and I shouldn't act like a five year old, but I'm kind of done. I mean I'm not going to ignore her because I don't want no drama, but a friend who treats you like this on a regular basis, when she feels like it, and pushes you around, does not deserve me as a friend, and I do not deserve being put down.
Later on though, things get better, cause I talk to Mr. Mystery, and flirt a little more with him and with Big Guy, which always puts you in a better mood when you're being complimented. Mr. Guy though, has been ignoring me for days already, and it got really weird when he said hi to the girl next to me at the party, and said nothing to me, and didn't even look at me. I don't feel the same way I did for him as I did before, but it's still quite offensive to have the son of a gun ignore me.
Days pass, and we're getting ready for summer camp so we meet up a lot. Yesterday we did a writing session for the senior songs CD that we bring out every year for summer camp, and it was hilarious. Just insane. I love them so much. Another goodbye, though.
Tonight I hosted a BBQ for my homeroom to say yet another goodbye,which is no fun whatsoever, and I am feeling horrible, so I didn't feel like hosting anything. I think I got a cold from sitting outside last night until very very late writing songs with the nut cases I call my friends. But I couldn't have asked for better people, and a better experience than I had had with my homeroom the past three years. These kids made me the happiest, the most comfortable and welcomed I have ever felt, and I am so grateful for that. And there's a huge rock weighing down my chest because... I just am going to miss them so much. And I hate goodbyes because I always cry (already managed to cry for about an hour today after the BBQ). I just sincerely love these people like brothers and sisters, and I feel like not seeing them everyday is... heart breaking.
This is summing up what's happened up until now. What's about to happen is some crazy shit. It's gonna be all shades of nuts. Tomorrow early in the morning I have an interview for a job I might get in about a year. It's an interesting job, but I don't know much about it yet. Later on tomorrow a family that hosted me a part of my two years abroad is coming to visit me, which is sweet, but I haven't really managed to keep in touch with them over the years, so hopefully it won't be terribly awkward. Later this week will be my very final exam of my high school experience on Thursday, and on Friday we go on 8 days of summer camp. This is when I start living out of bags for the next month or so. The very next day I go to a little seminar with the people that will be attending college with me next year, which has to be interesting, but I'm resenting it for some reason. Possibly cause I'm scare, possibly cause I've had an amazing time the past three years, and don't really feel like starting something new when I'm not yet near done with high school. But that meeting is in the city so I have to drive in after not sleeping well for around 8 days if not more.
The very next day I have to be in the city again, because I'm flying out to Greece with a bunch of my best friends. We're staying there 5 days for a fun beach holiday, and then we get back. The very very next day I have to be back in the city though, because I'm flying out to my momma who's moving to Norway for half a year for her job. So I won't see her for half a year after the two week I'll spend there, which is bound to be hard as hell. I'll try my best to write in the next two months, but I doubt I'll be able to write much, because I will be living out of a suitcase. Not complaining, though. I'm going to have the time of my life. I am excited about this time. It has some je ne sais quoi about it. Some mystery. Some magic.
So my favorites the past two months have been:
1) 2 Broke Girls. Best comedy ever. I'm not even kidding you guys. This is my exact humor- sexual, dirty, sarcastic, but not vulgar! Hilarious hilarious hilarious story about a rich New York elite girl who loses all her money and meets up with another broke girl who's always had to work hard and fend for herself, and together they try rising up. Just freaking crazy and amazing. Can't wait for next season.... CANNOT!

2) Happy Endings. Sweet little comedy I started watching when I finished 2 Broke Girls. Not nearly as funny in my opinion, but still very lovable, and I am so sad they have canceled it. Hope they go all Cougar Town with it, and film it in a cheaper setting to close it up nicely.

3) Baby Daddy. Season 2 is just... 20 times better than the first. I just freaking love Danny (Derek Theler) so much. He's such an adorable character, which is funny because I tuned in in the first place to watch Jean Luc Bilodeau, but I just like Derek SO FREAKING MUCH. I follow after them all on Instagram, and they are just so cute.

4) LOL. Cutest movie I've seen in a long time. The guy interest in the movie is just the perfect personality for a men in my opinion. Confident, and caring, and honest, a good friend, a musician. That's what made this movie so lovable for me. Love her new song, too, and even though the music video is crazy and a little over over the top, I appreciate the creativity put into it.

5) Nashville. Watched that show in like 2 days because I loved Gunnar. Again, he just possesses most of the qualities I see in the perfect man.. He's just adorable. Loved the music in it, which has majorly affected my playlist with songs like I will fall, If I Didn't Know Better, and so forth. Love country music even more so now than I did then. I also love Maisy and Lennon, and think they are absolutely amazing and crazy talented, and hope to see more of them, because they are just.. Mind blowing.

6) Stubborn Love by The Lumineers. This song has amazing lyrics, and I just love the video for some reason they touched my heart very deep. I just fell in love with it very very quickly.
7) Tip Of My Tongue by The Civil Wars. Such a seductive song, but so genuine and true, and loving. I just adore it.

8) Pretties. Not yet done with it but so freaking close. I just love this series so much. They make it sound so real, and it sounds so realistic that people would think to make us all look the same and think the same.




I don't really have beauty favorites these past two months, because I have been very constant with products and all, but I promise to try out some new things. Love you, and probably should go to sleep if I want to wake up in time for my interview tomorrow. XOXO Roni J.